


Jaylass

by Pearalu



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman and Robin (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Under the Red Hood
Genre: Coming Out, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Identity, Gender Issues, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2020-02-28 10:00:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 42,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18754159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pearalu/pseuds/Pearalu
Summary: After spending a couple years with the Outlaws, Jason felt ready to return home. He admits he was pretty fucked up when he came back from the dead. Now that the Pit madness wore off, he's trying to turn a new leaf and reconcile with his old family. But he didn't realize that the Pit madness distracted him from discovering himself - or more accurately - herself.





	1. Chapter 1

Jason tightened his grip on the duffel bag slung across his shoulder. He closed his eyes and breathed in the Gotham smog, a whisper of a smile on his lips.

It was good to be home.

.....

The shit apartment he got on short notice would have to do for now. It had the essentials, so Jason wasn’t complaining. It was far more than what he had growing up on the streets. Warm, too. With the fucking great timing he always has, he just had to return when it was almost winter. He tossed his duffel bag onto the beaten-up couch, plopping down next to it and throwing his head back.

He was back in Gotham and here to stay.

But what to do? The Outlaws had disbanded a while back, with Kori returning to Tamaran for the undetermined future and Roy starting to take his fatherly responsibilities more seriously now. And Jason was sure if he went out patrolling tonight, or any night, really, he’d get apprehended by the Batclan, or even worse, the Bat himself. Well, it’s not like that really stopped him from being the big, scary Red Hood. Just made it annoying as hell. It’s also been years since he’s set foot in this city. Maybe the Batclan cooled down some. He’s definitely cooled down since his drug lord days. The last time he was here was when he, Dick, and Tim fought for the cowl. Shit, it’s been a couple years since he stabbed Tim with a fuckin’ batarang or was-

Jason abruptly stood up and shook his head. He wasn’t that person anymore.

He glanced at the clock. 6:47 PM. Well, he’s got a couple hours before he should suit up for patrol, so might as well get some groceries. Dinner doesn’t sound so bad. After an hour of him just laying on the couch, he knew he wouldn’t get up until patrol.

He ended up ordering Chinese takeout. When the delivery guy knocked on the door, Jason dragged himself onto his feet and threw a fifty at the poor dude and snatched the bag. He knew he should feel guilty for being an asshole to a guy just doing his job, but Jason honestly didn’t feel much of anything.

Jason picked at his lo mein, and he felt getting through the domestic part of his day was just as hard back home as it was with the Outlaws. And Jason thought that returning to Gotham would be better for him. Maybe he should’ve taken up Roy’s offer and live with him in Star City. At least with taking care of a baby he’d be distracted from his constant dissatisfaction.

.....

After being gone for the last couple years, Jason knew the city skyline should’ve changed, but he didn’t grasp that until he vaulted over a ledge and nearly fell to his death expecting a rooftop on the other side.

Rapidly firing off his grappling gun and swinging onto an adjacent building, he felt a presence behind him. The moment his boot touched the rooftop, he whipped around, gun in hand. Upon recognition, Jason leisurely holstered his gun, a smirk playing on his lips. Not like the twerp would see it behind his helmet.

“Oh, it’s just the Replacement who got replaced. The demon brat still treating ya dandy?”

Red Robin stood before him gripping his bo staff, his cape stirring in the wind. Jason had to admit the bladed feathers suited Tim. And good riddance of that stupid condom head. He’s glad Tim went back to using the domino instead of the cowl.

“Hood.”

“…yes?”

Tim raised an eyebrow at him. “What are you doing in Gotham?”

Jason swung his arms around in frustration. “What’s it look like I’m doing? I’m coming home!” Gotham raised Jason from the moment he was born. He always knew he would return to her. He just needed to let the Pit madness fade away before he could.

“We are under Batman’s order to bring you into the GCPD.” Tim’s grip tightened.

Jason shifted his foot, preparing for a quick bail. He didn't want to hurt Tim, again. “And you’re telling me this because…”

“…Batman’s on his way right now.”

Jason shifted his foot again, preparing for a long enough fight for him to get away. “Again, you’re telling me this because…”

Tim sighed. “To ask a question.”

In confusion, Jason tilted his head. “What?”

Immediately after saying it, Jason knew the dumbass took it as ‘what’s the question?’ instead of ‘what the fuck do you mean?’

“What are you doing back in Gotham? You know the family doesn’t trust you.”

It was Jason’s turn to sigh. He placed his hands on his hips and looked up at the gloomy sky. “Look, I know I did some fucked up shit, but I’m over it now. I just want to come home.”

“I’m glad you feel that way, but you know the family will have a hard time believing you. You won’t be let anywhere near the Manor until they see you’ve changed.”

Jason gave a sharp laugh, more like a bark than anything else. “Ha! I didn’t say the Manor,” Jason pulled closer to Tim, speaking into his ear, “ya dingus.”

Tim snorted at the reference, but a thought crossed his mind, and he quickly schooled his features. “Wait, then what’s ‘home’ to you, then?”

Jason shrugged. “Oh, ya know, Gotham. Hard not to think of her as such when you spend winters in her streets.”

Gotham was his only home now, and the Outlaws were his home away from home so that didn’t really count. But the Batfamily? Never in a million years. He lost his right to be in the family when he tried to kill basically everyone. He’s honestly surprised Tim still forgives him, but he’ll never admit that this was why Tim made such a great Robin. Never.

Tim opened his mouth but closed it, retracting his bo staff and tilting his head away. He’s listening to his communicator. After a moment, Tim tapped his ear and gave a negative on Red Hood’s position.

Tim turned to Jason. “Batman’s two minutes out from this district.” Tim turned around, his cape fluttering in the wind. “And welcome home, Jason.” With that, Tim pulled out his grappling hook and shot off into the night.

Jason turned in the opposite direction, deciding he should head back to his apartment for the night. Tonight was a reunion with Gotham, learning her new layout from the city development over the years. Crime fighting could wait until tomorrow night, when he would announce his return, ruthlessly tying petty criminals up in nice bows and leaving them for the police. He’d do that until he finds a case to work on. Jay smiled as he swung through Gotham.

He was glad to be home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I reject canon and substitute my own.  
> But honestly, I am trying to be as canon-accurate as possible, but I also want to make a good story. Let me know if anything is inaccurate, and please leave me a comment so I can improve. Here goes to my first fanfic!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason decides to make a major modification he's wanted for a long time.

The next day, Jason woke up a little after noon. Benefits of having no life because you’re legally dead: no need to set an alarm because you have literally nowhere to be.

He went to rub his eyes and felt the stubble on his jaw. Jason flopped over onto his belly, groaning into his pillow. He already shaved last night before patrol. Why is it already growing out? Couldn’t he be brought back to life without the facial hair? Jason’s pretty sure that could be in the Lazarus Pit’s job description. If it wasn’t, then it should be. He’s a dead man walking; it’s not like there’s much else the Pit _can’t_ do.

When he was a budding teenager, he remembers when he first felt facial hair growing. He asked Bruce how to get it off. The old man just taught him how to shave.

_“And that’s how you do it, chum.” Bruce ruffled Jason’s head. “Anything else you need to know?”_

_Holding the razor confusedly, Jason asked, “So that’s it? Why do people buy razors if they use it once?”_

_Bruce tilted his head. Jason knew this was his way of asking a question, the emotionally constipated bat he is._

_Jason could tell Bruce chose his next words a little carefully. “If you use it once, then the hair will grow back, and you’ll need to shave again…do you want to go for a specific look?”_

_“Oh.” Jason tried to not let his disappointment show. “Okay, thanks, old man.” Jason added the nickname too hastily, but Bruce probably already caught on. Why did he have to live in a family of detectives? Even by default Alfred was a detective because he always knew what was going on._

_Bruce kept a hand on his shoulder. “You’re welcome, and you can call me that when you beat me in a spar, chump.”_

_“Oh, you’re on, grandpa!”_

Throwing his head underneath his pillow, Jason tried to forget the feeling of disappointment he got when he learned he’d have to shave nearly everyday for the rest of his life. All just to make his face bare of the fucking miniscule appendages. But the stubble scraped against the bed sheet when moved, and he bolted out of bed, stomping to his bathroom to shave and then brush his teeth. Morning breath stinks.

With a toothbrush in his mouth, Jason picked at his hair. He really liked this length. It was longer, curling around and covering his ears. He was glad to finally get it this long after forgetting he even wanted to grow it out. He was pretty fucked up when he came back to the land of the living. Jason likes to blame it on the Pit.

_“Hey, Alfred.” Jason was at looking at his hair in the mirror, and Alfred had come to wake him up for breakfast._

_“Good morning, Master Jason. You are up so early. Breakfast is ready downstairs.” Despite how indifferent the words sounded, Jason could tell Alfred was pleased to see him already up. Now, Alfred can channel more energy into waking Bruce up._

_“Alfred, I want your opinion on something.”_

_Alfred made his way over to Jason’s mirror, standing beside him. They made eye contact through the mirror. “Now what would it be, Master Jason?”_

_Jason turned his attention back on his hair. “I think I want to grow my hair out longer.” He picked as much as he could at the close-cropped hair. He could only play with hair on the top but not at the sides._

_“Would you like me to cancel your hair appointment next week?” Technically, Alfred cut his hair, but they set a time every couple weeks to keep this hairstyle._

_“Hmm, maybe not. I hear getting a small trim can help hair grow out faster, but maybe the week after? Give it a little time to actually grow?”_

_“You are correct, Master Jason. I’ll have the appointment moved. Is there a hairstyle you are interested in?”_

_He tilted his head from side to side, double-checking if the hairstyle would look good on him. “I’d like to grow out my bangs, and let my sides grow a little past my ears.” Jason bit his lip. “Do you think it’d look good?”_

_Alfred’s usually stoic face now gave the barest hint of a smile. “Of course, Master Jason. Mrs. Todd had a tasteful haircut both men and women could wear.”_

_Jason minutely deflated at the word, ‘man,’ but he quickly chalked it up to him being a ‘rebellious teen’ as Bruce had been telling Dick. Jason didn’t think he could be a man like Bruce was._

_“Do you think Bruce would be okay with it?”_

_Asking Bruce to lengthen the Robin tunic was still fresh in Jason’s mind. Bruce eventually agreed, but he had a pinched expression when Jason insisted he did not need the scaly panties to be lengthened. Jason reasoned the lengthened vest tunic would protect his legs more now. Just to get Bruce to agree, Jason promised him he would be extra careful. Bruce seemed satisfied with that answer, but it did take at least an hour of convincing for the man to cave in. Jason saw why Bruce was concerned. Dick finished his “Discowing” phase not too long ago, and Bruce was afraid Jason was going to have his own phase._

_Alfred picked up on his apprehension. “Bruce would not mind. It is fashionable, unlike Master Dick’s haircut when he first started his escapades as Nightwing.”_

_Jason burst out laughing. “Alfred! I need to bleach my eyes now from just **remembering** his mullet!” Barbara showed him pictures of Dick’s mullet once. Apparently, Barbara gave Bruce an album of Dick wearing the Discowing suit and the mullet as a gag gift. Bruce was not happy._

_Alfred coughed to hide the growing grin on his face. “I may have to restrain you from doing such harm to yourself, Master Jason. The memory should be enough for now.”_

Unfortunately, Jason never got to get his haircut or the upgrades for his suit. He returned from Ethiopia with the sides of his hair barely grazing his ear, wearing the old Robin uniform. Alfred didn’t have a chance to make the modifications Bruce and Jason agreed upon, and the modified Robin uniform sat unused in the Batcave, sharing the same glass case with Jason’s Robin suit.

Spitting in the sink, Jason briefly contemplated the memory. Huh, he forgot he wanted to try out a longer tunic on the Robin uniform. He went to his bedroom and glanced at the Red Hood uniform strewn across the floor, looking for the shirt and cargo pants. When he found them, he picked both items up and analyzed them.

Yeah, can’t make treat the shirt like the Robin vest tunic, and _definitely_ can’t treat pants like a skirt – _wait_.

.....

“So let me get this straight, you want to turn Red Hood into a gun-toting, skirt-wearing Outlaw?”

Jason let out a breath of frustration, placing the pencil behind the ear not listening to Roy struggle with a fussing Lian.

“You’re twisting my words, Roy, it’s my new gun holster.” Yeah, it was a skirt, but Jason wasn’t about to admit that to Roy just yet.

“Mhmm, I believe you.”

Jason looked at the many sketches on the table, but only one stuck out. He wanted to keep his comfy cargo pants, so this design revolved around keeping his pants. It looked almost like a kilt that only covering his thighs and ass, going over his pants. Because of this it would more accurately function as his new gun holsters, and it would be able to carry more weapons too…like a combat skirt!

“Roy, I know what to call it! It’s a combat skirt!”

“Pfft, I liked it more when you called them your ‘upgraded gun holster with multiple pockets to put extra equipment in.’ At least then you could pretend the skirt was more like a gigantic utility belt.” Damn Roy for reading Jason too well.

“You’re technically not wrong…but that’s not the point!” A thought suddenly came to Jason’s mind. “Wonder Woman wears a skirt, why shouldn’t I?”

Roy chuckled. “You’ve got me there, Jaybird.” Lian chose that moment to burst out crying. “Look, I gotta go, but let me know if you want any help with the upgraded-gun-holster-combat-skirt thingy. And you should come to Star City and visit Lian! You know she loves Uncle Jay!”

Jason huffed out a laugh. He doesn’t really believe he can be an _uncle_ , but whatever makes Roy and Lian happy.

“Alright. And we’ll see. Since I’m dead I can technically do whatever I want. No job or family to check in with.” Perks of being legally dead number two.

“Sounds like a plan. See ya!” Roy hung up as the screaming got louder. Jason was so glad he wasn’t a parent. Sounds like too much work. Plus, his love life was a bit too lackluster for the commitment of a baby.

As he pulled the pencil from behind his ear, Jason cracked his back and neck. Time to get to work. He wants his combat skirt to make _Wonder Woman_ jealous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should stop writing fanfic when I should be studying for the three finals I have tomorrow. Oh well, looks like history, physics, and calc III are gonna wait until I pump out this fic.  
> Writing this, I kinda wanted Jason's combat skirt for myself. How fucking badass would it be to have a combat skirt with like a billion things in it that can kill you? I swear skirts aren't being used to their full potential in super/action hero media. LONG LIVE THE COMBAT SKIRT  
> Please leave me a comment on how I can improve! And thank you everyone for giving this fic a kudos!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce and Jason get a little family reunion that neither of them like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't get to upload yesterday, so here's a longer chapter everyone! Enjoy!

A couple nights later, Jason felt _giddy_ preparing for patrol. He’d been so restless since he started making the combat skirt that he didn’t even go on patrol since his first night in Gotham, working on the skirt in a feverish state. And now it was _finally_ done, and he can _fucking_ wear it to patrol.

In full uniform, Jason stood in front of the full-length mirror, holding the utility skirt in his hands. Here goes nothing. He attached the skirt onto the clips on the back of his belt, but not after struggling to get it on for a while. Hey, it was his first time wearing a skirt. At least, that’s what Jason’s blaming it on. Yeah, that’s what he’s gonna blaming it on.

He then pulled the side straps taut around his thighs, effectively keeping his utility skirt close to his body. Thank Superman that Roy made the recommendation, else he’d have his skirt flapping around all willy nilly while running across rooftops in Gotham, and he can’t have _that_ happening. The Red Hood has standards for himself.

Once the skirt was securely fastened to him, he straightened it out and made a slow twirl. His skirt ruffled around his thighs, and he found the weight of the bulletproof skirt around his hips comforting. He liked it.

Also, thank Roy for sending him the graphene-composite material for his skirt. The Kevlar on his first prototype was almost _too_ heavy, and that’s saying a lot for Jason.

Jason grabbed his pistols and gingerly placed them in their new holsters. He then rapidly pulled them out, clicked the safeties, aimed, and placed them back. Surprisingly, they were just as good as his old holsters, but they gave him a big confidence boost for some reason, so they were infinitely better.

He walked around his room, getting used to the new weight around his hips. Jason couldn’t contain his wide smile, so he set about putting equipment in his skirt to distract himself.

Wow, he didn’t know he could hold _that_ many clips of ammo and _that_ many batarangs and _that_ many tools. As he kept putting equipment in his skirt, he felt the skirt get heavier. He’d probably be a little slower tonight, but it’s not like he planned on making a trafficking bust or wrangling up any criminals after an Arkham breakout. He’d just go on patrol and establish the Hood’s patrol route.

Plus, it’d give him some time to get used to his new uniform. He might have to modify his fighting style if the skirt proves to be too different from his old holsters. He doesn’t care. The skirt was _worth_ it.

Plucking his helmet off the bed and twirling it around his finger, he took one last look at his reflection. He couldn’t tell what it was, but the skirt fit him so much better. It was almost like it expressed some aspect of his identity. But which aspect? Wait, why’s he getting so poetic and shit? He loves literature but not like _that_. No need to get all philosophical when he needs to go to patrol.

Shaking his head, he put on his helmet and left out the window.

.....

Jason only got to stop a mugging that night.

As he zip-tied the criminal, Jason heard the faintest murmur of a cape. No matter how long it’s been, he would _never_ forget the sound of Batman’s cape taking over the silent night. Even in death. In his last seconds, Jason desperately strained to hear the Batmobile or even Bruce’s cape, a hint of the man who could save him from the Joker’s sick game. He only heard the bomb tick down to zero.

After propping the unconscious woman against the alley wall, Jason turned around, trying his best to look relaxed and unthreatening, but he knew he was too tense and looking suspiciously like he was about to attack. Damn his League assassin training and trust issues.

He took in the vigilante before him. Despite a full moon covering Gotham, Batman still looked like a shadow about to seep into the murky street lighting. If you blinked, he’d be gone, leaving you to wonder if the Bat was even there at all. The cape sighed into the wind, almost like the disappointment he could see on Bruce’s face.

It slowly morphed into caution. “Oracle, Red Hood is on 5th.”

Ah, so that’s how Batman found him tonight. Oracle’s finally back. When Jason got back to Gotham, he knew Barbara was on some mission with the Birds of Prey, giving him plenty of time to map out her cameras and reroute the ones around his apartment. He may not be as good as Oracle in tech, but he wasn’t _incompetent_. It’ll take her a while to figure out where he lived, and by then he’d probably already be gone.

Batman tilted his head, presumably to listen more carefully to Barbara. “Affirmative.”

Jason tried to go for a chill atmosphere. He might get out of this without getting into a fight if he played his cards right.

“So, what’s up? Long time, no see, B.” Jason tried to keep his voice cheerful and hopefully trustworthy, but if the look on Bruce’s face was anything to go by, he sounded even more suspicious then he already is. Why can’t he sound like Steph? Isn’t the chick like perpetually cheerful or something? Hell, he’d take sounding like Damian. At least the gremlin’s just annoying and can’t ever be taken seriously because he spouts all that ‘I’m the blood son!’ bullshit.

“Hood, what are you planning?”

He held his hands out, palms up. “Nothing, B. I swear. Just going on patrol.”

“Hmm.”

Jason resisted the urge to roll his eyes so hard he’d go back to the grave. Of fucking course Bruce would _grunt_ at him.

“Sooooooooooo, that’s it? Can I go now? I already alerted the police, and we should really get going before they get here.” At that moment, Jason felt his phone buzz in his pocket. That should be Roy. Jason knew the time difference well, and judging by the moon’s height, Lian should be asleep by now. He went to reach for the phone in his combat skirt.

Big mistake.

Batman slung a batarang at his hand before he could touch his skirt. On reflex, Jason caught the batarang, but he was stunned from Bruce’s sudden attack. Is he really that unreliable? Next thing he knew, the several feet between them became no feet at all, and Jason barely reacted fast enough to block the sternum jab. He was able to shift himself so it hit him in the rib, but it’s _Batman_ and Jason’s own _mothertrucking_ _rib,_ so it _hurt_ like a butt cheek on a stick.

“What do you have in there? A bomb?” Batman gritted out as Jason lashed out and kicked him in the stomach, throwing the man back a couple feet. Not desirable distance, but Jason will take it.

Red Hood spun around and bolted so fast the Flash would be _quaking_. He shot out his grappling hook and yanked himself into the air. A streak whistled past him, and the next thing he knew, his line was cut, and he was falling.

Jason managed to land onto the nearest building, but he heard Batman’s grapple behind him with a distant, “Oracle! Send the nearest person! Hood is escaping!”

Fuck. This was going so well. Can this family ever have _normal_ family reunions?

Stowing the useless grapple away, Jason dashed across the rooftop, deciding to flee the old-fashioned way. He almost reached the other side when Batman tackled him onto the ground. Jason squirmed around, and he landed with his back to the ground. He expected his head to hit the concrete but instead felt nothing. Oh shit, he’s on the edge of a building grappling with Batman.

“Fuck off, Batman!”

In the past, he’d whip out his guns, wreak havoc on Batman and his followers, and slip away into the night. Now, Jason had the strongest urge to just _end this fight already_. No! He can’t do that! He’s better; he was getting so much better; don’t ruin it on this.

Jason bucked his hips, and a couple tries later he rolls them over so Bruce’s head was hanging over the ledge. He loosely held Bruce in a choke-hold, not wanting to injure him.

“Hand it over!” Bruce choked out.

“It’s not what you think! It’s a skir-utility belt! It’s just my new uniform!” Obviously, Batman easily got out of Jason’s weak hold and threw Jason back several feet, popping up into a fighting stance.

“Hmm. I don’t trust you. Hand it over.” Jason tried not to let his heart deflate. Instead, he let red-hot anger creep into the corners of his vision. No one was taking his damn skirt.

As Batman charged at him with his batarangs, Jason pulled out an electric baton. He knew if he pulled out his pistols, he would probably shoot real bullets. The rubber bullets can go fuck themselves now.

The fight was messy but quick. After a couple shocks, Batman knocked the baton out of his hand and beat him to a pulp. Jason gritted his teeth and squeezed his fists so hard he could feel his nails making crescents through his gloves.

He doesn’t kill anymore. He doesn’t kill anymore. He’s better than this. Jason repeated the mantra to resist the Pit rage tempting him to just _shoot Bruce’s head off already_. He doesn’t even think Batman beats up the Joker _this_ bad.

Jason could see Batman bellowing at him, spittle landing on Jason’s face and a vein popping in the grizzled vigilante’s neck. Through the dull roar, Jason heard, “Unlock the safety measures on it, Hood, before I throw you in Arkham!” In between punches, Batman hacked at the skirt with a batarang.

He would spit a curse at Batman, but his jaw was already swollen. Just over Bruce’s shoulder, Jason could see Nightwing arriving. Great. Another bat to deal with.

“Batman!” Nightwing cried as he landed. “Stop! He’s not responding!” Jason wasn’t responding, but not in the way Dick was thinking.

Dick was rushing over towards them. Batman halted and turned towards Dick. Now’s his chance.

Jason pulled out a flash grenade and chucked it at Dick. He knew Dick could handle it. He then pulled out a shock grenade and hurtled it at Bruce. Jason turned over as the grenades went off, stunning their targets and leaving them unconscious for the time being. He could feel the flash grenade’s power through his battered back, but Jason didn’t let it affect him as he staggered onto his feet and limped away, the buckle of his left skirt strap dragging across the concrete.

His skirt hung listlessly around his legs, torn and battered as he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I took a FAT L on my physics final, but it's okay because now I get to write about combat skirts all I want. :)  
> And yeah, I added that vine reference because I said it to a friend once I finished my physics final, so enjoy how my mothertrucking grade will hurt like a butt cheek on a stick.  
> As always, please leave a comment! I love to hear what y'all think!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason recovers with a trusted friend.

Roy sat on a ledge, overlooking a mundane warehouse in Star City. He was playing on his phone, waiting for the weapons shipment to come in. Why do criminals always use nondescript warehouses to do illegal activities in? Roy and Jason agreed that if all warehouses were destroyed, crime would drastically go down because stupid criminals wouldn’t have anywhere to conduct business anymore. Maybe not the bigger criminals, but they’d take whatever crime eradication they can get.

He checked if Jason had read his message yet. All Roy knew was that it was Jay’s first night out with the new combat-utility-belt-skirt, and Jay had promised to send him a selfie after he beat up a thug.

When Roy got the distress signal from Red Hood, he dropped everything and immediately headed to Gotham.

.....

As he made his way to Gotham, Roy followed how Jay’s location staggered across the city slowly, eventually stopping within an apartment complex. Roy could tell Jay must’ve been injured to be so _slow_. The archer tracked the helmet’s location to what he assumed was Jason’s new apartment. Disabling the security features, he cracked the door open, bow in hand.

Roy slipped his way in, and he took in the dark, silent apartment. The door creaked ominously behind him as he closed it shut. Making his way through the kitchen and into the living room, Roy’s eyes widened when he spotted Jason bleeding all over the couch.

Roy didn’t even notice he’d dropped his bow until he heard the clunk resound in the hollow apartment.

He swiftly went to the couch and fell to his knees, carefully tilting Jay’s face with his hands. Relief flooded through him as he heard Jay’s faint breathing. Roy shook Jay’s shoulder. He didn’t respond at all. He was as dead and motionless as the apartment.

“God, Jay, what happened to you?” he whispered, moving to strip Jay of his uniform. When he got to the pants, Roy gasped at the tattered remains of the utility skirt.

No. The skirt meant so much to Jay, even if Roy knew that Jay was trying so hard to make it sound like it wasn’t a big deal. Whoever did this will fucking _pay_ for hurting Jay and ruining the one thing Roy has seen him get excited for in months.

Clutching the ripped skirt in his hands, Roy grit his teeth and set to patch Jay up and wait for him to wake up.

When Jay woke up the next morning, he wouldn’t tell Roy what happened and just wanted to lay in bed all day. From experience, Roy knew that when Jay was like this, he’d have to wait it out until Jay was ready to tell him. He offered Jay to come to Star City with him, away from Gotham while Jay recovered. Jay eventually agreed, and an hour later, Roy carted Jay and his wheelchair out of the depressing apartment.

.....

Jason hated being in the damn wheelchair. Lian was currently fussing in her crib, and he couldn’t even go and help her or something.

His left fibula was broken; his right femur was fractured; his bottom three ribs on both sides were bruised; his jaw was bruised; and worst of all his right arm was broken in three parts and in a sling. He was lucky Bruce only shattered the bottom area of his helmet, or else he’d have a nose added onto the list of things on his body that was currently broken, fractured, or bruised. That doesn’t even include the list of stitches, cuts, and scrapes he had. Luckily, he could use his left arm, but even that was only minimal use due to the dislocated shoulder being popped back into place painfully and healing rather slowly.

At least the swelling in his jaw ebbed away over the past week, allowing him to speak.

“Roy, Lian’s awake! She’s about to cry!” he hollered out loud enough for Roy to hear all the way in the kitchen.

He heard a muffled, “Coming!” Several seconds later, the door burst open, and Roy immediately scooped Lian into his arms, hushing her down.

“Thanks for watching her while I make breakfast. I know you could be doing anything else than babysitting.” Roy set Lian comfortably in Jason’s left arm, and he pushed them to the kitchen.

“No need to thank me. I’ve been here for a week now, Roy. And also that is the most bullshit statement I’ve heard in my life. I can barely hold Lian, and if she starts moving I’ll drop her.”

“Jay, let’s not think about that.” Jason smiled, even though he couldn’t see the sour face he knew Roy was sporting.

.....

Jason and Roy were at the kitchen table eating dinner in companionable silence, except Jason had something on his mind.

It’s either now or never, Jay.

“Roy.”

“Mhmm?”

Jason sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “It happened after I beat up some mugger. Batman popped up behind me and asked me what my plans were, thought the skirt was a bomb and shit. I was reaching for my phone, and he must’ve thought I was gonna attack 'cause the next thing I know, I’m fighting Batman and trying to get away. I didn’t want to let the Pit madness take over, so I just took it all – blow after blow," he swallowed thickly, "slice after slice."

Jason's hands started to shake, but he quelled the anxiety for now. "Fortunately, Nightwing showed up and made for the perfect distraction, gave me enough time to get away…and you know the rest.”

Roy closed his eyes and sucked in a deep breath, his hands clenched tightly around each other. When he opened them, he said, “Thank you for telling me, Jay.” Roy stood up and started exiting the kitchen. “Now please excuse me while I take care of something in Gotham.”

Once he realized Roy was going to the armory, Jason immediately started wheeling after him.

“Roy, no!”

He greatly appreciated the sentiment, but if Roy killed batman, it’d still be on Jason because Roy was avenging his best friend. Everything always comes back to him; Jason knows he’s the easiest person to blame.

.....

Jason had Lian curled in his arms, holding a milk bottle for her to drink from. A couple months ago, he wouldn’t have thought himself capable of taking care of a baby, much less while in a stupid wheelchair. But with Roy out on patrol, it had been up to Jason to stop Lian’s screaming. Now, he contentedly hummed as he watched Lian’s bright green eyes droop, cradling her closer and closer to his chest. One of her chubby hands curled around the bottle while the other was splayed across his left pectoral. Wow, she’s so tiny she doesn’t even take up that much space on his torso.

He heard a winding whistle to his side. Jason’s head shot to the window where Roy was carefully perched upon.

Roy had the softest smile on his face. “Jay, you’re far more nurturing and… _motherly_ than most women I’ve seen. Damn, if Jade looked at Lian like you do, I think we’d still have a family.”

A wave of embarrassment and mortification flashed through Jason. Motherly? No way, Jason’s not supposed to be-he’s the _Red_ _Hood_ , dammit...so why does he feel pride at the words? He shouldn’t feel this way; didn’t Roy insult him or something? What _is_ it that’s actually bothering Jason?

Jason sputtered out, “Nurturing-what-uhm, no, I’m not-Red Hood isn’t-uh, womanly-I mean, motherly-”

Roy slapped a hand on his mouth to muffle his laughing, stepping into the room and closing the window.

“Relax, Jay, I’m just teasing.”

“Oh.” A tsunami of disappointment crashed through Jason. Was he not a motherly person? He can be nurturing and motherly if he wanted to, right? Wait, why is he focusing on _motherly_ of all things?

“Jay?” Shit, Roy must’ve sensed his conflict somehow. Damn Roy for knowing him too well.

Jason swallowed, his throat suddenly dry and hot. “It’s-it’s, uh, nothing,” he stuttered out, feeling his cheeks warming up.

Roy raised an eyebrow at him and then took off his domino. Jason started to hand Lian to Roy, ignoring the strong urge to just keep her in his arms, tucked away from this shitty world they live in. She deserved a better life than being raised by a vigilante dad and a vigilante uncle who sometimes shows up.

Expecting Roy to take Lian from him, he was surprised when Roy instead shook his head, walking past Jason and Lian. On his way out of the nursery, Roy stopped at the doorframe.

“You know, you’d make a great…mother, or parent, if you wanted to. Besides, I think Lian likes you more than me right now.” Roy chuckled and softly closed the door, murmuring a quick goodnight to them.

Turning his attention back on Lian, Jason let a small smile onto his face. A warm feeling grew in his body as he gently cradled her tiny head in his too-big hand, thumbing the lock of hair on her forehead. If only he had smaller, gentler hands worthy of holding Lian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I'm not going too slow for everyone here, but I think it's important to see Jay's development.  
> As always, please leave a comment! I love to hear what you have to say!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is more of a continuation of the last chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for not uploading for the past two days. I've been extremely busy, but I'm going to make up for it by uploading another chapter later today. Thank you for your patience!

Jason pounded on the bathroom door. “Oi, get your ass off the toilet! I left my phone in there!”

Through the door, Jason heard a muffled, “Jokes on you, I’m pissing!”

“…what? I don’t get the joke, carrot top!” Jason yelled, hearing a flush on the other side. A moment later, Roy exited the bathroom and handed Jason’s phone to him.

Jason wrinkled his nose, picking up the phone by its bottom corner with two fingers. “You’re gross. Go wash your hands.”

Roy rolled his eyes and shoulder checked him on his way out. “Didn’t even touch the toilet. Even pulled the handle with my toe.”

“Uh, you forgot about wiping,” Jason retorts, following him to Roy’s lab. It was more accurately one of the apartment rooms converted into Roy’s engineering haven, but ‘the lab’ was what Roy was calling it, so Jason had to call it that too.

“Wiping? I told you, I was peeing.” It was Jason’s turn to roll his eyes. Why was Roy being so difficult?

“Ya know, pissing and not wiping yourself is just gross. Now I have a phone I need to disinfect.” Jason plopped his phone onto the worktable.

Roy raised an eyebrow at him, crossing his arms. “You don’t need to wipe when you’re standing and can just shake it out.”

“What? Why do you stand to pee in your own home? You only do that in, like, public restrooms 'cause those toilets are _nasty_.” There’s a reason why urinals exist only in public restrooms, Roy. Why does Jason have to spell it out for him?

If it was possible, Roy’s eyebrow raised itself even higher. “No??? Hold up, how do _you_ pee when you’re at home?”

“Not standing up, duh. Where have you been, Roy? Who stands up to pee except at public bathrooms?”

This time, both of Roy’s eyebrows disappeared in his bangs. Roy should really stop raising his eyebrows before they’re lost in his hair. Jason knows he’d just make fun of eyebrowless Roy for the rest of his life. It’d give a new definition to carrot top.

“Uhh, like every dude on the planet. Why am I just now finding out you like to sit on the toilet? Wait, how do you pee when there isn’t a restroom, like out in the wilderness or some shit?”

Where were they _going_ with this conversation? Jason scoffed. “Ya know, same as everyone else. Once you get your pants down, you kinda squat down and do your business.”

Roy had an expression on his face Jason couldn’t decipher. Did Jason say something wrong?

It seemed like Roy was choosing his next words carefully. “You realize no other guy pisses like that, right? Why am I just now finding out you pee like a _woman_?”

He doesn’t-sitting or squatting down to pee is _normal_ …right? If what Roy’s saying is right, then he’s pissing like a girl, and _he’s not a girl_. Should he start standing to pee? But he doesn’t really like doing it that much. It’s one of the reasons he avoided public restrooms unless he really had to take a shit. Oh well, guess he’ll have to start standing and peeing now. He’ll get used to it.

Jason sputtered, “No! I don’t-a _woman_? No! That’s preposterous! I’m a guy! Anyway, what’s it to you, pervert? What kind of _urine_ _fetish_ do you have to find out how people pee? I’m glad you haven’t been spying on me when I take a piss!”

A thought crosses Jason’s mind, and a wicked smile grows on his lips. “I bet you made _Jade_ piss on you while you jerked off.”

As Roy sputtered out a urine fetish denial, Jason leaned back and crossed his arms leisurely. A couple seconds into Roy’s denial, Jay cut him off.

“No, I _definitely_ think that happened. And instead of jerking off, you fingered yourself.” Jason didn’t really think either of those events happened, but Roy needed a taste of his own medicine. It’s _weird_ to ask someone – even your best friend – how they fucking piss.

“I don’t have a urine fetish, Jay! That’s gross! Can we just forget this conversation even happened and start fixing your suit?”

“Just remember I will use this as future blackmail, but yes, I wanna go on patrol soon. It’s been _months,_ and I’m dying to get out, even if it’s dingy, stupid Star City.”

“Star City’s not _dingy_ and _stupid_!”

“Whatever, pee drinker.”

.....

“Okay, how’s the helmet?”

“It’s working now. Thanks, Roy.” Jason took off his helmet and placed it on the worktable. When he turned to Roy, he immediately deflated.

Inspecting the mangled combat skirt, Roy asked, “So, any problems you had with the skirt? I can fix them, but after we make a new one. I don’t think this one’s salvageable. Sorry, buddy.”

Jason scratched his head sheepishly. “Eh, I don’t like it. Let’s just scrap it.” Honestly, Jason loved the combat skirt, but he knew the Batclan wouldn’t like it. Bruce already didn’t like it, and it made Jason feel ashamed for wanting to wear the skirt.

He reached for the skirt, but Roy pulled away. “What are you talking about? You told me you _loved_ the skirt and planned on sending me a selfie in it.”

“Huh? Don’t remember that,” Jason deflected, reaching for the skirt again. He succeeded, balling it up and throwing it in the trash bin. When Jason faced Roy again, the man had a strange look on his face.

“What?”

Roy raised his hands up and then picked up his bow, starting to work on it. “Nothing.” Jason shrugged and left the room, intending to use his time before patrol working on a case he picked up earlier that week.

.....

“Of course, you would make me a new skirt.”

After getting ready for patrol, Jason had gone to the armory to grab his equipment. Instead, he found Roy holding out a new combat skirt for him. It looked a bit more streamlined than Jason’s original one, but it didn’t seem to hold as much equipment. Despite rejecting the combat skirt earlier, Jason found himself excited to try the new skirt on. Just looking at it made him want to run across rooftops with it on, the skirt flapping freely in the wind.

Roy waggled his eyebrows. “Come on, try it on. I even tested it myself. Had to fix where some of the pockets went because I nearly impaled my ass on an extendable baton. I think you were too excited with-“

Jason roared with laughter. “I KNEW YOU LIKED IT UP THE ASS!”

He didn’t have the energy to stop Roy from repeatedly whacking him with the skirt, punctuating, “Why. Do. I. Even. Try?”

Wiping away tears, Jason calmed down enough to gasp, “You know you love me.” Roy threw the skirt at him this time, and it wrapped around Jason’s head. He peeled it away from his head and inspected the new design, a couple hiccups bubbling its way out his throat. The mental image of Roy fucking himself with the handle of an extendable baton made Jason giggle again.

“Don’t get an asthma attack, Red Helmet. Besides, I’m pretty sure you ran into the same problem when you first wore the skirt, right?”

Jason cursed under his breath. Shit, Roy’s right. He won’t openly admit it, but when the skirt’s weight made him lose balance after a jump, he landed painfully on his back, the baton probably an inch away from going straight up his ass.

Roy cracked a smile. “Knew it. But as I was saying before I got _rudely_ interrupted by false allegations-“

“Not true.”

“-I think you got too excited with the pockets and carrying equipment. I know you’re strong, but your old skirt was like carrying a pile of bricks. No Bueno. I moved around pockets and added some more of those strap-buckle thingies you liked to make it more comfortable. Reinforced the thigh straps, which I’ve been calling garter straps, if you don’t mind. And I reduced your equipment to carrying at least two of everything. I thought some equipment had more weight than others, hence adding more clips of rubber and real bullets but less grenades, for example. You’re welcome. You can thank me now.” Roy casually leaned his hip against the worktable.

Jason attached the skirt onto his belt and tightened the ‘garter straps’. Huh, the name _is_ kinda catchy.

Twisting his hips, Jason hesitantly asked, “So, how do I look?”

Roy seemed to choose his words carefully again. “I think you look…pretty.”

Jason tilted his head in silent confusion. The way Roy said ‘pretty’ felt too deliberate. He doesn’t think Roy _actually_ thinks he’s ‘pretty’, but Jason couldn’t figure out why Roy said it. Was it a joke to make Jason laugh? Maybe he’s reading into it too much, and Roy gave him a compliment? Or, the more likely answer was that he said it just to be nice. Yeah, that’s probably it. Roy didn’t even try to sound convincing.

Despair tore through Jason. If Roy said it just to be nice to him, then that meant Jason wasn’t pretty. Why can’t he be pretty?

“Jason?” Roy snapped Jason out of his thoughts.

“Huh?”

“You alright?” Roy looked like he was guilty or something. But of what?

Jason shook his head to clear it, putting on a smile that Roy could tell was faked. “Yeah, I’m fine. Let’s head to patrol. Thanks for the upgraded utility belt.”

“Combat skirt,” Roy corrected.

Jason shrugged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the "urine fetish" section of this chapter, I drew from my own experience. As a kid, I thought peeing while standing was completely normal for girls to do and then found out in middle school it wasn't. I started to urinate "normally" and got used to it, but it didn't really feel right. When I came out as trans, it kinda made sense I had that experience. So I think Jay would have a similar experience but wouldn't have been told how to pee normally due to having a shit dad and druggie mom. The urine fetish jokes weren't from my personal experience (thankfully), but I definitely think Roy and Jason would have that conversation somehow go THERE haha
> 
> Also, I'm currently writing the next chapter, and I'm super pumped for y'all to find out what Batman Inc. has been up to! ;)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason's first patrol since his fight with Bruce.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told y'all I would upload later today, but I didn't promise to do it at a reasonable time. Sorry not sorry

Running around Star City as Red Hood and Arsenal, Jason and Roy were enjoying the night. The archer had agreed to let him patrol only if Jason let him take care of any A-list villains or caped crusaders if they showed up. At this point in Jason’s physical therapy, he could take on petty criminals but may damage himself if he went up against any of the big leagues. Swallowing his pride, Jason reluctantly agreed because he was dying to get out of the apartment.

Jason stood with one foot braced against the ledge, allowing the skirt to ripple in the night wind. He was especially glad he wore a helmet because he kept smiling like a dopey idiot. The skir-utility belt. It was an upgraded utility belt, not a skirt, Jason chastised himself. The _belt_ was amazing. When he drew up the design, he intended for it to have pleats, but he had no idea how to put the graphene-composite into pleats so he just left it flat. Apparently, Roy knew how to make pleats, and it looked _fierce_. Wonder Woman’s wig: snatched. All in all, his first patrol in months was great.

At least, until Red Robin showed up.

“What do you want, Pretender?” Jason exasperatedly snapped.

Roy drew back an arrow and kept it aimed at Red Robin.

Tim held his hands up. “I should be asking _you_ that. You decommissioned Nightwing for a week and disappeared for four months. Batman wants you in Blackgate now. What happened?”

“Well, birdie, what do you think happened?”

“The…altercation between you and Batman didn’t go so well, and now Batman says you are plotting something and must be stopped, especially since you injured Nightwing.”

Tim eyed Jason’s combat skir-upgraded utility belt. It’s a utility belt. “He said you were wearing a…suspicious device.”

Jason apprehensively thumbed the front skirt pleat on his left side. “Do you believe him?”

Tim tilted his head, a thoughtful expression on his face. “I’m a detective, Hood. I collect evidence before reaching conclusions. So, spill.”

Motioning Roy to stand down, Jason sighed and told his side of the story. “I went on patrol wearing my new…utility belt,” Jason struggled to say the words. Why can’t he call the combat skirt something else and not feel bad about it? What’s wrong with him?

“Batman found me, no thanks to Oracle, and attacked me when I was reaching for my phone in here,” he finished, pointing at the pocket on his utility-belt-that-wasn’t-but-maybe-was-a-combat-skirt. Jason hoped this explanation was enough to get Tim off his back.

Of course, Tim didn’t find his explanation satisfactory. “So why didn’t you knock them out or run away? Batman said you deceived him and Nightwing.”

Jason’s anger flared. “I didn’t _deceive_ anyone! I tried to escape but Batman cut my line. Not like it mattered, didn’t have much of a head start anyways. So when Batman started beating me up and trying to get unlock the skirt’s-I mean, belt’s safety measures, I just laid there and let it happen 'cause I _knew_ if I started fighting, I’d try to kill him _again_ , and then I’d be _back_ at square one!”

It was true. The morning after their fight, Jason spiraled into a long session of self-loathing. His anger had cooled down to a simmer, but the itch under his skin to _hurtmaimkill_ was still strong. It made Jason hate himself because he almost lost his peaceful streak and realized that he hadn’t gotten any better than when he was before he stayed with the Outlaws. That morning, he was back at square two, but only because to make square one criterion he had to permanently hurt or kill someone.

Whoop-de-do. Making progress is a bitch.

“Square one?” Tim hummed in thought. “How are you feeling these days?”

Jason still remembers their conversation.

_“You do good work, ‘bro.’ Keep your nose dry.” Jason climbed onto the balcony ledge, about to leave._

_“You’re welcome to some breakfast before you go,” Tim offered as he set a napkin in his lap. The dining table was set for two._

_Jason narrowed his eyes behind his helmet. “You realize if **Bruce** were here he wouldn’t appreciate you being so nice to me”_

_Tim gestured towards the table. “You realize Bruce **isn’t** here.”_

_“I…wasn’t always the nicest guy in the world to you, either, Drake,” Jason choked out._

_“You came back to life, Jason. **After** you were murdered. That was a lot to digest. **I** get it. Maybe we’ll all get it someday.” The honesty in Tim’s face made his heart feel tight._

_Squatting on the ledge and regarding Tim, Jason contemplated the offer. The kid looked like he wasn’t doing it to be polite. He hopped down, pulling the chair back. The smile on Tim’s face grew._

That ‘someday’ was not today, but Jason hopes it’s there. Despite Bruce’s warnings, Tim didn’t immediately blame or attack him on sight, and Dick thought he wasn’t a danger to Bruce, even if it was because Jason wasn’t fighting back.

Jason answered honestly. He felt Tim deserved it. “Better. I’m…moving past it. And I think it helps that the Pit madness wore off. It sometimes flares up, but not as intense as it used to be, though. Starting to ‘stop and smell the roses,’ as they say.”

Tim stepped closer. Behind him, Jason could feel Roy shift closer. His best friend being protective of him made him smile.

“I’m really happy for you.” Tim whipped out a business card _out of nowhere_ , the fucking CEO he was, and held it out between him and Jason. “Here’s my contact info, if you need it.”

The twenty-year-old sighed. “You’ll probably need it, though. Batman already has a contingency for you when you come back to Gotham.”

“What kind of contingency? I don’t want to spend months in recovery again.” Jason cautiously asked as he swiped CEO Tim Drake-Wayne's business card.

Tim grimaced. “He isn’t taking any chances with you. Once he finds out you’re in Gotham, he will have everyone patrolling in pairs. After Nightwing recovers from his concussion, Robin will patrol with him. I’ll be patrolling with Batgirl. Batman hasn’t told Black Bat yet, but on her next plane back he’ll tell her about you. He plans on patrolling with her. Signal will be restricted to only daytime appearances. Upon sight, we have to take you in.”

Jason nodded. “Thanks for the info, Red.”

“When are you coming back?” Jason heard the hope in Tim’s question.

He tried to keep the longing out of his voice. “Soon, baby bird.”

Tim grinned and made to turn around but stopped at the last second. “Another question: what’s with the skirt? It doesn’t look suspicious compared to how _heavy_ it looks.”

Roy burst out. “See?! Even he thinks it’s a skirt! Stop calling it an ‘upgraded utility belt’ because Batman beat you up for it! It’s a combat skirt, Hood!”

Tim raised an eyebrow at Roy. “Well, in Batman’s defense the first skirt looked more like a suicide bomber vest made for legs. This one looks like Hood’s trying to find his Scottish heritage within the League of Assassins. But I like the sound of _combat skirt_.”

Turning to Jason, Tim spread his winged cape and said, “Plus, you can join the wing club. Oh! Your combat skirt is like a cape but far more useful and for your ass!”

Jason facepalmed himself. Both Reds are about to get a taste of what his skirt can do if they don’t shut up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, please leave a comment!  
> And I kinda forgot to put this in my previous end notes, but please leave kudos if you enjoyed my fic!  
> <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On his first patrol in Gotham (again), Jason has an interesting encounter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for being a little late posing this, but I had an idea for another fic I want to write, so I'm writing both right now. I'll focus on Jaylass more, but I did want to at least start writing the other one. It's a surprise! I'll let y'all know when it's up!

A week and a half later, Jason and Roy were in Gotham, stepping into his still shitty apartment.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay here with you? We still have time to grab the rest of your stuff at your apartment and head back. You know Lian and I wouldn’t mind. ‘Sides, I’m already used to having you as my roommate. It’ll just be like Outlaw times.”

It was super tempting to Jason, but he forced himself to shake his head. “Nah, Roy, you’ve already done enough. I need to stay here. Besides, I kinda want to use the apartment I’m still paying rent on even though I was only here for about half a week.” Around the apartment, there were IKEA furniture boxes that still haven’t been _opened_ , much less made. Jason would probably get to it later today if he doesn’t get…distracted. Yeah, that’s what he’s gonna call it. It sounds far better than ‘being a lazy piece of shit.’

“You’ve got me there,” Roy chuckled, but then his face turned serious. “Promise me you’ll be careful? Don’t hesitate to call.”

“I won’t.”

After Roy left, Jason plopped himself down next to the half-made shelf and got to work. He intentionally placed himself on the floor next to the shelf and not on the couch because he _knew_ he would bum around all day until patrol if he sat down on a remotely comfy surface. When he lived with the Outlaws, Kori and Roy made sure he wasn’t a vegetable.

_“Jason, are you unwell?”_

_He flopped onto his stomach and glanced at Kori. “Eh.”_

_Kori frowned. “I see. How can I help?”_

_When he didn’t respond, Kori stood there in silence for a couple seconds before blurting, “Oh! I know!” She yanked Jason out of bed and pushed him towards the bathroom. He crashed through the slightly ajar door and barely caught himself before his hips hit the countertop. The adrenaline rush had him wide awake now. Great. Thanks, Kori._

_He threw an ugly scowl at Kori, but she didn’t seem to get the memo._

_“Get ready, Jason, while I make your favorite breakfast!” She flew away, calling out for Roy to help her cook. He shook his head, the scowl still on his face, and grabbed the razor. He’s feeling like shit, but the shave should help him feel better. It always does. That and not having to cook breakfast for Kori and Roy for once._

Jason smiled wistfully at the memory. He missed being around Kori and Roy all the time, but he knew he needed to get his life together without their help. Sure, he’ll go to Roy if he’s _injured_ , but if can’t get out of bed and land a stable daytime job? Nah, can’t bother Roy with that kind of shit. Jason needs to figure out how _he_ can make sure he wasn’t a vegetable.

Fuck.

When he inserted the third shelf, it was crooked. Damn, this may take a while. Fucking IKEA.

…..

Despite Tim’s warnings, Jason still went on patrol later that evening. He was extremely cautious and stayed in the Crime Alley area. Avoiding the bigger buildings, he stuck closer to the ground, trying to map out Oracle’s cameras, _again_. Some of her cameras remained the same, but the new ones were placed in more strategic places, cutting off most of the area. It took almost five hours to map the entire area without him being seen, and over the next week Jason will have to map out any patrol routes through Crime Alley. He didn’t see any Bats tonight, and Jason didn’t think he wanted to.

A shout pierced the night, and Jason immediately shot out a grapple towards the sound.

On the top of the building’s fire escape, he quickly surveyed the alleyway. A group of kids were beating up a single kid. Huh, usually homeless Gotham kids don’t gang up on each other unless a kid snitched or backstabbed another street rat. Actually, they usually don’t work in big groups like this unless they _had_ to. Kid must’ve done some bad shit to get all the other kids teaming up. Regardless what Jason thinks, he should at least break it up.

Jason hopped down the two-story building, landing in a crouch. He stood to his full height and stalked towards the kids. Hopefully, he wouldn’t have to say anything stern to these kids. Being a Crime Alley kid himself, he knew an adult telling them what to do would be completely ignored. If he wanted to tell them anything, he’d have to build a reputation among the street rats, and he can’t do that on his first night in Gotham.

Thankfully, one of the kids noticed him and yelled, “Scram!” before scurrying away. The rest followed him until a single kid remained in the alleyway, shaking and curling in on himself. Jason could hear labored breathing until the kid started breathing shallowly. Broken or bruised rib?

With a sigh, Jason crouched down, asking, “Yo, kid. You okay?” When the kid didn’t respond, he went to shake his shoulder.

The kid shot up and recoiled from Jason, their dark eyes ablaze with anger. Blood dribbled from the corner of his mouth, and the kid spat onto the floor, spraying the alley with blood, spit, and a tooth.

“Don’t touch me!”

The movement must’ve hurt because the kid started taking staggering breaths instead of the shallow breaths from earlier, a grimace on his face. It took a couple more seconds for Jason to notice the kid’s shirt was completely ripped at the side, hanging limply from his left shoulder and exposing the right side of their torso. Jason thought he saw small breasts, but he couldn’t tell for sure because he (she?) was curled over themselves, probably nursing their broken rib. In their unbroken hand, they clutched a wad of bandages so hard Jason could see their hand going white. ACE bandages? Wait, is this an LGBT kid? She? He? They? Jason pondered it for a second and decided to just call them ‘kid’ until he gets more information.

Jason held his hands up and slowly used his right hand to pull one of the med kits out of his skirt.

“Kid, I just wanna make sure-oof!”

The kid kicked him in the face, which he wasn’t _too_ surprised about. Personally, he smacked Batman with a _tire_ _iron_ when he first met him. Only street rats have the guts to stupidly attack a vigilante like that.

The kick itself didn’t hurt, but it did make Jason his balance and land on his ass. Damn this skirt for shifting his center of gravity so much. He’ll need to get used to it more. He still hasn’t figured out how much of each item he wants to carry and where he wants to put it in his skirt.

Popping back onto his feet quickly, Jason tore down the alley after the punk.

“Try and catch me, you Red Bucket!”

“You little son of a bitch!“

Jason burst out onto the street. The little shit must’ve been _fast_ because they were now gone. When he caught sight of one of Oracle’s cameras, he cursed himself. Despite the kid being a little sneaky fucker, he’d normally try to find the kid and make sure they were okay. But by now, Oracle probably notified one of the Bat pairs on his location. He’ll have to move.

It wasn’t until Jason got back to his apartment that he noticed: the kid also stole the med kit straight from his hand. He roared with laughter.

What a ballsy kid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear the trans kid isn't a self-insert. I'm not aggressive AT ALL nor would I ever kick a vigilante like that lolol


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason takes a trip down memory lane and reveals his plans as Red Hood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is this??? Me, uploading at a reasonable time? (at least in my time zone)

When he went to bed that night, Jason couldn’t stop thinking about his meeting with that kid. It reminded him of one fateful night.

_Jason had been walking back to the Batmobile to grab the other two tires. He rounded the back of the Batmobile only to stand face-to-face with Batman himself, crouching behind the car. No wonder why he couldn’t see the Bat._

_“Well – come to finish the job, boy?”_

_“Whoops.”_

_Batman stood to his full height, towering over Jason. Jason could tell he was trying to intimidate him, but unfortunately for him a stupid man cosplaying as a bat and prancing all over Gotham didn’t scare Jason._

_“You’re going to give me back my tires,” Batman growled out. Wow, this man was super edgy, sounding all emo and shit._

_Trying to play innocent, Jason tucked the tire iron behind his back. “Who says I took ‘em?”_

_He knew Batman wouldn’t buy it, but it was worth a shot. “What else is the **tire** **iron** for?” Well, time for Plan B._

_“This!” Jason whacked the old man in the stomach and scampered away._

_“You little son of gun-“_

_“Try and catch me, you big boob!” Jason whooped behind him as he heard Batman sprinting after him._

Wow, this kid is making him all sentimental and shit. He flopped onto his side and let out a loud sigh, his hair spanning across his pillow. Strands of black hair fell across his eyes, and he tucked them behind his ear like his mother used to.

_It was one of her better days. Even though he’d gone to bed on his own every night, Mom insisted on tucking him in. He allowed it this one time, worried she wouldn’t do it ever again._

_When Jason laid down and pulled the covers over himself, Mom sat on his bed and gently cupped his cheek in her hand. With the other hand, she tucked his bangs behind his left ear._

_“Goodnight, honey.” She kissed him on the forehead. The eight-year-old tried to commit every detail of tonight to memory. He knows it might be his only good memory of Mom for a long while. Her drug use was getting worse._

_When Mom pulled back, she took a long look at him and exclaimed quietly, “Oh, Jason, it feels like it was just yesterday when you were **this** small and could fit in my hands!” Mom cupped his face with both of her hands, minutely squeezing his cheeks. “You’re growing into such a handsome boy.”_

_Jason bit his lip. “But I don’t want to be a handsome boy. I want to be a pretty lady like you.”_

_Surprise made its way onto Mom’s face before a softer, gentler expression emerged. “Of course, you are. My pretty girl.” Never before had Jason felt so happy._

Jason knew he wasn’t or ever could be a pretty girl. But he still remembers the day he learned he would _never_ grow up and look more like his mom. He’d held onto the hope for years. At least Bruce was patient with him when he found out.

_From Jason’s worktable, Bruce held up the Robin uniform and inspected it. “Jason, you’ve grown a few inches. Is the suit too tight for you now? We can have Alfred make some alterations.”_

_The fifteen-year-old stopped aggressively hitting the punching bag, holding it still and resting his sweaty forehead against the leather._

_He sighed out in frustration. “No.”_

_Bruce turned towards him and raised an eyebrow. “The shoulder seams are being ripped apart. You’re a growing boy, Jason. I imagine the circulation’s getting to you. If you’re worried you’ll miss patrol, we can tell Alfred to make the alterations now. He could probably get it done before patrol.”_

_Jason kicked the bag so hard the chain snapped, the bag landing on the floor and rolling away from him. Growing **boy**. Why does he have such a problem with that word? He was born a boy, so he shouldn’t have a problem with it, plain and simple, right?_

_“…is this about last night?” Bruce cautiously asked. They got into another fight about Jason not following instructions and being too violent with the criminals. He could see why Bruce would think he’s currently angry about that – he still is – but it was actually about his sudden growth spurt making everything on his body too big or too small._

_“No,” Jason snapped, storming out from the Batcave and stomping up the stairs to his room._

_Throwing off his clothes, Jason accidentally looked at himself in the mirror as he got into the shower. With his too-big, disgustingly calloused hands, he scrubbed at his broad shoulders, bulky biceps, and narrow hips with the soap so hard that his skin started tearing. Hot, angry tears mixed with the shower water, blurring his vision as he looked down as his massive feet. Why did he hate his body so much?  It was doing its job. He was just **growing**. What’s wrong with that?_

_When he got out of the shower and put his underwear on, he frowned at his bulge. Ugh, another thing to hate about puberty: his growing dick. He ripped off his underwear and threw it as far away from him as possible. He went into his room and furiously dug around for a jock strap, tucking himself in as much as possible. When he put on his shorts and sat down on the bed, he looked down at his crotch and was satisfied that it was flat. There, that feels better. As he put on some basketball short, he felt the anxiety growing under his skin suddenly fade away. He gave a sigh of relief and laid on his bed, staring listlessly at the ceiling._

_The door creaked open, and Bruce popped his head in. “Is it okay if I come in, chum?”_

_Jason hummed noncommittally. Bruce walked in and sat down next to Jason. The silence grew heavy between them._

_Bruce’s voice cut into the silence. “Alfred’s fixing your suit now. You’re a growing boy, Jason. It’s okay to ask for an alteration. You know we don’t mind.” But **Jason** minded._

_He glowered at Bruce. “But I don’t **want** to be a **growing** **boy**.”_

_Confusion in his eyes, Bruce tilted his head in silent question. “But you are a growing boy.” Never before had Jason been so despondent._

_Jason huffed and crossed his arms, glaring a hole into the ceiling. The silence grew heavy once again, words they needed to say to each other going unsaid between them._

_“I’ll see you later for training and then patrol,” Bruce offered, awkwardly patting his shoulder and then retreating from Jason’s room._

Why is he just now remembering he wanted to be a ‘pretty girl’? Jason thought about the kid again. They were probably transgender, but they were also young, too. Could Jason be transgender? He immediately dismissed the thought. His experience didn’t match up with all the stories he’d heard about trans people. They all _undeniably_ knew they the opposite gender at a young age and even acted as such. Jason wasn’t like that. He was just really close to Mom.

Twirling a lock around his calloused finger, he idly played with his hair. It was now longer and curled around his chin. He probably could’ve kept growing it, but Jason liked the length, so he kept it trimmed there. Any longer, and he might be able to compete with Tim’s CEO man-bun days. Jason shuddered. _Man_ -bun. Gross.

But what if he grew it out longer? Nah, he’d just look like Thor from the Avengers. No offense to Chris Hemsworth, but he wanted his hair to beautifully flow like Barbara’s or Steph’s, not hyper-masculine like some Viking warrior. Wrinkling his nose at the thought, Jason closed his eyes and tried to sleep, but the disappointment seeping into his bones wouldn’t let him. He tried to think more positively, as Kori taught him to in times like this. Hmm, let’s see. Well, at least with his current length, his hair can look like Cassandra’s. The idea made him feel warm, and his mind finally let sleep take over.

.....

The next day, Jason pored over a map of Gotham, using pins to mark potential locations for his next project: safehouses for street rats, queer people, and prostitutes.

Sure, the Wayne shelters helped the homeless population immensely, but they also screened children to see if they were identified as missing. Most kids could run away from their abusive homes without their parents notifying the police, but others weren’t so lucky. If the kid was registered as missing, they would bring the kid back to their family or leave the kid to fend for themselves in a child abuse court case. Jason didn’t have much faith in Gotham’s legal system. Perhaps his safehouses could give the kids an unofficial shelter to go to without fear of being brought back to their abusive homes.

Also, one of the highest demographics for homelessness was LGBT people, particularly LGBT youth. They were more likely to be stigmatized, assaulted, or abused, driving them away from using shelters in general. To queer people, Gotham’s harsh streets were seen as a _better_ option than going to a homeless shelter, which says a lot because Jason _knew_ how harsh it got. Jason would make _sure_ his safehouses were LGBT-friendly. Considering the only other demographics were abused children and prostitutes, he didn’t plan on having much trouble on that front.

As for the prostitutes, his ‘safehouses’ could give them housing and a base of operations without resorting to pimps. Last night, he saw how much the prostitute community grew while he was away. It included people of all types of bodies, genders, and sexualities. But pimps and even people still treated them horribly. On the positive side, the community was more tight-knit than ever, with many prostitutes operating in groups. With his safehouse project, Jason was hoping he could offer them some safety and security.

His safehouses would be kept on the down low and be watched by himself. The project made Jason excited because it was one only _Red Hood_ would undertake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for liking or commenting on my story! It means so much to me! Please let me know what you think!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason makes some progress on his new project...and his gender identity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yooooooo, I'm still surprised I was able to post this today. I had like fifteen vials of blood drawn from me earlier today and was light-headed all day. But I couldn't go to sleep, so I started writing *shrugs* there's no rest for the writer I guess

During the daytime, Jason started getting the safehouses ready and spent hours at each location. Because almost all of them are abandoned buildings, he made sure their structural integrity was sound. Most of the places needed to be fixed up, mainly water and piping issues, but Jason trusted his mechanics skills enough to get it done. He’ll just have to buy one of those stereotypical construction worker toolkits to get the job done. Bob the Builder, here he goes.

He also checked if people weren’t already living there. It was pretty embarrassing when he walked into an abandoned apartment complex and found druggies _everywhere_. Despite his many refusals, they still tried to get him high with them. It didn’t end so well for Mom, so _hard_ pass.

Arguably the most important thing to check for was if there were any future plans for the buildings. No point in making a safehouse only for it to be mowed down by new city plans, like the new shopping strip replacing the rundown warehouses in the financial district in about a year. After looking at some of the ads, he honestly couldn’t bring himself to be mad that the strip took away one of his safehouses because he was looking forward to shopping or hanging out there sometime. He just hoped it wouldn’t be destroyed by one of Gotham’s rogues.

Progress on his project was going smoothly. All in all, he should have all the safehouses running in a couple months.

.....

During his patrols, Jason tried to get acquainted with each group. After the first week, Jason would find himself not patrolling and instead playing with the homeless kids around Crime Alley and sometimes in the Narrows. He told himself that he was only joining their games to keep an eye on them, but when he started buying kickballs and other cheap dollar store knick-knacks for them, he knew it was a miserable excuse he keep telling himself. Some of the kids were surprised that someone would _gift_ them something and let them keep it. He understood the sentiment.

Jason didn’t realize he’d built his reputation among the kids so well until a couple of them started asking him to help them steal, to which he’d always respond the same: he’d go to the nearest decent food place and buy a meal for them, eating his own meal while they’d sit side-by-side chatting into the night.

One of his favorite memories with the kids so far involved five-year-old Samantha. She admitted to Jason she ran away twice from her family, but she wouldn’t tell him why. He’ll find out one of these days. For the mean time, he gave her a place to stay at the most renovated safehouse. It took a couple days of convincing, but she eventually caved in.

_“Red?” Sam pulled at the edge of his combat skirt, shyly looking around the small office space refurbished into a bedroom. The abandoned warehouse was in Crime Alley, so Jason knew he could keep a close eye on her._

_He crouched down to her eye-level. “Yes, darling?” She still had fistful of his skirt in her hand, but he couldn’t bring himself to swat her hand away just yet._

_Sam shyly pulled the skirt to her face until it hid her mouth, muffling her words. “I like your skirt. I want one when I grow up. I wanna be just like you and protect kids like me.” She momentarily stopped, her cheeks red with embarrassment. “But I don’t like red, so I wanna be Pink Hood,” she hurriedly finished before letting go of his skirt and dashing off._

_He chuckled at her hiding underneath the blanket on her cot. Jason thinks she’d make a damn great Pink Hood._

_Who knows? Maybe Lian could join her. Pink Arrow and Pink Hood would definitely give criminals a run for their money. Jason made a mental note to tell Roy to start making Lian’s Pink Arrow costume. He knew Roy would try to beat him up and make sure he didn’t give Lian any ideas in the future. But it’s not like Roy would stop him. The guy’s been trying for years to stop him from doing some stupid, fucked up shit. He doesn’t think Roy would succeed this time. Besides, Jason would rather teach Lian how to at least defend herself than have her be some damsel in distress. Between Jason and Roy, Lian would have a good long-range weapons repertoire. Jason could also probably convince Roy to make a bow that had a pistol in it too. Lian would definitely dig that._

After his second week of patrols, it became customary for prostitutes to ask Red Hood to walk them home. They’d sometimes take longer routes because he couldn’t be seen by any cameras, but the prostitutes never minded. They were just glad one of Gotham’s vigilantes would regularly walk them home instead of occasionally saving them.

Jason looked at Shelley’s necklace again as she chattered away to him and another prostitute about her roommates. The silver ring dangling from a single chain glittered every time she squeaked in excitement, recounting some story about how she met her second roommate. It was actually a pretty funny story, but Jason found himself distracted by the ring on her neck. It was the modest yet classic kind of jewelry Mom always wore.

_Mom was washing the dishes while six-year-old Jason dried them with a cloth towel. He’d been staring at the simple, golden wedding band resting on the counter._

_“Mommy?”_

_“Yes, dear?”_

_“When will I get my wedding ring?” He wanted one just like Mom’s, shiny and humble like her smile._

_She chuckled, explaining, “Well, when you love someone and want to live with them happily ever after, the husband gives the wife a ring. That’s why your father gave me a ring.”_

_Jason thought for a second. “So I need to wait until my husband gives me a ring? And then I can live happily ever after with my prince?”_

_Mom stopped scrubbing the plate. After a moment’s hesitation, she said, “Yes, sweetheart. When you fall in love and your prince gives you a wedding ring, you will live happily ever…like a princess?”_

_Oblivious to her question, Jason nodded with a bright smile on his face. “Like a princess.” A sudden thought came to him, and he looked at her with big, blue eyes. “Will my prince give me all the necklaces and dresses in the world?” A smile slowly made its way onto her face._

_Kissing the top of his head, Mom said, “Of course, Princess. Do you want to go buy some dresses with me tomorrow?”_

_Jason thought about how little food they’ve had recently. Even though they just had dinner, he was still hungry._

_He shook his head. “I’m okay. One day, my prince will buy the **both** of us all the dresses we want! And we can…”_

_“Yes, yes, he will,” she said, nodding along to Jason’s excitable chattering._

Within the next year, Catherine Todd would start heavily using drugs. She never seemed to remember this conversation, and after spending more and more time out on the streets to pay their rent, Jason did too.

Until now.

After a couple more seconds of deliberation, Jason cut Shelley off from her story.

“Hey, Shelley?”

Shelley abruptly stopped, intently looking at him with her big, puppy dog eyes. For a prostitute, she seemed far too optimistic and innocent. It was surprisingly a little refreshing for Jason to see, but he knew one day her eyes would become dull and jaded. New prostitutes always had a rude awakening at one point.

“Yeah, hon?”

“I know it may sound weird coming from me, but I _love_ your jewelry. I honestly wish I was a woman, so I could pull of jewelry without trying.”

Shelley looked at Manny, both not knowing what to make of a confession coming from _Red Hood_. It probably sounded even worse because of his helmet’s voice modulator. He should’ve just kept his mouth shut.

When she turned back to him, Shelley broke into a smile. “Ya know, if ya just go to a good jewelry store, the people there can help ya pick out some matchin’ jewelry!” Hope arose in Jason’s heart, but he squashed it quickly. He had to be realistic here. Bulky, hyper-masculine men like him didn’t look good in jewelry, at least not like women did.

He coughed to hide his sudden discomfort and said, “I appreciate the compliment, but you don’t have to be polite.”

Manny punched him lightly on his shoulder. “Nah, man. We ain’t lying.”

Jason shook his head. “No, it’ll only look good on me if I was a woman.”

He huffed out a breath in exasperation, trying to articulate his words. “I just wish-hmm, no. Umm…oh!” Jason snapped his fingers when he found his words. “I sometimes think my life would be easier if I wasn’t so much like a woman.” He wouldn’t be having all these disruptive thoughts running wild in his head.

Manny laughed. “Uh, I don’t know, why don’t you _become_ a woman, or some shit? It’s the 2020s, man. Go wild. You’ve only got one life to live.”

The thought almost made him snort. Technically, Jason’s got _two_ lives to live.

Pardoning the dead man joke, Jason thought about what Manny said and abruptly halted in his tracks. “…like transgender?” Him? Transgender? No way. He shook his head and resumed walking, speeding up so Shelley and Manny had to pick up their pace.

The gay prostitute stood up straighter, “Dude, I was just kidding, but if you’re really thinking about it, then…” Manny trailed off, and it seemed like he didn’t know what to say, awkwardly scratching his head. He turned to his fellow roommate.

“Shelley, some help here?”

Heels clacking on the sidewalk, Shelley shrugged. “Well, Manno’s gotta point there-ow!” Manny poked her hard for the nickname, and she continued, “Ya need ta check it out, Red. I remember talkin’ to ya ‘bout growin’ out yer hair. And don’t think I didn’t notice ya add that cute red on yer skirt!” Shelley pointed to his skirt pleats that now had red on the inside folds.

“I just thought the red lining made the skirt pop,” Jason attempted to justify.

Holding a finger up to him, Shelley said, “Yeah, yer right about the red linin’ makin’ yer skirt look _smackin’_ , but I said ‘think about it’, mmkay, hon? Will ya do that fer me?”

What was there to _think_ about? He wasn’t trans. His experience didn’t match with other trans people’s experiences. Therefore, he wasn’t trans. But maybe he was…what was the term now? Gender non-conforming? Hmm, he's not that surprised about it. Gender non-conforming. Yeah, that's what he was. He wasn't trans. He was just gender non-conforming.

"I think I'm gender non-conforming," Jason blurted out.

Manny spoke up this time, holding his hands up. "Whoa, no need to jump to conclusions. I can see your mind whirring up in there. I agree with Shelley, just think about it. You don't need to _rush_ or anything."

Thank Superman that they arrived at Manny and Shelley’s apartment complex. He’d have a reprieve from wrapping his mind around this subject.

“We’re here,” Jason coughed out. Bidding his farewell, he shot out his grapple and faded into the night.

.....

Jason ran across Gotham’s rooftops as fast as he could. He didn’t have a destination in mind, and he didn’t care if any of the Bats saw him. He just needed to clear his mind. As he ran faster and harder, everything faded around him until he could only hear his labored breathing and heavy footfalls.

A scream pierced through the fog, snapping him out of his trance. On instinct, Jason shot a grapple towards the sound.

When he landed on the concrete ground, Jason recognized Ieyonna, a black and feisty trans chick, getting onto her feet. To his surprise, he saw the punk kid from a couple weeks ago, this time fighting a man twice their size.

And the kid was _winning_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone think this was gonna be the revelation chapter? Sorry if you felt like I tricked you or anything, but tbh when I was exploring my gender identity I just convinced myself I was gender non-conforming and was all like "oh, I just like to cross dress but I'm not a GUY ew that's just wrong"  
> Well, little did everyone know that I actually WAS a guy, including me. Ha ha, jokes on everyone and myself!  
> As always, leave a comment or a kudos! It should be well-known by now that I looooove feedback c:


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason learns more about transgender people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, when I made this chapter, I didn't know where to really stop, so I just kept writing it. Now, I realize it probably could've been two chapters, but oh well. This is how I wrote it.  
> I've also been hella busy AFTER finishing finals and coming back home?? Like, no??? Suddenly I was doing errands every single day and doing some major things. I really weighed down on me NOT posting this chapter! So I'm sorry for the wait. My goal is posting a chapter a day, but I'll just post when I can

Jason took a couple seconds to survey the fight before acting. The five-foot-nothing, scrawny kid was up against a built, six-and-a-half-foot tall man. But the street-toughened kid seemed to know how to throw punches while the prissy man seemed like he’d been fed from a silver spoon his whole life.

The kid’s knuckles were red, and their nose was leaking blood. The man had several bruises developing on his face, mostly around his eyes. Wow, kid must’ve jumped up to land _those_ punches.

Seeing an opening in their fight, he hopped in. He easily pushed the kid away with one hand and blocked the man’s next punch with the other, grabbing his fist and twisting it so hard Jason could feel the arm _break_. Using the same arm, he tossed the guy over his shoulder, and the man landed painfully on his back and remained there, groaning from hitting his head _hard_. Before the kid could pounce on the poor guy and pummel him, Jason hefted the kid over his shoulder and let the kid squirm and struggle in his hold.

“Let go of me, Bucket Head!” Little fists pelted his back, but Jason could barely feel it through his jacket and muscle.

“Not happening, kid.” This time, the kid started pelting his helmet, which was more annoying than anything else. “Hey, stop it you twat!”

“Then fucking let go of me! I’m almost thirteen! I’m not a kid! You dumbass _shithead_!”

This kid was getting a bit too much to handle. They were kicking and screaming so hard, Jason was swaying on his feet, trying to maintain balance. “I’ll put you down when you promise to not to dash off.”

The kid stopped. “Deal. Now put me down, bitch.” Jason swore he rolled his eyes so hard he could see the inside of his coffin.

The moment he set them down, the kid tried to bolt away. Jason was actually anticipating this, and simply picked up the kid by the scruff of their collar like a stray cat. The kid immediately started kicking, punching, and scratching at him. One of the kicks was aimed at his crotch area, but Jason shifted the kid further back so that their foot only connected with his bullet-proof skirt. The entire time the kid swore an awful mouth. Even sailors weren’t this bad.

“Nice try, kid. But I know how Crime Alley kids work.” Jason called out behind him. “Ieyonna, you still there?”

“Yeah, I’m here. I’m fine,” she answered. Jason frowned. She sounded shaken up but desperately trying not to sound like it. She’s one tough girl.

He turned around with the struggling kid, pinning them to his chest, and asked, “So what happened here? I don’t think the kid’s gonna answer me like this.”

“Suck my dick, asshelmet!” the kid spat, smacking his helmet once again. “Put me down and fucking fight me, you pussy!” Jeez, will this kid let up? And…and was that a variant of _‘asshat’_? Who does this kid think they are?

Ieyonna shrugged. “You know, the same old. Another John thinkin’ they could get away with more. If she hadn’t stopped-“

“It’s _‘he,’_ motherfucker!” The kid stopped struggling with Jason and instead tried to swipe at Ieyonna now. Wow, this kid was angry at everyone and everything.

The kid’s pronoun correction piqued Ieyonna’s interest. Jason won’t admit that it piqued his too.

Ieyonna’s face expression suddenly turned understanding. “I’m truly sorry, honey. I’m trans, too, and-“

“Oh, I fucking know, you cunt. I ain’t about to let one of my trans sisters get beat up ‘cause some douchebag was expecting a vagina! Now tell this dipshit to get the hell outta my asscrack before I shit all over him!” The kid’s struggle returned in fervor, actually landing some pretty good hits on Jason this time.

If he didn’t make Jason so fucking aggravated, Jason would be impressed.

Ieyonna burst out laughing at the kid’s insults. When she stopped, she looked around her to see if anyone was watching them. “Look, I ain’t supposed to do this but…how ‘bout I treat y’all to dinner, as thanks? But _you_ , young sir, have to promise me you won’t go runnin’ off.” Holding a determined expression, Ieyonna held a hand towards the kid. Personally, Jason didn’t really want to eat at some rando place with a trans prostitute and a trans kid, but after seeing her weird reaction…Jason had a hunch. He needed to walk her home and make sure she was alright.

Looking down, Jason could see the kid was in clear conflict. He could tell the thought of a warm meal must’ve sounded glorious to the kid, but going somewhere with strangers? Even if one was a vigilante and the other was a fellow transgender? Street rats don’t trust like that.

After several long moments, Jason decided to help. He shook the kid in his arms. “Look, I don’t wanna hold you _hostage_ here any longer than I have to, but I don’t want you running off before I can check your injuries. Besides, it’s a free meal. You should be rewarded for looking out for other transgender people.”

After a couple more moments, the kid said, “Fine, cocksucker.” The kid huffed as he made a solid handshake with Ieyonna, allowing Jason to _finally_ set the brat down.

Jason and the kid had a short stare down until the kid asked, “So what’s with the skirt? You go to some preppy school or some shit?” Why does everyone fixate on his skirt? It’s basically just a fashionable utility belt!

The kid didn’t seem to have a filter. “You know what? I don’t wanna know. It’s prolly some kinky shit anyways. You prolly wear that skirt and ask some guy to fuck your brains out. _Disgusting_.”

Why did he put the kid down, again? Oh, yeah, that’s right: Jason’s a _responsible_ adult who doesn’t hurt children. He may have been _real_ close there for a second, though. Damn, is this what Roy felt like when he made that stupid urine fetish joke? Karma’s a bitch.

He heavily sighed. “It’s my combat skirt.” He shrugged, adding, “I’m gender non-conforming.” The thought made him excited. He was discovering himself after all these fucked up years returning from the grave. Maybe there is hope for him after all.

At his words, Ieyonna seemed to appraise him while the kid’s eyebrow shot up. The two had great timing because they both spoke at the same time.

“Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.”

“You tell yourself that, fuckface.”

Tell himself what? Jason was confused, and he was glad he wore a helmet so they wouldn’t see his confusion.

Moving on, Jason addressed Ieyonna as he bent down and zip-tied the man. “So what place do you have in mind? I can pay for everyone.”

Ieyonna made an incredulous expression on her face. “What’chu talkin’ about? I _said_ I were all gonna go somewhere, _my_ treat.”

“Hmpfh. I’ll pay for myself while you can pay for the kid-“ The kid cut him off quickly.

“I’m not a kid! My _name_ is Reagan!”

Jason continued. “-but you let me walk you and _Reagan_ home afterwards, deal?” He glared at the kid. “And it’s fucking _great_ to meet you, _Reagan_.”

Ieyonna nodded. “Deal.” They shook on it.

“So, where’s the place?” he asked as he quickly bandaged Reagan’s knuckles, the kid sticking his tongue out at him. “We’ll have to go through backstreets and the like ‘cause I can’t be seen on camera.” Reagan’s other eyebrow shut up again, but then he shrugged and let it slide. Yeah, Crime Alley kids don’t ask too many questions.

“O…kay? You okay, Hood?” Ieyonna silently questioned him for a couple seconds longer but then decided to move on. “Alright then, Mr. Hood. Just make sure if you get caught, I’m not there. And I was thinking the Red Robin near the bridge. It’s close to my apartment.”

Of course, it’s _Red Robin_. As Jason led the way, Ieyonna and Reagan trailing behind, he muted his helmet and made a quick call.

.....

“Hood, you know you’re asking a lot, right?”

“Well, you got any other ideas, Red? I can’t sit in a fucking restaurant like _Red Robin_ without all the Bats _converging_ on me!”

“Then why did you _agree_ to go to _Red Robin_ when you _know_ you can’t be seen out and about? Also, what'd you expect from me? That I _own_ Red Robin?” Tim abruptly stopped talking.

"Oh, don't get any ideas, fuckwad!"

"Okay, okay. But why are you going to Red Robin? I'm sure you've got more sophisticated tastes."

“’Cause I got a hunch Ieyonna’s either being sex trafficked or has a pimp! I can beat up the guy, wrap him up all nice for Batman and the police, and help her find a new place to stay. And the kid’s for sure living on the streets, so I’ll just find him a new place with Ieyonna. They’re both getting along well already.”

Jason glanced behind him and saw the two in deep conversation, Ieyonna listening intently while Reagan was all animated. He didn’t know the kid had such a great smile. Wonder what made him a tiny ball of anger most of the time.

“Please, Tim. Don’t leave them hanging like this. I don’t actually want to go to Red Robin now, but I need to make sure they’re safe.  You know the LGBT population has the highest rates of homelessness and discrimination, and they need all the help they can get.”

He heard Tim sigh on the other end. “Okay. I’ll do it. But since I’ll be hacking _Oracle’s_ network, know I won’t be able to hold her off too long, _maybe_ an hour at the most.”

“I’ll take it, Tim. Can you hack social media for me, too? I’d do it myself, but I’d rather not _walk and hack_ with a prostitute and a kid.”

Tim sighed louder in frustration. Jason knows it was half-hearted at best. “Fine. I’ll do that too. You owe me one, Jaybird.”

Jason bit his lip before taking the leap. “Yeah, about that…do you want to patrol together next Friday? You can ask Stephanie if she’s okay with it first, though.”

The silence on the other end started to suffocate Jason. Oh, no. He made the wrong move, and now Tim will-

“Of course! We can have our first meeting of the Winged Caped Society, Red Hoot!” Jason heard rapid-fire keyboard clacking on Tim’s end. Oh, that’s what made Tim pause for a bit. And then Jason registered what Tim said.

“RED HOOT?!”

He quickly turned back to see Ieyonna and Reagan staring at him. Damn, he said it _that_ loud.

“Ya know, ‘cause your skirt looks like my cape but smaller and for your _thunder thighs_ -“

“What?! Did you just say I have _’thunder_ _thighs’_?”

“Okay, bye! I gotta go and hack Oracle now! See ya next Friday!” Tim rushed out as he hastily hung up.

“GET BACK HERE, REPLACEMENT!” The call ended, and Jason was left with Ieyonna and Reagan staring at him _again_. Letting out a long, long sigh, Jason unmuted his helmet.

“So, what’cha talkin’ about?” he started.

“We were just tellin’ each other our comin’ out stories.”

“If you don’t know, it’s how we discovered we were _trannys_ ,” Reagan supplied. Ieyonna smacked his arm. “Ow! What’s that for, bitch? I’m a tranny so I’m allowed to call myself a tranny!”

“Have more respect for yourself!”

“Well, I’ll do that when dumbass cishet people finally respect _us_!”

Jason needed to deescalate this _fast,_ before Reagan got all Kungfu on them again. “So, coming out stories? Mind sharing?”

Ieyonna jumped at the opportunity, probably not wanting to not anger Reagan.

“Ever since I was little, I knew I was a girl. But I got bullied for playing with dolls and the other girls so much that I ended up _repressin’_ that aspect of my identity for a long time. Before, I just thought I was one of the girls, and then when I had my rude awakenin’, I kept thinkin’ I was born in the wrong body.” Ieyonna suddenly had this far-off expression, like she was a million miles away from the moment. “And one day in middle school, I’d convinced myself I _wasn’t_ a girl at all, but I began losin’ myself in the process. I did a lot of fucked up shit to… _cope_.” She involuntarily shuddered and shook her head to clear whatever thoughts she was having.

“As I grew up, the lie I was tellin’ myself kept growin’ and growin’, like this _burden_ weighing down on my shoulder, until I couldn’t _take_ it anymore. I accepted myself as a woman, came out to my friends and family, and when I was kicked out, I lived on the streets for a while until I made a livin’ sellin’ myself. It’s not ideal, but what can a high school drop out do? Sometimes, I wish I could’ve stayed with my family, finished my senior year of high school and accepted that full-ride scholarship I got at Gotham U, gotten my dream job as a Civil Engineer, and lived a successful life…but it’d all be a lie. I’m better off here, anyways, with people who accept me for being _me_. And I’m so glad my boyfriend accepts me.”

Wow. Jason didn’t think trans people had it _that_ bad. To lose a _full-ride_ scholarship at GU because her family couldn’t accept she was _transgender_? Unbelievable. This city’s – no, this _society’s_ – too fucked up. Anger flared deep in Jason’s _bones_. There needs to be some _serious_ – no, _systematic_ – changes, and not the kind Bruce Wayne’s money can provide. There’s only so much throwing money on a problem can do. Once he was done with his safehouse project, Jason needs to find out how to not only fix the corruption but also the prejudice in Gotham. He can’t do the entire USA, but he can start in Gotham, the worst city in America.

Before Jason could think about the subject more, Reagan started his story.

“I found out I was trans like…a year ago? I ain’t like most trans people, who all _knew_ they were the opposite gender when they were _born_. I just knew I was… _different_ , like something was _off_. Like, I read this article somewhere, and I learned this trans dude _didn’t_ know he was a guy until he was older, that it took him longer to _figure_ it out. But once he figured it out, everything just…clicked.” Reagan shrugged. “I started putting the pieces together, and my life finally made _sense_. That… _offness_ that was just a constant in my life? It was because deep down, I _am_ a boy.”

Reagan cracked his knuckles, hissing in pain from the slight bruising.

“When I told my family, they didn’t take me seriously, saying I was just ‘going through a phase’ and that I was just a ‘tomboy.’ They just…completely _ignored_ my transgender identity, and continued living their lives like I _hadn’t_ just told them something _important_. A week later, without telling me they drove me to a gay conversion camp. What was my family thinking? I left after the first night and bought a ticket to the next bus leaving. So now I’m here in Gotham, _states_ away from my home and family.”

Jason let Reagan’s words sink in. As much as he wanted to kill Reagan’s family, he fixated on one thing.

“So let me get this straight-“

Ieyonna and Reagan answered at the same time.

“Kinda hard to do that here, honey.”

“I’m gaaaaaaaaay.”

Jason tried again this time. “So let me get this _sorted_. Reagan, you didn’t know you were trans when you were a kid?”

Reagan shrugged again. “What can I say? I’m a dumbass bitch. Didn’t claim to be smart or anything.”

“Have some respect for yourself!” Ieyonna smacked Reagan’s arm again.

“Uh, Bucket Face?” Reagan asked.

Jason’s vision swirled, his mind running a million miles a second. He and Reagan had eerily similar stories…but if Reagan was transgender, did that mean  _Jason_ was transgender? He didn’t know he was a _girl_ when he was little, but he’d always felt _different_. And that ‘offness’ became more and more apparent as he matured, both before and after his death. And like Ieyonna said, it's all coming to a head for him. The years of not living authentically was now weighing down on him, leaking through every single aspect of his life.

He-

Jason stopped the thoughts. Jason tried something.

Her name is Jason Peter Todd.

“Shit. I think I’m transgender.”

Ieyonna let out a breath. “Oh, thank God, you weren’t _just_ gender non-conforming.”

“Yeah, you know ‘gender non-conforming’ is like a red flag for trannydom, right?” Ieyonna smacked Reagan’s arm again.

Jason facepalmed herself. Why was her luck always so shitty?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally!!!! You can see WHY I really wanted to get this chapter out! We're finally here!  
> So two things from my life I usedas inspiration:  
> -When Ieyonna said she lost a full-ride scholarship, I based that on how I lost my full-ride Air Force ROTC scholarship after the transgender military ban went into effect. Thanks, Trump administration. Luckily, I have a different full-ride scholarship from the university, so I'm still going in college!  
> -I found out I was transgender after watching a trans man on YouTube tell his coming out story. He said he didn't know he was a man until he figured it out. I just thought to qualify as transgender, you needed to know you were trans from birth, basically. After I heard his story, I came out within a week or two. Yeah, shit's crazy.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ieyonna and Reagan tell Jay what she should do next.

Jason, Ieyonna, and Reagan sat in the corner of Red Robin trying to _not_ be suspicious. But that’s kind of hard to do when _Red Hood_ is ordering coffee, the helmet resting on the table.

At least the waitress had a thing for vigilantes or something. She let them into the restaurant was also the one who offered to wait their table.

“Want anythin’ with that coffee, sir?” Was Jason a ‘sir’ anymore? Should she still use male pronouns, at least publicly? Now that she knew she may not be a man, it didn’t feel right to keep using those pronouns. But what should she have people refer to her as?

A thought suddenly hit her.

“No. And call me ‘Hood,’” she gruffly commanded, quickly handing the menu to the woman without looking at her. Still reeling from her ‘transgender awakening’ earlier that night, she wasn’t particularly hungry. She had too many thoughts swirling in her head.

What _would_ people who knew her civilian identity call her? As much as ‘Jason’ was a nice name, she didn’t know if she could just suddenly change her name. Mom gave it to her, and she couldn’t bring herself to throw it away just yet. So any contenders on what to call herself for now? Jay? Well, most people she knew already called her ‘Jay’ or some variant of it. Wouldn’t be much of a change.

“Aight, Hood. You sure you don’t want _anythin’_ _else_?”

Jay turned and made eye contact with her and nearly balked. From the look in her eye, the waitress wasn’t asking about anything else she wanted on the _food menu_.

“No, not at all,” she growled out and turned away, deciding to quickly shut down the woman. No need to send any mixed signals. The girl’s smile faltered only slightly before she turned and took Reagan’s order. Jay just found out she may be _transgender_. Getting some was the _least_ of her priorities.

“Aight, princess, that all?” the peppy waitress asked Reagan, writing down the kid’s order.

A murderous look glinted in the kid’s green eyes. “Call me ‘princess’ again, you c-“ Jay clamped a hand over Reagan’s mouth and pinned him against her chest. Why was she suddenly Reagan’s babysitter?

Ieyonna came to the rescue, reassuring, “Ah, he’s a little tired, ma’am. Don’t mind him.” Jay tried to smile innocently at the waitress. She didn’t think it worked, but it was worth a shot.

“Oooookaaaaay,” the waitress said with a forced smile, trying not to let the skeptical look overtake her face. She then smiled seductively at Jay and sauntered past her, intentionally bumping Jay’s shoulder with her hip. Why was _everything_ happening to her all at once? She just found out she may be transgender while on top of trying to find out if Ieyonna was not being pimped out. She was currently _babysitting_ Reagan, and now this woman was definitely hitting on Red Hood.

Jay suddenly let Reagan go.

“Ah! Did you just bite me?!” she demanded, glaring at Reagan incredulously. Reagan stuck his tongue out at her. She rolled her eyes and wiped her hand on Reagan’s shirt while the kid tried to swat away her hand.

“I see you eyeballing that girl…but remember we’re all here to celebrate us trannys-hey!” Ieyonna interrupted Reagan by smacking his arm, _again_.

“Respect yourself!”

“’Respect yourself!’” Reagan mimicked with an annoying voice. The three sat in silence until the waitress came back with their drinks, _still_ checking Jay out as she left.

The coast was clear.

“Okay, okay. So I’m transgender…now what? I don’t have the slightest _clue_ what I’m doing. I literally _stumbled_ into this,” Jay admitted, running a hand back through her chin-length hair and pulling stray strands out of her face.

Reagan spoke up. “You didn’t ‘ _stumble’_ into anything. You put the pieces together and figured out you were transgender. It ain’t an easy task. Believe me, I wish it was.”

Ieyonna suggested, “What I recommend first is to evaluate what you can do. For example, when I found out, I figured I’d have to secretly go to a gender therapist if my family was still not accepting. That wasn’t really a problem after they kicked me out.”

Jay shrugged. “I don’t have family to badger me about being trans, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Hey, that’s good. You prolly got a job when you’re not doing… _this_ ,” Reagan vaguely motioned at Jay and her helmet, “so you can afford hormones ‘n shit. You prolly got good insurance too, if you can run around Gotham getting beat up by clowns, plants, and-”

“Hormones?!” Jay threw her face in her hands. “Oh, my goodness gracious! I’ve _no_ idea what being trans _means_!” she finished, waving her arms around. At Jay’s sudden outburst, Reagan’s eyes were saucers.

“ _Hunty_ , calm yo tits down, would’ya?” Ieyonna hissed at her, glancing at the other people in the restaurant. Red Robin had already closed its doors fifteen minutes ago, serving the people still inside the restaurant. There were only two other tables being occupied, and they were at the other side of the room, so Jay wasn’t particularly worried.

“You couldn’t tell _Reagan_ that? The kid’s a fucking firecracker – loud and annoying as shit.”

“Try me, bitch!” Reagan tried to smack her, but she easily grabbed his wrist.

Jay squeezed _threateningly_. “I won’t hesitate, bitch,” she growled out.

Ieyonna smacked Jay’s hand, causing her to release Reagan’s wrist. Damn, Ieyonna’s got a _mean_ hand smack. Wonder what a bitch slap feels like from the chick.

“ _Movin’ on_. Hood, I recommend you see a gender therapist. They can help you figure out what to do next.”

Gender therapist. Got it.

“Is that it? I feel like there’s more to the story than seeing some shrink.”

“That ain’t how it work for us trannys-“

Reagan was cut off by Ieyonna smacking his arm. Nonplussed, the kid continued, “It’s kinda hard for us to get hormones 'n shit, unless you know a hormone dealer like Ieyonna over here-”

“Whoa, Reagan. You’re gettin’ ahead here.” Turning to Jay, Ieyonna said, “I recommend you see this gender therapist named Alison Jenkins-Nguyen at the Equality Center. Plenty of trans people I know went to her. She operates on a slidin’ income scale and really looks out for us. If I had any of my paperwork, I would’ve gone to her. She’s a bit more… _legal_ about gender transition.” Jay took note of Ieyonna’s situation. If she wasn’t being abused by a pimp, then Jay still needed to help her get her legal documents. Knowing Gotham police, she doubts they would’ve helped an underage black trans girl get her legal documents. They seem to be more focused on  _insane clowns_ than LGBT youth in unsafe households.

Ieyonna continued. “I’ve also heard she brings in a lawyer she knows to help anyone get their named changed, for _free_. Most other therapists here in Gotham ain’t like her. They just want your money without carin’ if you get any trans care. Alison? Not at all. She makes sure to hook you up and send you on your transition. And some of the gay community also told me she can help you figure out if you _ain’t_ transgender and-”

“Wait, what do you mean? How can you _not_ know you’re transgender?” Reagan abruptly asked.

At that moment, the waitress brought their food over. She hovered around Jay as she put their food down. This time, Jay didn’t even acknowledge her, and finally the waitress seemed to understand she wasn’t interested. Jay wasn’t at all interested in fucking a girl who thought she was a _man_. The thought nearly made her shudder.

When the waitress left, Ieyonna answered Reagan’s question. “One of my friends, she’s a butch lesbian who thought she was a straight trans man. After going to Alison, I think she came to terms with her bein’ a butch lesbian. I think she felt she wasn’t allowed to be a woman anymore because she was drag kingin’ so often. She still does drag at The Dark Rainbow, if y’all interested.”

The name sounded awfully familiar to Jay. “The Dark Rainbow? Isn’t that the Bat-themed gay bar somewhere downtown?”

“Aw, hell yeah, it is! If you haven’t been, the place is _awesome_. You can sometimes see Batwoman and Bluebird there – they’re my _favorite_ heroes! I know the owner’s husband too, and I do lots of small jobs there for a free meal,” chirped Reagan, munching on his fries excitedly. Through a mouthful of fries, he supplied, “The owner is gay, and his husband is trans.”

Ieyonna smacked Reagan’s arm. “Don’t speak with your mouth full!”

Taking a huge bite of his burger, Reagan intentionally chewed on his food louder. “You’re not my _mom_!”

“You sure need one,” Jay snorted.

“I agree with Hood. Now chew with your mouth closed, and swallow before you speak,” Ieyonna ordered.

“’Chew with your mouth closed.’ ‘Swallow before you speak.’” Reagan mimicked…after chewing and swallowing his bite. Jay thinks Reagan didn’t want to be smacked by Ieyonna anymore. Personally, she was only smacked _once_ , and she didn’t want to feel it again. Jay swears if Ieyonna were to bitch slap the Joker, the stupid clown would cry to his mommy.

“ _Movin’ on_. Hood, just see Alison. She can hook you up with anythin’ you need. I know trans people from all backgrounds – from the filthy rich to the homeless poor – and she’s been able to help them all. I trust she can help you figure it out. No one’s transition journey is the same, after all.”

Jay nodded, sipping her coffee. Alison Jenkins-Nguyen. Gotham Equality Center. Got it.

She wouldn’t admit it, but the thought made her excited. She was finally figuring out what was _wrong_ with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After reading comics and seeing how shitty Gotham is, I felt like being LGBT and homeless in Gotham would be the absolute worst thing ever. If being homeless in Gotham already sucks, then it should be even harder for LGBT people. Because of this, I think it'd be really hard to find good trans health care in Gotham unless you know who to ask.  
> As always, tell me what you think!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Jay's "trans awakening," her night becomes far more complicated. As if finding out she's trans wasn't enough for one night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, but this chapter turned out to be MASSIVE! (at least for me) I hope y'all enjoy it!

When they got to Ieyonna’s apartment, Reagan attempted to leave.

Inching away from Jay and Ieyonna, he said, “Well, I had an interesting night with you two, but I’ll be on my-“ Jay grabbed his arm before he could move away any further.

“You’re staying with me, kid.” She wanted to offer Reagan a place at one of her safehouses, but she needed to check on Ieyonna first.

Reagan began slapping at Jay’s arm. Due to her leather jacket and armor upgrades, she barely felt it at all.

“Come on! I already agreed to eat at _Red Robin_ with you and Ieyonna! Now let me go, pussy!”

“No.” Roughly releasing Reagan’s arm, she pointed at the curb. “Sit.”

The kid muttered insults under his breath and stomped over to the curb, sitting and stewing in aggravation.

“Is this your apartment?” Jay asked Ieyonna, looking at the plain apartment complex. It was admittedly nicer than Jay’s shitty apartment, that’s for sure.

“Yep! Thanks for walking me home, Hood! Bye, Reagan!” As Ieyonna made her way up the stairs, the lobby doors opened, and a man walked out.

Jay saw Ieyonna immediately freeze.

A suave voice called out over the night. “What’re you doin’ out so late, sweetheart? Thought you said you’d be back by 10. Tonight’s not a fast night, babe.” The man seemed to notice Red Hood, and his voice turned harder. “What’s _he_ doin’ here?”

 _He_. Jay made an aborted cringing motion. The man seemed to take it for something else. He stepped close to Jay, putting Ieyonna behind him.

“Clarence-“

 _Clarence_ shushed Ieyonna and faced Jay, still talking in that charming voice. But Jay could hear the hint of aggression behind the voice. “You want somethin’, man?”

Jay got enough information for tonight.

“No. Just making sure she got home safe. She’ll need ice for those bruises she got from that John.”

Trying to make eye contact with Ieyonna, she said, “Good night, Ieyonna.”

She turned around and hauled Reagan onto his feet by his collar, dragging him to the alleyway next to the apartment complex.

“You _hag_ , what’re you-“ Jay clamped a hand over Reagan’s mouth and strained to hear Clarence and Ieyonna.

“What was that, babe?” Clarence asked smoothly, the smallest hint of possessiveness in his voice.

“Nothin’, hon…but I thought you said you’d _protect_ me,” Ieyonna whined.

“You let yourself get hurt out there…but I won’t let it happen again, if that makes you feel better. You _know_ I care for your safety. Now let’s head inside, babe.”

“Okay.” Ieyonna sounded content, probably cuddling into Clarence after he slung an arm around her. Jay heard the lobby doors close shut, and she let go of Reagan.

Yeah, definitely a pimp. They always sound slick like that, silently commanding the girls’ lives. That’s how they get into these girls’ lives. They swoop in, offering whatever these girls wanted and promising to keep them safe. The girls end up trusting these pimps with every aspect of their lives, as if they were the husband or father figure they need to complete their missing family. It was disgusting how they do it, preying on girls’ vulnerabilities. Jay needed to get Ieyonna out of there after she convinced the prostitute her ‘boyfriend’ was a pimp.

Reagan spat on the ground and wiped his mouth of the grit and gunpowder ever present on her gloves. “What’s that for?”

Jay really didn’t want to explain what was happening to Ieyonna, so she settled for, “Nothing, kid.”

He didn’t look like he was buying it, so she decided to turn her attention on him. “Now where do _you_ live?”

Reagan shrugged and vaguely motioned around them. “You know, around.”

So, nowhere to go. Got it.

She pressed on. “Do you really have no place to go?”

The kid crossed his arms. “What’s it to you? Why do you care?”

“Because I have a place you can stay at. It has heat, air conditioning, water, and electricity,” she said, listing it off on her fingers. “Most important, though, is a _nice_ bed for you to sleep in.” Jay tried to make the place sound really enticing. It worked for Sam. It _might_ work for Reagan, but the kid was as unpredictable as a firecracker, so she didn’t really know.

Reagan wasn’t having any of it. “No, thanks. Already tried that Mary Wayne shelter and got constantly misgendered and beat up for using the boy’s bathroom. And when I tried to use the girl’s bathroom, I got beat up too.”

It’s _Martha_ Wayne, but whatever.

“It’s not another homeless shelter. These are safehouses I made for people who _need_ it, like LGBT homeless people or kids leaving shitty parents who won’t let them go. These shelters _aren’t_ for the public to _waltz_ in and use.”

Reagan silently appraised her. “Show me the place first, then we’ll talk.”

As they started walking, side by side, she asked dubiously, “You’re trusting me, just like that?”

Reagan shrugged. “Considering you had your _trans awakening_ a couple hours ago, and you seem to wanna help Ieyonna leave _buttchin_ over there, I’ll take my chances with you than the streets tonight.”

Kid’s got a point there.

.....

“Okay, lemme say this loud and clear: I ain’t gonna take care of a buncha four-year-olds if I’m staying here tonight.”

“I’m five!” Sam exclaimed, pouting at Reagan from behind Jay’s skirt. Jay had yet to find any Samantha’s registered as missing, but she was trying her best.

“I’m six! I ain’t need _no one_! Been takin’ care of myself since eva’!” Julio declared, hands on his hips.  After doing some digging, Jay found out Julio came from an upper middle-class foster family who registered him as missing _months_ after he ran away. She wasn’t going to let him go back to that neglectful family, even if they had all the money and food he’d ever need. That’s not what Julio really needed.

Carl scratched his head. “I’m four…but I don’t want a nanny!” he finished, running to hide behind Jay’s left leg. It broke her heart to hear that. She found him wandering the streets in clothes that smelled like dried urine, and she had suspected he was left far too long in a closet as punishment by his either his family or his nanny. When she gave him a tour of the warehouse and opened the closet to show him the makeshift pantry, Carl was _terrified_.

“Oh yeah, little turds? I ain’t afraid to hit a _kid_ ,” Reagan blew up. But wasn’t Reagan also a kid? Jay felt a headache coming. This trans kid with the biggest potty mouth in the history of _both_ her lives was going to be the death of her.

She decided to shut this down before a pillow fight or some shit started between Reagan and the kids. She didn’t want to already repair this safehouse because Reagan was being a _firecracker_ again.

“Alright, alright. No one’s taking care of anyone, got it? Everyone’s just staying here for the night,” she turned to the three children, “or as _long_ as they like.”

Sam hugged her right thigh, tucking and hiding herself underneath Jay’s skirt. “Okay,” she said, muffled but contentedly.

A smirk on his face, Julio crossed his arms and nodded in approval. “Sounds fine by me.”

Carl clutched onto her skirt with both of his tiny hands and pressed himself against the side of her leg. She felt him nod against her thigh.

“Now, kids, can you let go so I can show Reagan around?”

Speaking in unison, Sam and Carl declared, “No!” They both clutched tighter to her legs. Jay retracted her statement from earlier. _All_ these kids were going to be the death of her.

She tried to figure out what to do with two kids clinging onto her legs. She really needed to show Reagan around so she can finish up patrol and head home for the night. Tonight was mentally exhausting, and she wanted nothing more than to sleep well until tomorrow afternoon.

Looking at how the youngest kids were positioned on her legs, Jay had an idea. Here goes nothing.

When she easily took one step forward, Carl squealed in delight. Well, it worked, so Jay’s not complaining. She ignored Reagan’s judgmental glare as she walked around the warehouse with him and the children. Because she wanted to get home ASAP, she only showed the notable rooms. Knowing Reagan, he’ll probably leave by morning anyways.

“Is this for real?” Reagan asked, staring in awe at the gender-neutral, full bathroom.

This warehouse was mainly for Crime Alley kids, so she didn’t invest in making more gender-neutral bathrooms. She intended for the abandoned apartment complex in Old Gotham to house prostitutes and homeless LGBT people. When it was fully functioning, she wanted to offer Reagan his own room.

“Yeah. Why? You need to take a shower? I can get you some clean clothes-“

“No, no. Just-uh, wow. Erm, thanks…I knew I wouldn’t have a problem using the bathroom here ‘cause of the kids, but I’ve never seen a single shelter have a bathroom I could use.”

“No problem, kid.” Jay couldn’t hide the grin from her face, but it’s not like he could see it behind her helmet.

“…but yeah I’d like some clean clothes.”

“And there it is.” Leave it to Reagan to ruin a tender moment-

**BOOM!**

The warehouse shook, and the kids screamed.

“Hood! What was that?” Sam asked, muffled behind the skirt, clutching to her leg even tighter.

The explosion didn’t seem to target the warehouse, but it must’ve been _awfully_ close. Nevertheless, they needed to get to the safe room while she surveyed the explosion. There was a big Arkham breakout last week, and Jay had a gut feeling it was either Bane, Poison Ivy, or Scarecrow.

She almost started moving to the basement before she snapped, “Where’s Julio?”

“On it!” Reagan turned and vaulted over a crate, dashing off to find Julio. Jay took the next minute coaxing Sam and Carl into her arms so she could use her legs better. She ended up with Sam clinging onto her back while she held Carl close to her chest. She could use her legs now, so she wasn’t complaining.

She ran in the direction Reagan bolted off to, and just as she turned a corner, she nearly crashed into Reagan and Julio.

“I have him!” Reagan yelled, keeping his hand tight around Julio’s wrist.

“Okay, follow me!” Jay started running to the stairs. On her way there, her helmet updated her on who was wreaking havoc. Really? These guys? _Why_?

“Where we goin’?” Julio asked.

“The safe room! It’s in the basement!” she called out behind her.

When they reached the stairwell, she kicked in the door and then vaulted over the railing, landing with a muted thud on the basement floor. As she plucked Sam and Carl off her, she looked up and saw Reagan and Julio clambering down the stairs.

“You show off!”

“Really, Reagan?! _That’s_ what you’re focusing on right now?”

Jay opened the door to the basement level and commanded, “All of you! In the first safe room! It’s the only one functioning!” She grabbed Reagan’s shoulder and ordered, “Watch them. Keep them safe.”

As Reagan ushered the kids in the door, he turned to her. “What about you?”

She pulled out her left pistol and clicked the safety off. “I think I’m gonna break someone’s _back_ tonight. Maybe scare a _scarecrow_ on the way.”

.....

When they reached the first room, Reagan pushed the children inside and shut the door behind him. Gasping from all the running and his constricting binder, he slumped against the door, barely remembering to pull the large handle and lock the door.

“Are you okay?” Sam asked.

After several deep breaths, he wheezed out, “Y-yeah.” Craning his head up, he looked around.

Huh, it seemed like the gigantic handle sealed the door and made the panic room air-tight. On the right side of the room, there was a shelf filled with water bottles, nonperishable food, a paper towel roll, a roll of toilet paper, a first-aid kit, a shakable flashlight, and a radio. A long, wooden bench spanned the entire left wall, and in the corner sat a bucket. Judging by the slight hum, the overhead lights were powered by a generator.

Wow, Red Hood thought of _everything_ when she made this safehouse. Who would’ve thought to put a _panic room_ for when the new villain flavor of the week shat all over Gotham? And not only one, but an entire _floor_ of panic rooms?

Julio sat in the middle of the bench while Carl shook and wept in his arms, pleading something about his nanny. Sam sat quietly next to Julio and pet Carl’s head gently. The kids seemed to have it somewhat together. Good. Reagan’s _shit_ with children, and he’d have no idea what to do if one of these kids cried to him about something. He always preferred elderly people, having volunteered at his local nursing home back in Nebraska.

Reagan allowed himself to slump against the door and let the nostalgic pang tighten his heart. Closing his eyes, he allowed the soft generator hum to calm his rapidly beating heart. Man, running with his makeshift binder always sucked ass.

When he recovered and could _breathe_ again, he got up and turned the radio on, settling in for the night. Knowing Gotham, it’ll be a _long_ night.

.....

Only _two_ buildings away from the abandoned warehouse, Jay was furiously disarming a huge bomb. Tonight’s villain flavor was a mix of Bane and Scarecrow. What an interesting combination.

Judging from the carnage, the fear gas was released not long before the bomb went off, and the explosion appeared to only add to the mass hysteria going on in the streets. She knew the area well. If this bomb went off, it’d destroy the building she was on and the buildings around it, and _dozens_ of kids living in the back alleys of the neighborhood would not have a home to return to.

She spared a glance through the glass wall again, checking on the Batclan’s progress. They were already here when she entered the fray, but she had quickly located the bomb inconspicuously hidden on the office building’s top floor. Down in the streets, Batgirl, Nightwing, and Robin were controlling the chaos. Black Bat and Red Robin were holding off Bane, and Batman was busy fighting Scarecrow, probably trying to get the antidote.

As she turned back to her work, she gave a sigh of frustration. Damn, Bane was _really_ good with explosives. He must be a complete genius if her expert explosive skills weren’t enough. It was taking her far longer than she projected to diffuse the bomb, and she was worried it would come off at any moment. It was remote-controlled and could blow in less than five seconds after activated, so she had no idea when Bane would use it. If he did, she’d be burnt toast.

Several minutes passed by, and Jay was _almost there_ when she heard a crash through the glass wall. Suddenly, she felt herself fly across the room as her breath escaped her lungs.

It took her a second to realize that Batman had burst through the window and kicked her across the room.

When she hopped onto her feet, she barely had a moment to react before Bruce was attacking her. She dodged the punch and saw the glint of a small glass tube against his chest. He was injected with Scarecrow’s fear toxin.

Well, that’s not good.

As she kept dodging batarangs and blocking hits, Bruce yelled out, “Hood! Diffuse your bomb and stop your bloodthirsty rampage! Stop _killing_ people because you’re angry at me!”

_What._

For a split second, Jay was distracted, but that was all Bruce needed. He grabbed her by her throat and slammed her into the nearest wall so hard she broke _through_ it. Batman then kicked her in the chest so she was spat ungracefully in the room.

Picking herself off the floor, Jay grit her teeth. The anger coursed through her, and she heard the tempting chant of the Pit become her mantra. _Enough of this. He wants a fight? She’ll give him one._

Pulling out her pistols, she put them together and started rapidly shooting at Batman with her rifle, hitting most of the chinks in his armor. As the Dark Knight charged forward, he used his cape to block the rest of the bullets. She went back to using her pistols when he got in close quarters again. They exchanged blow after blow, and eventually Jay stuck her pistols in two weak areas of Batman’s suit and shot several times.

At the same time, Batman pulled out two batarangs and stuck them hard into two weak spots on her suit. She hissed at the sting of batarangs being lodged into her gut and side. Putting her pistols together again, she shot at the Bat symbol on his chest, the most reinforced place on Batman’s suit. The force from being shot at point-blank made Batman stumble back, and Jay aimed a well-timed kick in his gut, sending him further away. This gave her enough time to chuck a _real_ grenade at him and run to the hole in the wall. As she dove through the hole, she spared an upside-down glance at Batman and saw him shield himself with his cape. The grenade touched his shoulder and went off, its blast throwing him out the window behind him.

Weakly pulling the batarangs out and barely squeezing on her wounds, she dashed back to the bomb and went back to work. Just as she picked up her tools again, she heard a whistle through the air and caught the birdarang in her hand. It beeped once, and she quickly tossed it away before it could blast her hand off.

Robin swung into the room, his boots crunching on the glass shards as he landed.

“You disgraced my Father!” Damian went into a fighting stance holding two birdarangs. “And you’ll _pay_ for hurting Nightwing!”

Would anyone just let her disarm the damn bomb _first_? Then, she’d be free to _tango_.

She put her hands up. “Look, kid. Let me disarm Bane’s bomb first before-“

**Beep. Beep. Beep.**

_Shit_. Bane just activated the bomb.

“DAMIAN! GET OUT OF HERE!” Jay shrieked.

Just as she saw Robin’s eyes widen, the beeping quickened, and she knew they both wouldn’t make it out in time. Making a split-second decision, she ran towards Damian as fast as she could. She leapt in the air and planted both of her feet square in his chest, dropkicking him so hard he soared across the street and landed painfully on a building’s fire escape. Oof. That had to break _something_. Guess she _did_ break someone’s back tonight.

As the beeping became a siren sound in her ears, she curled into a ball just as the explosion went off, its fiery eruption propelling her body off the top floor, and she plummeted towards the ground. Through her disorientation, she tried to grab her grapple and shoot it off across the street, but her line didn’t go taut. The building she was trying to get on was now engulfed in flames and its structural integrity was crumbling. With the ground growing closer and closer, Jay spat multiple curses. She couldn’t believe the end for her was _falling_ from an _explosion_. Well, she shouldn’t be too picky. Her first death was from a _crowbar_ and then an _explosion_. What’s with her and damn _explosions_?

Fate seemed to hear her indignation. Suddenly, the wind was knocked out of her. An arm slithered around her torso, and she felt herself glide towards the ground. Lightheaded from the blood loss and the subsequent explosion, she let herself be cradled gently in a warm lap. Jay saw Black Bat’s fuzzy outline, and she mentally cursed.

She knew she couldn’t fight off _Cassandra_ , at least not in her current physical state. Cassandra was going to take her in to Bruce, and then she’d be thrown into Arkham or Blackgate. She’d prefer Blackgate. Joker was in Arkham now, and she _knew_ she’d try to kill the bastard if she was within a certain radius of him. What radius was that? She still didn’t know.

A thought came across her mind. But what about the kids? She couldn’t leave them to fend for themselves. They were counting on her to come back and mother-hen them around like she always did. Probably not Reagan, though, even though she _did_ babysit him all the time.

Blearily facing Cassandra, Jay tried to make eye contact with the black-masked vigilante. It was getting increasingly hard as her vision swam.

“Let me…go. Not…not…looking for…trouble,” she desperately coughed out. When did it get so hard to talk? To _breathe_?

Black Bat tilted her head at Jay. The next thing she knew, Cassandra was helping her stand up against the alley wall. As Jay started limping away, leaning heavily on the wall, she turned back and saw Black Bat stare at her for a moment longer before fading away into the night shadows. Breathing a sigh of relief, Jay headed to the abandoned warehouse.

She needed to see her kids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see, I'm starting to show how well Jay has a grasp on what the people of Gotham need. As an engineering student and by default a design nerd, you will be seeing more things in this fic showcasing good design. I'm a dumbass thot for good design.  
> Please leave a kudos or a comment! It really helps me as a growing writer! (and it makes me super happy)


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jay makes sure her kids are safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> S/o to my sister for calling me because she "can't press the 'Next Chapter' button!"  
> Also, "Excuse me, ahem, I need to complain to you because I can't press it. Perks of knowing the writer."

Jay was never gladder her physique was enhanced by the Lazarus Pit. She was lucky to get away from that explosion with only major burns, cuts, bruises, and ruptured ear drums. Hopefully the Lazarus will kick in and heal her faster. She didn’t like limping in pain everywhere.

Lethargically patching herself with a med-kit, Jay stepped through the rubble. Repressing a shudder, the cool night breeze seeped through the singed holes in her leather jacket and chilled the burns on her skin. Her boots crunched over debris, and she continually stumbled over her legs. Why was it so hard to walk straight?

“Armstrong? Armstrong! Quick, help get this off me! They’re coming!” a voice called out, muffled through her ruptured eardrums. It hurt to hear anything louder than a whisper, but as long as she could hear, she could deal with the pain. She was used to pain.

It took her a few seconds to recognize the voice, and Jay immediately picked up her pace and squinted through thick fog of fear gas. She spotted Ian, the local homeless paraplegic, desperately trying to push debris off himself.

Ian cried, “Please, hurry! I don’t-I don’t think I can feel my legs anymore!”

Staggering to his side and helping Ian, she stayed silent. She knew he was reliving the mission he lost his legs for. Jay met the veteran when the local street rats introduced her to him. They _adored_ him because he knew the best times to go to soup kitchens and shelters, usually dragging the kids along with him. When the apartment complex was renovated, Jay was going to offer Ian his own room.

For now, she pulled the last bit of the debris off Ian and hauled him over her shoulder. His weight was a heavy burden on her battered body, but no person was ever a burden unworthy of her help. She clenched her teeth harder and took a step forward, ignoring the pain shooting through her entire body.

“Thanks, Armstrong. I owe my life to you, brother.” The reserved man spoke very little of his prior homeless life to her, but she knew Armstrong hauled Ian onto the pararescue helicopter but was shot dead before he could get in. Making up her mind, she decided to indulge the rugged veteran.

“No…no problem…brother. Pararescue’s on the…on the way,” she barely coughed out, wincing at the pain in her throat and ears.

“We’ll make it, man. And you’ll see your wife and kids again.”

Mustering up the last of her resolve, Jay continued her grueling trek to the warehouse.

.....

When they got to the warehouse, Jay unceremoniously dumped Ian on the floor. She didn’t feel too bad because he only suffered minor scrapes and bruises. She threw her helmet off and retched blood onto the floor, barely trying to _not_ spray Ian with her blood. Fighting for air, she made her way to the stairwell. She opened the door and started limping down the stairs. Halfway down the stairs, Jay heard a voice muffled behind the basement door.

“Shit! Why’s this thing so fucking heavy?!”

_Reagan?!_

The kid’s outburst caught Jay by surprise, and she fell down the rest of the stairs. Ow. Weak from tonight’s injuries, she felt like she couldn’t get up.

Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up! Oh wow. She’s getting _old_ if she was seriously considering getting herself _Life Alert_.

“Motherfucker! I’m gonna kill god and make him suck my left nutsack for pulling this shit on me! I didn’t go to a fucking shitty all-girls Catholic school to have him shit all over my asscrack like this!”

Jay heavily sighed and laboriously picked herself up. She had to make it to the safe rooms, if only to reprimand Reagan on his _colorful_ swearing. He was within hearing distance of the kids, and her children shouldn’t hear his vulgar language at such a young age, even though they realistically already heard it on the streets.

But wooow. When did she become so much like a _mom_?

When she cracked open the basement door, she saw Reagan desperately trying to push debris away from the first safe room. Reagan whipped his head at her, and she saw him wearing the gas mask she left in one of the warehouse rooms still being renovated.

Voice muffled behind the gas mask, Reagan called out, “Hood! Get your ass over here! Help me move this thing!”

At Reagan’s words, Julio, Sam, and Carl start banging on the door, calling out for Red Hood to help them get out. She stumbled through the stairwell door and made her way to Reagan.

“What’re you doing…out here?! I thought,” Jay hacked up more blood onto the ground, but then she continued, “I thought I…told you…to…keep them safe! And…don’t swear in front…front of the…kids!” she reprimanded through her burning lungs, clutching tightly onto one of her batarang wounds. Shit, the blood was gushing out now.

Still pushing on the ventilation shaft, Reagan retorted, “I know, I know, but who’s keeping _them_ safe?!” He stuck a chin at one of the open safe rooms, and she finally noticed some of the Crime Alley kids laying and twitching on the floor, presumably coming down from the fear gas.

Reagan continued before Jay could ask about the new kids. “Now, I know you’re dying over there, but pull yourself together and help me move this fucking vent, asshelmet! They need you!” The kids banged on the door harder, sounding terrified at the thought of being stuck in the safe room. Especially Carl. Carl’s crying became louder as she got closer, and she could hear him call out for the nanny to let him out. She will _kill_ that bitch when she found out who Carl’s nanny was.

Jay finally reached the debris, and after several pushes, she and Reagan were able to move the vent enough to crack open the door, allowing the children to squeeze out. Relieved, they immediately tackled her, and she fell ungracefully onto the floor. The pain was almost unbearable for her now, and the blood loss was almost terrifying. She wasn’t like the Batclan who had blood bags and Alfred’s medical expertise on the ready.

Pushing the kids back and turning her head away, she sprayed the floor with what felt like her lungs. Shit. That’s a lot of blood.

“Hey, munchkins! Get off her! She’s hurt!” Reagan ordered. The children scrambled away and watched as Reagan dug through her skirt and found a med-kit, starting to administer first-aid. Her vision swam, and she heard a faint voice.

“Hood! You pussy! Stay awake for me!”

Stay awake? Alright, she could do that.

Her eyes closed.

.....

Jay’s eyes fluttered open. Holding her head in pain, she winced as she sat up. She had a _splitting_ headache, but that was nothing new to her vigilante activities.

“You’re awake!” Sam hopped onto the cot and wrapped her arms around Jay’s neck. Jay instinctively put her arms around Sam.

Her throat was parched, and she spotted a water bottle placed next to the bed. Snatching it up, she tried to take a swallow but ended up coughing a bit. She expected to see blood fly from her mouth but was pleasantly surprised when that _didn’t_ happen. Maybe she could use her voice without risking throwing up her guts and blood.

“What happened?” she croaked out. Jay cringed from how painful it was to her throat. It didn’t hurt her ears as much, so she’ll take it.

“You slept for a while, but now you’re awake!” Jay tried to ignore Sam moving around to play with her longer hair.

As Sam started braiding a portion of her chin-length hair, she looked around the room and found herself on what was supposed to be Reagan’s cot. Tossing the blanket away from her body, she sighed at the dried blood caking her suit and body. Looks like she’ll have to get Reagan a new bed and then spend hours cleaning her suit. Blood was a _bitch_ to get out.

Speak of the devil, Reagan suddenly stomped in.

“You _fuckwad_ , all passing out on me and shit.”

Jay rolled her eyes. The movement threatened to peel her red domino off, but it was holding for now.

“So, what happened?” Jay was able to get out, sipping on the water bottle.

Reagan shrugged. “You were dying and bleeding all over the floor, so I just did some first-aid on you. Kinda stuck a bandaid on everything and hoped you’d live.”

Something wasn’t adding up.

“But…the blood loss?” Surely, she would’ve died from _that_.

The kid shrugged again, but his face had a pinched expression. “Uh, I did a blood transfusion.” He pointed to his elbow, and Jay’s mouth dropped to the floor and she winced. Ouch. That hurt her throat.

But _where_ did the kid learn how to do that?

Reagan timidly crossed his arms and explained. “I’ve got O- blood…and the school I went to, from before, had everyone get first-aid certifications, then I learned more medical shit at this nursing home I used to volunteer at all the time.”

Wow. Firecracker was full of surprises. Jay didn’t think Reagan was the type to know how to nurse someone back to health, much less offer his own blood to someone else.

“What about…about those new kids?”

He sheepishly scratched his head. “Well, the radio said there was another bomb in the area, and I knew a lot of kids were still out there. So, uh, I looked around and found this face mask,” he pointed at the gas mask hanging around his neck, “and went out to find them. Picked up about fifteen of them. I…I couldn’t get them all, Hood.”

Reagan’s eyes watered, unshed tears threatening to fall. “I’m so sorry. I-I just went outside to check the area, and-and-“ Reagan choked on his words. Sam hopped out of the cot to hug him.

“Hey, hey, you did…you did well, kid.” Jay heaved herself into a sitting position facing Reagan, putting her hand on his shoulder. “You did what you…could.” She broke away to weakly cough into her arm. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Reagan send Sam away.

Turning back to her, concern immediately filled Reagan’s eyes. “You shouldn’t be up-“

Ignoring the pain radiating from every part on her body, Jay stood up and shushed him with a glare. “I need to…get home. Got more medical…supplies there.”

He nodded, but before Reagan could turn away, Jay grabbed him by his shoulder again.

“Watch these kids…I know you…you can. I’ll be back, soon.” Reagan reached up and squeezed her hand.

“You better, asshelmet. You ain’t leaving me to take care of all _your_ kids,” he pouted, lacking any of the venom usually in his insults.

Jay weakly smiled at him. Reagan continued to surprise him, and he showed a lot of promise. She knew he could do good if he was given the chance. An idea began forming in her mind.

.....

The next day, Jay spent the entire day sleeping in bed. Her body hurt all over, but when it was time for patrol, Jay dragged herself out of bed. She put on her spare suit and decided to only check on the kids at the warehouse. Putting supplies in a duffel bag, she slung it over her better shoulder, and she strapped a lightweight, collapsible wheelchair onto her back. She hadn’t completely renovated the warehouse, so she knew it was overcrowded now. Jay knew she _should_ take tonight and probably the next few nights off, but she had to make sure everyone was taken care of first.

Hopping out her window and onto the fire escape, she made her way down to the ground and started to walk towards the warehouse. With her injuries, she didn’t trust herself to run across rooftops tonight. After trudging through rubble for a couple blocks, Jay felt a presence watching her from the rooftops.

Halting, she shouted, “Oi! Stalker boy! Yeah, call me petty, but I’ll drag you forever for stalking me when you were _ten_! Now get down here, you loner!”

At her words, Red Robin leapt in the air, flipping several times as he descended, before landing on top of a pile of debris. When the pile shifted, he yelped and quickly hopped off. What a dork.

“Hey, no need to put me on blast,” he joked, a playful smile on his face.

“I can, but then your civilian self would be cancelled faster than Batman revoking Green Lantern’s Watchtower access. Anyways, what are you doing here?”

Tim’s face suddenly turned serious. “I wanted to update you on what happened since last night. I’m on Bane’s and Scarecrow’s case now, until Batman’s healed. Batman and I made an antidote to this new strain of fear gas. And Scarecrow’s in Arkham now, but Bane’s still on the loose. I questioned Scarecrow…and he said Bane made him a deal.”

“What deal?”

“He wouldn’t elaborate, started rambling about Batman’s fears. You know, the usual. But after reviewing everyone’s report last night, I think I know what Bane’s plan was.”

“Go on,” Jay urged, crossing her arms.

“I think Bane noticed how everyone’s patrol routes changed after your…resurgence here in Gotham. To get Scarecrow to work with him, he must’ve promised that Batman feared _you_.”

Jay burst out laughing. It burned her throat and lungs, but she couldn’t stop herself.

“That’s hilarious! Oh, that was a good joke, Red! Batman? Scared of me? Oh, you can’t see it, but it’s bringing tears to my eyes!”

Tim placed his hands on his hips. “Hood. I’m serious. Batman’s at least… _nervous_ of you.”

A couple moments later, Jay finally calmed her laughing down. “Why’s he ‘nervous’ of me? In the past six months, I’ve seen him twice, and both times he’s nearly beaten me to death. I’m lucky last night he didn’t _break_ anything.”

Tim sighed. “You two have…issues that need to be worked out,” he raised a hand as Jay started protesting, “but I’m not here to talk about that. _Back_ to Bane’s plan, I speculate he was using Batman’s fear of you as a distraction. That’s why the bomb was placed in Crime Alley. He _knew_ you would find that bomb and try to diffuse it. He unleashed Batman on you and left.”

Jay mentally berated herself. “Of course. And it _worked_. Bane’s _still_ at large.” Bane broke out of Blackgate months ago. Jay assumed he was lying low, but now she knew he was strategizing during that time.

The winged vigilante pressed his lips into a thin line and grimly nodded.

“I ran my idea by Batman, and he thought it was plausible. He called off his contingency plan against you. We’re supposed to treat everything normally, until his next orders at least.” Tim hesitated before saying, “I think he’s going to try and talk to you”

Snorting, Jay exclaimed, “Yeah, right. Over my twice dead body.”

In all honesty, she was being realistic about her relationship with Bruce. Nearly every conversation they had since her resurrection ended with one or both parties hurt. She wasn’t going to risk getting injured again. She had people to look after, children who needed her.

Gotham needed Batman, but Gotham’s outcasts needed Red Hood.

Tim shook his head. “I don’t think you’ll have a choice, but…I think he’s giving you a _chance_.”

She immediately shook her head. “I won’t take it. I have better things to do than be a part of _Batman Incorporated_ ,” she spat out, crossing her arms. Yes, she still fought crime as Red Hood, but after meeting Gotham’s outcasts, she now also fought against the system that failed them. It was harder than punching criminals every night, but it was worth the fight. These people were worth it.

“Well, at least I warned you ahead of time. You know Batman will hunt you down once he’s out of bed, right?”

“Yeah, yeah. I know.” Jay sighed in frustration. Couldn’t she get a break?

Tim suddenly looked shy. “So, uh, are you doing anything big? Since I’m going to find Bane, would you like to work with me? If we work fast, we can throw Bane into Blackgate before Batman’s out of bed.”

Jay didn’t hesitate. “Fuck, yes. I’m gonna strap him next to a bomb to see how _he_ feels.”

“Honestly? After what he pulled in Crime Alley? I want a front-row ticket to that.”

She balked at him. “Since when did you get so _rebellious_ , Replacement?”

Jay knew Tim changed drastically after he became Red Robin, went rogue for months, and found Bruce when everyone thought he was dead. When he returned to Gotham, he came back… _harsher_ and more… _efficient_. It was like he finally grew up – he didn’t play any games anymore. He was a far better fighter now, and she knew that when Tim had his bostaff in his hands, he was on par with her fast and brutal fighting style.

Tim shrugged and ignored her question. “So are you doing anything tonight? I was thinking we could patrol together now that I’m free to go wherever I want. Technically, I don’t even have an official patrol route to follow. I should be with the Titans, but Batman called me back for the contingency plan.”

“Well, I’m not really patrolling-“

Jay had a thought. Could she trust Tim?

“Actually, I’m heading somewhere right now. After tonight, I can’t go there while I recover. Could you watch over the place for me?”

Tim shrugged. “Depends on the place. Could probably swoop by while on my _makeshift_ patrol route.”

“You know you’re not getting much of a choice, right?” Jay threw the duffel bag into his arms and started leading the way.

Slinging the bag around his shoulder, Tim sighed in frustration. “I know.”

.....

Looking at the abandoned warehouse, Tim asked, “Why’d you make a shelter? You know Wayne Enterprises funds many shelters across the city?”

“That’s the point. Those shelters help _most_ people, but they tend to ignore marginalized groups who can’t use them. I’m trying to change that.”

Tim remained silent as they entered the warehouse, plopping the large duffel bag onto one of the crates.

“Hood! Hood! Hood!” some of the kids squealed, trying to tackle-hug her. She felt stronger tonight so she didn’t fall over.

“Hey, kids. Let me give this to Ian first. Where is he?” Jay set the wheelchair down and unfolded it. Julio immediately hopped into the seat and pointed in the direction of the room he shared with Sam, Carl, and Reagan.

“Ey, he’s layin’ on my bed! Let’s go! NOW CHAAAAAAAAARGE, HORSIE!”

Jay pulled Julio’s blue jacket hood over his eyes. “ _Not_ happening, squirt.”

She wheeled the chair and a giggling Julio towards Ian, leaving Red Robin to deal with the Crime Alley kids trying to play with him. Or steal his utility belt. Or both.

“You didn’t have to do that for me, Red Hood!” Ian exclaimed from the bed when she showed him the new wheelchair. Julio hopped off the wheelchair and dashed back to the central area, probably to bug Red Robin.

Shaking her head, she insisted, “I _wanted_ to. Besides, the kids want to play basketball with you.”

“You know between me and them, they’re winning 10-3, right?”

Jay crossed her arms at him and rolled her eyes. “And you know between _us_ you’re winning 8-0.”

Ian smirked. “You’re right. Alright, help me in, good sir.” _Sir_. Jay hid her cringe and started helping him in the wheelchair. Reagan appeared out of nowhere and helped her. Apparently, Reagan must’ve been a damn good volunteer at the nursing home he mentioned because the kid checked up on Ian every few hours and knew how to use a catheter. He also stole a new catheter for Ian to use. Firecracker was _still_ surprising her.

When Ian wheeled himself ahead to find the kids, she turned to Reagan. “How are you doing, kiddo?”

The response was immediate. “I’m almost thirteen, dipshit.”

Jay ruffled his hair, ignoring Reagan’s protests. “Whatever, Firecracker. How are the kids treating you?” They started walking to the central area where mostly everyone was at.

Like the firecracker he was, Reagan blew up on her. “Absolutely _terrible_! I ain’t never had to take care of anyone younger than me before! How do you do this?”

She took a guess about Reagan. “Only child?”

Reagan looked offended. “How’d you know?”

Jay chuckled. “You’re looking at one too, well, until I got older. But you think I have any idea what I’m doing when I’m with these kids?”

“You _hag_! No wonder why you made me take care of them!” Reagan tried to attack her, but she easily swatted him away. She grabbed his shoulders and pushed him through the doors, spitting him into the main area.

“Yeah, yeah, kid. Anyways, I won’t be here for a while, recovery and all that jazz. I’m sending Red Robin over there,” pointing to where Tim was playfully flipping onto crates while the kids tried to catch him, “to check up on everyone.”

“Is he an only child too? No need to have _two_ useless babysitters.”

“…he was an only child until he was about thirteen?”

Reagan looked offended again. “I was _joking_ , but damn you, Bucket Head!” Laughing, Jay swiped away Reagan’s punch.

“Lemme guess, she’s the most mature kid here?” Tim asked, approaching the two.

Fuck.

Jay could literally see the moment the fuse ran out and the firecracker blew.

“I dare you to call me ‘she’ again, bitch!”

Reagan immediately pounced onto Tim and tried to gouge his eyes out. Jay barely had enough time to grab him and pin him against her chest.

“Ignore him, Red. Reagan’s just being a firecracker right now.”

He struggled harder in her arms. “I’m not a _firecracker_! But I’ll shove a firecracker up his _ass_! Now put me down, fuckface!”

Tim slapped a hand over his mouth, trying to contain his laughter. “I thought you were kidding about ‘firecracker kid’!” The vigilante pulled himself together. “Anyways, I’m sorry, Reagan. I didn’t know you were the firecracker Hoot’s been talking about.”

Jay unleashed Reagan upon Tim.

“Hey, hey! Hood?! What’s that for?” Tim was easily deflecting Reagan’s strikes, but the kid was _vicious_ and proved to be a little bit of challenge.

She crossed her arms. “You called me ‘Hoot.’” She didn’t even try to _not_ sound miffed.

After finally getting Reagan off Tim, Jay turned her attention on the children gathered in the central area of the warehouse. The image of children playing around and _settling_ into her safehouse was quickly becoming one of her favorite memories. Her project was _working_. Sure, she needed to implement a sustainable food source, but she’ll figure it out soon.

When it was time for them to go, the vigilantes said their farewells for the night. Walking together, Jay and Tim left the warehouse. She started heading back to her apartment. Jay was in a _good_ mood.

“So, I was thinking we could have our first meeting of the Winged Cape Society! Maybe we should go somewhere and eat,” Tim suggested, arms behind his head.

“Where? _Red Robin_? Pfft, I’ll pass. Went there last night.”

“I have a better place in mind.”

They walked through several neighborhoods before Jay saw a few restaurants in the distance. When she read the restaurant signs, only one glared out at her, and she _knew_ where they were eating tonight. From Tim’s waggling eyebrows, he knew she saw the sign.

“Timbo, _no_.”

“Timbo, _yes_.”

.....

Her helmet resting on the table, Jay held her face in her hands.

“Why the _absolute fuck_ are we in _Hooters_?” she grit out, trying to avoid eye contact with the waitress. The Hooters Girl winked at Jay and Tim as she put two mugs of coffee on the table and then sauntered away. Her hips swayed side-to-side, and Jay felt a spike of jealousy curl within her. If she had hips like the waitress had, she would _rock_ her combat skirt. Right now, her narrow hips didn’t really do justice for her combat skirt, and the thought made her depressed.

“You should ask for her number. You _know_ she’d give it to you,” Tim suggested, waggling his eyebrows.

“That’s not-I’m not-uh,” Jay shook her head to clear her mind, “Just answer my damn question, Stalker boy.”

Crossing his fingers and putting them on the table, Tim smiled wickedly at Jay.

“I bought Red Robin and Hooters.”

“You bought Red Robin and Hooters.”

“As my vigilante self.”

“As your vigilante self.”

Groaning as loud as possible, Jay slammed her head on the table. Of course, the _dweeb_ would buy Red Robin and Hooters as Red Robin. Wait, was that even possible?

Tim suddenly shoved a phone in her face. “Look, I even have a BuzzFeed article now! I saved one of the reporters from a mugger, and we had an impromptu interview as I took her out to Red Robin!”

Blearily blinking her eyes from the bright phone screen, she read the title aloud.

“’ _12 Most Awkward Places to Run into Red Robin_.’” Jay snatched Tim’s phone and read the whole article, trying not to snort at a couple of them. Number one was eating dinner with Red Robin at Red Robin, and the reporter included her interview with Tim. Apparently, Red Robin owned most of the shares for Red Robin and Hooters now.

“This _has_ to be a lucid dream.” A thought crossed her mind. “Maybe Batman hit my head too hard.”

Tim put away his phone, happily smiling. Jay wanted to bitch slap the smile straight off his face. Where was Ieyonna when she needed her smacking expertise?

“It’s real, alright! Red Robin practically owns, well, Red Robin! And let me settle things down with Hooters and then I can give you ownership of its stocks.”

“ _What_.”

“Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you. I’ve decided as President of the Winged Cape Society, every member must own a restaurant brand close to their vigilante name, fitting the theme of winged birds, of course.” Tim waggled a finger at her. “And Bat-burger doesn’t count.”

Tim cleared his throat. “I’m owning Red Robin because I’m Red Robin, and you’ll own Hooters because you’re Red Hoot,” Tim finished, smirking at her.

Jay facepalmed herself. She didn’t kill Tim when she had the chance to, and now karma was being a _bitch_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my sis for helping me with the BuzzFeed article title. If you haven't seen it yet, I recommend you check out Buzzfeed of Gotham by alphaofallcats! https://archiveofourown.org/works/16584449/chapters/38865236  
> Ian in this chapter is also a reference to the Red Hood Fan Series by Ian Lang! Go check it out if you haven't! They also have a mini-series called "The Red Hood & Robin Show" where it's basically Jason and Damian being brothers! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq-0ZJeZQ99fS8CiF6nBlgg


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jay gets a doctor's visit and schedules an appointment with Alison.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woooooo these chapters are just getting longer and longer, don't they?

Jay regretted looking at the waitress longer than she should have. She knew the Hooters Girl mistook her staring for ‘desire to bed a body like hers’ instead of ‘desire to _have_ a body like hers.’ It was clear that Hooters Girl was trying to sleep with Jay tonight, but it was having the complete _opposite_ effect on her. As Hooters Girl flaunted her curvy hips and boobs, the anger and jealousy in Jay’s gut swirled.

Hooters Girl sat down _extremely_ close to Jay and held up her coffee pot. She asked Jay and Tim, “Would y’all like any more coffee?”

Jay couldn’t even think. She grinded her teeth and couldn’t take her attention off the luscious hips and boobs pressing against her side. A couple months ago, Jay wouldn’t have been bothered by such a pretty girl pressing herself against her. If anything, she probably would’ve flirted back and maybe had a decent fuck. But now? She had _problems_ with it.

And she didn’t know exactly why _now_.

Tim looked at Jay’s crossed arms and pinched expression, answering, “Uh, I’d like a refill, but he’s fine.”

He. His. Sir. _Man_. Jay repressed a shudder. Why was she _now_ having a problem with those words? She’d been living with them for her entire life until two nights ago. After all that time, why was it a problem _now_?

Jay contemplated on it more. With how fast everything went after she had her ‘trans awakening,’ as Reagan dubbed it, she didn’t have much time to think about her being transgender. But she didn’t know where to start except completely trusting some shrink whose specialty was gender for some reason. Jay looked across the table and saw Tim smiling and thanking the waitress for his refill. She looked back at her fingers cupping her mug and stared at her muggy reflection in the lukewarm coffee.

Should she tell Tim? She did trust him to hack Oracle and just an hour ago she trusted him to watch the kids at the warehouse…but could she trust him with this… _private_ matter?

Jay glanced across the table again and saw Tim looking at his phone, dorkily spilling coffee onto the table when his mug missed his mouth.

Maaaaybe later.

.....

“Oh my god, Robin getting  _dropkicked_ is true! That’s like rolling a nat 20 for _opening a window_ in D&D! Holy shit, I’m going to bust a gut. Now you _have_ to send me the helmet feed!”

“So you can have blackmail material on Robin? No way, I’ll need it whenever Robin decides to come after my ass for yeeting him across an entire street.”

“Eh, I wouldn’t worry about Robin. He’s in his whiny, angsty fourteen year old phase,” Tim waved Jay off. Wow, he really _did_ get rebellious after he became Red Robin. She could get used to this new Tim.

Jay raised an eyebrow at him. “I broke most of his ribs from my dropkick, and the only thing that kept him from being the _next_ paraplegic in the Batclan is his _metal spine_. But Robin’s not who I’m really worried about…are you sure _Batman_ won’t come at me for all of the above?”

She was being real here. Damian wasn’t as much of a threat to her than Bruce was, but Damian was Bruce’s _biological_ son. If Bruce went to Apokolips to bring Damian back to life _himself_ , Jay knew she didn’t stand a chance against him if anything _bad_ happened to Damian because of her.

That seemed to perk Tim up. “Uh, well, you didn’t _kill_ Robin, so I think you’re okay. If anything, Robin’s report says you basically saved his life, and Black Bat’s report suggests you weren’t hostile. I think-“

Tim abruptly stopped and seemed to focus on something behind her. “Hood, don’t kill him,” he warned.

Jay turned around and saw exactly what he was looking at. The manager was standing directly behind Hooters Girl while she tried to wipe down a table, a strained expression leaking through the bright smile she was trying to keep on her face.

Not under Jay’s watch.

Without getting Tim’s approval, she noisily pushed her chair back and silently stalked towards the manager, shoulder checking the man. He stumbled off the waitress and shot Jay a dirty look. Hooters Girl looked between her and the manager before dashing off.

“Watch where you’re going or I’ll kick you outta this place,” he spat at her, trying to puff his chest out and make up their height and size difference.

Oooooo, she’s _soooo_ scared right now. She was _trembling_ in her combat skirt.

“Oh, I’m _sorry_. I’m on my way to the bathroom,” she innocently explained. Jay then crowded into his space and growled against his ear. The man looked like he pissed his pants.

“If I even see you _look_ at a woman again, I’ll cut your dick off and shove it down your throat. You’ll be lucky if you choke on your own dick ‘cause you don’t want to feel what _else_ I can do to you. But I think Red Robin firing you will do for now.” Jay pulled back and patted his cheek, smiling cheekily. “Nice chat.”

She didn’t go to the bathroom.

Jay and Tim decided to leave early, and Tim threw down a hundred dollar bill down as they walked out the restaurant.

As she put on her helmet, she asked, “You’re definitely firing him, right?”

After a couple more taps on his phone, Tim confirmed, “Already did that. But I’m donating half of his checkings to a sexual assault charity right…now.” They burst out laughing and started a contest on who could come up with a better insult for the ex-manager.

“Hey! Hood!” Jay tried to calm down as Hooters Girl ran up to her and launched herself into Jay’s arms. Caught off guard, Jay instinctively placed her hands around the woman’s waist as Hooters Girl put her arms around Jay’s neck.

The awful feeling in Jay’s gut returned. This position was making her hyper aware of what she _didn’t_ have. The press of the waitress’s body against Jay’s body reminded her of another woman from her Robin days.

_Jason flipped onto the ledge, standing in front of Catwoman._

_“Where’s the Bat tonight, kitten?” she said, slyly grinning and slinking up to him. He watched her hips sway, wondering if his hips could do that. No, that was ridiculous. His hips were far too narrow for that. For some reason, it suddenly made him irritated._

_“Throwing Dent into Arkham,” he snapped, pulling out a birdarang and pointing it at Catwoman. “Now hand over the jewels,” he hissed between his teeth, hopping down and trying to crowd Catwoman’s space._

_“Aw, kitten’s angry tonight,” Selina teased before dropping the act. “Did you and Batman get into another fight?” Selina asked, genuinely concerned._

_“No,” he immediately retorted. Selina didn’t seem to buy it._

_Selina’s gaze softened, and she opened her arms. “Come here, kitten, and talk to Mama Cat about it.”_

_Jason hugged her, his head against her chest and his arms wrapped around her waist and hips._

_“There’s nothing to talk about,” he said, muffled against her boobs. Thinking it would comfort him more, he snuggled into her warmth._

_It ended up making him feel **worse** , a bitter feeling settling into his bones._

_Selina chuckled, playing with his growing hair. “Now, don’t get excited there, kitten.” Jay’s eyes widened, and he pulled his hands back as if they were scalded, pushing her away from him._

_“That’s not-I-no, uh, I-“ He turned around and jumped off the building, shooting his grapple into the night. Selina didn’t follow him. It would be the last time they saw each other before Jason came back from the dead._

Jay put her hands on the woman’s shoulders and gently pushed her off.

Hooters Girl tried to not look disappointed. “Thank you for what you did back there, Hood. I mean it. Don’t hesitate to come back, and you can ask for me,” she dug in her bra and pulled out a napkin with a number written on it. Reluctantly accepting the napkin, Hooters Girl sullenly walked back inside.

Tim whistled lowly and side-eyed Jay. “She’s not having a good night.”

“Oh shut up, Replacement. Why don’t you give her a _raise_ and get off my hide?” she snapped.

Tim opened his mouth and closed it. “You’ve got a point there, Hood.” He pulled out his phone and started tapping.

“Of course, I do. I’m older, smarter, and prettier,” she explained. Jay couldn’t see it behind the white-outs, but she knew Tim rolled his eyes _hard_ as he put his phone away.

“Anyways, Hood, I’ve got to go. The Titans need some assistance so I’m heading home to pull an Oracle. I’ll check on the Crime Alley children and contact you when I’ve got something on Bane.” With that, Tim shot out his grapple and disappeared into the night.

Jay started walking back to her apartment. A bed sounded so nice right now. She could feel her pain meds wearing off. With each step, she felt the pain threatening to resurge. Wow. On top of her shitty mood, she had to deal with her shitty injuries.

When she finally reached her apartment complex, she sighed at the fire escape. This was going to be fun. Each step sent hot flashes of pain through her body. Reaching her window, Jay stumbled inside before locking it behind her. She went to her bedroom and grabbed the bottle of pain meds off her nightstand and swallowed several pills dry. She might get a drug overdose, but she’ll risk it. Jay didn’t want to feel like she got hit by an explosion-

Oh wait, she _did_ get hit by an explosion. Again.

Jay stripped off her suit as fast as possible and tried to ignore the mirror as she put on her clothes. Shit. Jay caught sight of herself as she was pulling on her shirt and halted. Shirt bunched in her hands, she stared at her body.

She was _hideous_.

It was the only way to describe it. A Y-shaped autopsy scar spanned across her chest; the stitches from Bruce’s batarangs were keeping together red, hot flesh; third and fourth-degree burns littered her arms and torso; and wicked scars she gained over the years scattered across her body, some from the Joker.

But another feeling creeped into her dismal mood. Jay looked at her broad shoulders, flat chest, and narrow hips. She _abhorred_ her body for being what it was supposed to be… _masculine_. Jay threw on her shirt and stared in dismay at her flat, triangle-shaped torso. The shirt was one of her baggy ones, and it _still_ didn’t cover her body enough.

Jay dove under her bed covers, wrapping herself into a cocoon. What was she kidding? No amount of material could cover her… _wrong_ body. Getting as comfortable as she could get in her blanket cocoon, she finally let her aching body rest and went into a fitful sleep.

.....

Dark. Cramped. Suffocating.

Coffin. He’s in a coffin. Jason panicked. Kicked the walls and ceiling. Punching wood. Dirt sprinkled into the coffin. _His_ coffin. He’s dead. But he’s alive?

A tiny ray of light. Reached for it. Dug through dirt. Hand broke through. Cool air. Why was he hot?

His head breached the surface.

Jay gasped lungfuls of air, struggling to untangle herself from the thick blanket. She kicked it onto the floor and laid shaking in her bed, staring listlessly at the spinning ceiling. Her heart crazily thumped, and she listened to her ragged breathing. She turned over, and through the delirium she saw the room spin and grow further from her.

Curling into a tight ball, she closed her tear-brimmed eyes.

.....

_Ping!_

Jay groaned and pawed at the nightstand. Where was her phone?

_Ping! Ping!_

Hissing in pain, Jay sat up on her bed. Everything on her body _throbbed_. She also felt hot, even though she had kicked the blankets off sometime last night. In her feverish haze, she rolled off the bed and dug through her discarded suit and found her phone.

What did _carrot top_ want now? Didn’t he know she slept until at least 2 PM every day?

She opened the Outlaws group chat, taking a small moment to wistfully look at Kori’s offline status. Shaking her head, Jay looked at the most recent texts and watched the video of Lian crawling onto Jay’s old wheelchair, unintelligibly babbling and clapping excitedly as she sat in the seat. Jay couldn’t deny it was a really cute video, and she saved it onto her phone in her ‘Li Li’ album.

pee drinker: i think she knows shes seeing u again

pee drinker: just left home and heading to zeta tubes. meet u at ur house in 30?

Red Hooch: Yaaaaaaaaas, bitch

pee drinker: cool beans

pee drinker: real excited to see u too hooch

pee drinker: but fr fr take care of urself until i get there. lian will cry forever if she never sees uncle jay again

Jay winced at ‘Uncle.’ Oh shit. When Roy called her yesterday and found out she got blasted off a building, he insisted on coming to Gotham with Lian. She agreed, totally forgetting she was currently going through a _gender identity crisis_. Fuck. She might have to tell him, but she didn’t think she was ready yet. Well, it didn’t matter. She’ll have to figure out something soon. Roy and Lian were probably already halfway to the Star City Zeta-Beam.

She turned her attention back on her phone and realized she’d left Roy hanging.

Red Hooch: Okay okay I’ll take care of myself. Putting on burn cream right now. Now stop being such a DAD

Jay had a smug grin on her face when she saw Roy start to type but then stop.

Red Hooch: Yeah that’s right, hoe

Red Hooch: Come back and FITE ME

pee drinker: dont make me go nuclear

She bit her lip. Was she willing to risk it? _Absolutely yes_. She sent the ‘I won’t hesitate, bitch’ meme. In retaliation, Roy sent her a picture of Lian hugging him and staring into the camera with her signature puppy dog pout.

Shit. She might be hesitating.

pee drinker: thats what i thought cooch

.....

When Jay opened her door, Lian tried to squirm out of Roy’s hold, reaching for Jay.

“Aw, I missed you too, Li Li,” she said, stooping forward and kissing Lian’s head. As Jay stepped aside to let Roy in, she saw him looking at her with a small smile on his face. Was something on her face? She ran a hand over her cheek and felt stubble scrape her large, calloused hand. Her mood immediately plummeted.

“What are you looking at, carrot top?” she snapped.

Under his signature baseball cap, Roy’s eyes widened. The next thing Jay knew, Roy immediately dumped Lian into her arms. Ow. Even though she took her pain meds fifteen minutes ago, her medication tolerance was starting to get to her. After continually popping it yesterday, the pain meds weren’t working on her anymore. Well, at least she had a high pain tolerance as back up.

“Oi, Roy! What’s that for? You know I’m _injured_. I can _drop_ her or something,” Jay complained as Lian giggled into her neck. Tightening her arms around Lian and ignoring the twinge shooting up through her arms, she watched Roy go into the living room towards the unopened boxes of baby stuff. Jay would’ve assembled it all herself, but Roy insisted on doing it when he got to her apartment.

“You love her too much to do that, but if you’re tired you should sit down with her or something. I need to baby-proof your apartment first.”

Jay rolled her eyes as she sat down on the couch with Lian in her lap. Roy’s best deflective tactic was to fiddle with something, usually either building something or taking care of Lian.

Settling into a more comfortable position on the couch, she played with Lian caged in between her legs. It was more of a safety concern than anything else, but Lian seemed to enjoy trying to crawl over Jay’s massive thighs. Shit. Replacement was right about her ‘ _thunder thighs’_.

With her tiny hands, Lian reached up and tangled her fingers in Jay’s hair. She might’ve pulled a couple of hairs out, but it was keeping Lian occupied, so Jay wasn’t complaining. Jay eventually coaxed Lian’s hands out of her hair and into learning how to fist bump when Roy finished assembling the last item.

“Alrighty, here’s the…play…pen…”

Hearing Roy falter, Jay turned her attention to him. He was watching her with an unreadable expression. Jeez, she knew her stubble was looking scruffy. She’ll shave it after he takes his kid back.

Lian giggled when her small fist connected with Jay’s again, snapping her attention back onto the child in her lap.

“What? You haven’t taught your daughter how to _fist bump_ yet? Are you _jealous_ I was the first to think of it?” Jay smugly replied, trying to incorporate a high-five alongside the fist bumps. It wasn’t working, but Lian didn’t seem to mind, if the peals of laughter were any indication.

Roy chuckled and shook his head. “Actually, you weren’t. Ollie tried to teach her a handshake. Took her forever to get down the concept of high-fives, though.”

Lian abandoned the high-fives and fist bumps and started poking at Jay’s face. When Lian made a questioning noise at the feeling of Jay’s stubble tickling her hands, she gently grabbed Lian’s tiny hands and pulled them away from her face. An intense wave of dissatisfaction flowed through her, the uneasiness clouding her awareness.

It took her a while to process what Roy said. Ollie?

“You made it up with your old man?” she asked, clapping Lian’s hands together for her. Sensing Jay’s sudden discomfort, Lian grew uninterested in her.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Roy stiffen and then relax. “Yeah, yeah, I did. He wanted to see Lian, and he visits a lot now. I told him he’s getting soft.”

“You’re the one with the _baby_ , hot stuff.”

Roy waggled his eyebrows at her as he adjusted his baseball cap. “Am I ‘ _hot stuff’_ to you now? Didn’t know you had a thing for _Dads_.”

“Pfft. You _wish_ ,” Jay snorted as she picked Lian up and dumped her into the padded playpen. Lian immediately began playing with the various toys strewn about the playpen.

As she hauled herself onto her feet and walked to the bathroom, she called out behind her, “Correction! You wish I had a _urine fetish_ like you do.”

“These are false allegations!” Roy retorted from the living room.

“You’re convincing no one, pee drinker!” she yelled back, picking up the razor.

Later, she whipped up some ten minute pasta for her and Roy.

Sitting next to her at the small kitchen island, Roy asked, “Hey, Jay? You look kinda…hot. You okay?”

“’Course I am. But I gotta warn ya I don’t have a urine fetish like you do,” she cheekily responded through a mouthful of pasta. Roy rolled his eyes.

“That’s not what I was talking about,” he said as he slapped the back of his hand to her forehead. She wrinkled her nose. Rude. He should’ve asked for permission or something. Disgruntled, Jay stabbed a meatball with her fork.

“You’re burning up. How are you feeling?”

Swallowing her bite, she said, “Now that you bring it up, I’m actually feeling a bit feverish now.”

Without warning, Roy grabbed the hem of her shirt, but she delivered a smack that would have Ieyonna _sister shook_.

“What was that for? Jay, I think you’ve got an infection.”

“That was _rude_. You need to ask for _permission_ first,” she asserted, pointing an accusing finger at him.

“Jay!” Roy huffed out in frustration.

“Alright, alright. Don’t get your panties in a twist.” Jay pulled at her shirt. She winced when the fabric stuck to her batarang wounds, only peeling off when she pulled harder. Ew. Pus drizzled down both wounds, and the skin looked red and swollen.

“Shit. Looks like the stitches are infected. Fuck. It’s like the _moment_ you’re out of my sight you can’t take care of yourself. I _told_ you to not go to the warehouse yesterday, and what did you do? Go to the warehouse immediately after you hung up.” Roy sighed heavily and stood up. “Come on. We’re going to the hospital.”

“ _Not_ happening, but I know where we can go instead.”

.....

Knocking on the back door, Jay waited for Dr. Leslie to open the door. She was surprised to see a different face peek through the cracked door.

“Hello?” The blue and purple haired woman squinted at Jay and asked disbelievingly, “Jason? Jason Todd?”

Jay stepped closer to get a better look. “Harper Row? What are you doing here?”

Harper opened the door more. “I volunteer here.”

Since when?? Jay knew Bluebird retired a couple years back, but that was about as much as she knew about Harper. She spotted a Gotham U lanyard hanging around Harper’s neck and recognized the engineering college’s insignia. She quickly put the pieces together. Okay, so after retiring from the vigilante life, Harper became an undergrad student at Gotham U, most likely for computer or electrical engineering, and now volunteers at Dr. Thompkins’s clinic. Huh. Jay was impressed. She was glad someone else in the Batclan didn’t just throw money on the problem, instead choosing to spend time volunteering.

And it wasn’t like Harper was _completely_ retired. She knew Bluebird protected the LGBT community, with most of her sightings being at GU. And according to Reagan, Bluebird attended Gotham Pride every year, semi-patrolling the route to make sure the crowds were safe.

“I appreciate the introductions, but he needs medical care,” Roy cut in, Lian fussing in his arms. Jay repressed a shudder.

Harper’s eyes widened, but she fully opened the door and let them in. “Bruce told me and Leslie if we ever saw you, we had to warn him.”

Roy crowded into her space, and Jay tried to get him off her, but he shrugged her off easily. Damn, she must be really weak from the lack of pain meds. Her arms throbbed from the movement.

Towering over Harper, he growled, “Are you going to tell _Batman_?”

Harper stood her ground and narrowed her eyes at him. “Don’t give me a reason to,” she growled back.

At that moment, Dr. Thompkins burst into the tense moment. “Harper, I need-“ Leslie dropped her clipboard.

“Jason? You-you really _are_ back.” Leslie seemed to reach out for Jay, and they both took a step towards each other.

The tender moment was shattered by Roy. “Again, Jay needs medical attention! Can we save all the reunion stuff until _after_ he’s okay?” Lian burst out giggling, somehow adding to the tense atmosphere.

The doctor composed herself and said, “Follow me.”

In an exam room, Leslie gave Jay a full check-up. She could feel Leslie trying to ignore the autopsy scar on her body, but Jay gruffly told her to move on with the examination.

Apparently, not only did Jay have infected stitches but she also had multiple bone fractures. They were mostly minor, but they littered her entire body. Now, it made sense why every time she moved, her body twinged, ached, and throbbed.

“How are you walking around, Jason? And so close to an explosion? I’ve treated Bruce with similar injuries, and he could barely _move_ after a week.”

Jay shrugged, ignoring the sharp pang through her shoulders. “Lazarus Pit. My body’s stronger now. It heals me faster. Brought me back from being brain dead,” she lamely listed off. How do you explain the horrors of the _Lazarus Pit_ to someone? By only telling them the _decent_ parts of it.

Leslie didn’t question her further and prescribed Jay’s treatment, handing her a bottle of antibiotics and another of potent pain meds. Leslie then scheduled an appointment with her one month from now. When Jay started to leave, Leslie stopped her.

Gently placing a hand on her shoulder, Leslie said, “Take care of yourself, now. I don’t want to see you die again.”

Clasping her hand around Leslie’s wrist, Jay opened her mouth but then closed it. How could she tell Leslie that her reckless behaviors were a terrible coping mechanism for her horrible life?

She settled on, “I can’t promise you that, doc.” In a hoarse whisper, she admitted, “I’m too far to be saved. I died the first time being _reckless_ , and the second time won’t be much different.”

Jay knew her rage and impulsiveness would be her ultimate undoing. It was a part of her personality, and she was prepared to die because of it. She knew she wasn’t a hero. At best, she was an anti-hero who hadn’t met her bittersweet end yet.

But until then, she was going to keep kicking and delivering her brand of justice.

Leslie’s eyes turned melancholy. “No one’s too far to be saved. I hope you realize that one day.”

They bid their farewells, and Harper walked Jay and Roy out the back door.

Popping her hip against the door, she said, “See you later. You’ve got my info, so you can tell me more about this ‘firecracker kid.’ He sounds really interesting. Now go before Batman hacks the clinic’s security feeds.” No need to tell Jay twice.

When they got back to her apartment, Jay went into her bedroom to make a private call, leaving Roy with his questioning glare.

.....

“Uhm, so, I-uh, don’t really have any legal documents right-“

“That won’t be a problem, Jay,” Alison reassured. “Over the past couple years, I’ve come to understand not _everyone_ readily has access to their documents. I’m still willing to see you for now, but if you want any letters from me, you’ll need your documents at some point. My best friend is a lawyer, so he’ll help you get them if he can. You have _time_ to get your documents. We’re going at _your_ pace, Jay.”

Not really what Jay was expecting, but she’ll take it. It’ll give her some extra time to figure out what to do with her _legally dead_ status.

“That’s…great,” Jay answered.

“Mhmm. Soooo…you said you’re usually free on Wednesdays. How about next Wednesday at 11 AM, Jay?”

Jay glanced at the calendar tacked onto her fridge. Nothing of importance, at least during the day. But she did want to sleep in because she usually patrolled late.

“Can we do the afternoon, about 3 PM?”

“Sure can! Alrighty, Jay, your appointment is next Wednesday at 3 PM. Anything else?”

“No, that’s all. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Bye-bye.” Alison hung up, and Jay stared at her phone in awe.

She was going to see a gender therapist. _Soon_.

As she walked out of her bedroom, she went to the kitchen to grab a water bottle. Roy was feeding Lian in her high chair.

“What did you go into your room for?” Roy inquired, still paying attention to Lian throwing food around the kitchen.

Jay shrugged, trying to play her good mood off. “Nothing.”

He turned to face her this time. “…then why are you smiling?”

“Are you saying I can’t smile whenever I want to?” she snapped, plopping down on the couch.

Roy raised his hands in surrender and left her to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspiration for "Red Hooch" came from the amazing fic Around Red Hood's Barn by tori1116! https://archiveofourown.org/works/14159745/chapters/32636481 Go check it out! It's really cute!  
> Aaaaaaand I'm happy to finally have Harper Row in this fic!  
> Also, props to my sister for saying "Of course, it HAS to be that Jay dropkicking Damian is the ONLY option" and then likened the dropkick maneuver to "rolling a nat 20 for something stupid, like opening a window". I couldn't tell her she was wrong lol  
> Please leave a kudos or a comment! You know I'm a dumbass thot for those ;)


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim is learning how to take care of the kids. Jay does a couple 'errands' while recovering. And they make a move on Bane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a week, but idk why but it was just hard to write a couple sections in this chapter. And on top of that, I had errands to do this week :P  
> And I've noticed it's getting harder and harder to write chapter summaries for some reason???

Reagan looked up to Tim. “You know, I’m still gonna shove a firecracker up your ass.”

Tim didn’t even try to respond, resisting the _strong_ urge to roll his eyes.

“So, fuckface. What makes you so special? Looks like you just added ‘red’ to Robin.”

He didn’t resist the urge to roll his eyes this time.

That wasn’t _at all_ how he got the Red Robin suit and name. He had a Jason Todd from an alternate universe to thank for that. And because of it, _his_ Jason never lived down how _unoriginal_ he was, first taking the Robin mantle from Jason and then the Red Robin mantle from the _other_ Jason. He already knew his superhero name was _boring_ , even though it did its job. No need to rub it in.

“Hey! I can see you roll your eyes behind that stupid mask!”

“Look, Reagan, I’m just checking up on everyone and then I’ll be on my way.”

Reagan pointed an accusing finger at him. “Nuh uh, you ain’t! You’re gonna help me take care of these kids. Ian’s good, but they’re overrunning him. He needs some serious backup!” The teenager ran behind Tim and started shoving his back.

Weakly resisting Reagan’s ramming, Tim countered, “But I don’t know the first thing about taking care of kids!”

“So what? I don’t either! Us single childs can suffer together! Now, _move_ , fatass!” Reagan wheezed out. Was he having trouble breathing?

Tim was surprised that the tiny, five-foot _nothing_ teen was able to push Tim a good ten feet before he let up.

“I’m not _fat_!” Tim indignantly sputtered, walking beside Reagan, who was rubbing his ribs. Was Reagan injured? Tim made a mental note.

“You tell yourself that, Red Shitstain. Yeah, I read that BuzzFeed article. You in that Laundro-mat tryna get a rando stain outta your suit like a _dumbass_. Bet that Black Bat chick was done with you.”

Tim wanted to slam his head against a wall. He knew tonight was going to be a _long_ one.

.....

Jay sat on the floor with her back to the couch, reading an informative book about transgenderism. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched Lian while Roy went out for groceries. The last time Jay bought groceries, she nearly dropped her bags because of an _untimely_ throb in her arms, and on top of that, she didn’t get any of the right baby stuff for Lian, so Roy was _pissed_.

She let Lian roam the living room and play with the various toys thrown about. In the past few days, Lian slowly took over Jay’s apartment, and she was scared her bedroom was next. She already let Lian sleep with her last night. Her bed now had more of Lian’s things on it than Jay’s.

Glancing at Lian, Jay noticed she strayed a little too far for her comfort and ease of access. What? She was having a lazy day and didn’t want to get up.

“Lian! Come here! Come here to Aunt Jay!” Aunt. Jay liked that word far better than _Uncle_.

The child crawled towards her, happily babbling. The next thing Lian did astonished her. Lian, at a little over eleven months old, _stood_ up for a couple steps before running into Jay’s thigh.

As Lian slapped Jay’s thigh, she cried, “Muh! Muh! Ma!” Jay’s jaw dropped to the floor.

 _What_.

“Ma! Ma! MA! AAAAAAAA!” Lian started screaming for Jay to pick her up, and not knowing what to do, she picked Lian up and rocked her as best she could in her lap. Being a _little shit_ , Lian immediately calmed down in Jay’s arms.

She asked the child in her lap, “Did you just call me ‘ _Ma’_? Did you really take your first steps? Holy _shit_.”

The apartment door burst open. “Hey! Don’t swear around my baby!” Jay was never more relieved to see Roy. Ignoring the dull ache in her body, she pulled herself up and held Lian out to him.

“Roy! Roy! You won’t believe this, but Lian took her first steps! And she called me ‘Ma’! Oh my goodness gracious!”

He blinked at her before quickly plopping the groceries onto the kitchen island and taking Lian from Jay. But at that moment, Lian screamed again.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAA! MAAAAAAAA! MAAAA! MAMA! MAMA!”

Wincing at his ear drums being split into two, Roy dumped Lian back onto Jay. Lian hushed as she burrowed herself into Jay’s neck. What a little shit. She probably got it from Roy.

“Well, I guess she wants her ‘Mama.’ But _damn_ I wanted a video of her first steps! What kind of a father am I?” Roy shook his head in disappointment as he stalked back to the groceries.

Oh no. He’s going to have his ‘I’m a shitty father’ thing. Again.

“I’m a shitty father, Jay!” And there it was.

Jay sighed as she sat at the kitchen island, watching Roy slam nearly every item onto the countertop as he took it out of the bags.

“Roy, stop that. You aren’t a shitty father. How many times do I have to tell you? You’re a single dad making family life _and_ vigilante life work. You’re doing _great_. Besides, she’s got… _Uncle_ Jay to look after her too…” Jay tried hard to not cringe at the word, but she did.

Roy seemed to pick up her hesitation. “Did you just call yourself ‘Uncle’? Aren’t you her Mama now?”

 _What_.

“…you don’t have a problem with that?”

Putting groceries in the fridge, Roy shrugged. “Whatever makes Lian happy. Besides, with Jade not here, she needs a mother…but do _you_ have a problem with it?”

Lian had impeccable timing, crying, “Mama! Mama!” Jay ignored Lian pulling at her hair.

“Not really,” she meekly admitted. Roy turned around, and they stared at each other for a while. The silence between them grew heavy. Jay felt like she was suffocating.

“Is there something you aren’t telling me?” Roy finally asked.

She opened her mouth, and after a couple seconds, she closed them again. It was now or never, Jay.

“I think I’m transgender,” she whispered, her eyes cast down onto the countertop. She felt her eyes sting, but she took a deep breath to calm herself down. Lian sensed her sudden… _vulnerability_ , and she patted Jay’s clean-shaven face, planting a messy kiss on Jay’s nose.

“Mama!”

Jay wearily smiled at Lian and kept her attention on the little girl. She didn’t want to see Roy’s face and know what her best friend thought of her now. With her tiny hands, Lian tried to hug and comfort Jay.

She heard Roy step around the kitchen island and closer towards her. Pulling back the chair next to hers, he sat down lightly in it.

“Jay? Jay, look at me.”

Bracing herself, she turned to meet his earnest gaze.

Where was the _disgust_? The _confusion_? Why wasn’t he _mad_ at her? She would take anything other than that…completely _unreadable_ expression on his damn face.

Jay choked out, “What? What do you want?” Roy softly placed a hand on her shoulder. She gave the slightest flinch.

“I swear, I’m not mad at you or anything. Thank you for telling me. I’m happy you figured it out,” he reassured, rubbing her shoulder comfortingly.

Something he said felt…off.

Jay gasped. “You knew…”

He nodded and explained, “I had my suspicions when you called me about your combat skirt, but I think I had them confirmed when I found out you peed like a woman.”

She facepalmed herself and started snorting. Lian took this opportunity to break her silence and start clapping and giggling.

“What? What’s so funny, Jay?”

“Of _course_ , you would fixate on how I piss!”

“Really? I thought we were having a moment here, Jay,” Roy motioned between them, the barest hint of a smirk on his face.

Her chuckles died down until she was looking into Roy’s eyes. After a couple moments of staring, he leaned closer towards her.

“What are you doing, Roy?”

Flustered, Roy jolted back and scratched the back of his neck.

“Nothing, nothing, Jay.”

Raising an eyebrow at him, she said, “Whatever you say, carrot top.”

After an awkward silence, Roy regained his composure and asked, “So, uh, what now? Now that you think you’re transgender?”

“That’s…a _really_ good question there.”

He put a hand on his chin. “Let’s see, what do transgender people do after coming out? Pronouns? Eh, I’ll run with it. What’re your pronouns, Jason?” At Jay’s cringe, Roy amended, “Jay?” She gave a weak nod.

“Uhm, well, in my head I’ve been going by, uh, female pronouns, but I think it’s…a lot to ask you to-“

“I don’t have a problem with it.”

Jay inhaled a deep breath. “That’s…great, I guess. But _I_ have a problem with it. Publicly, I mean. I don’t even know for sure if I’m transgender, anyways.”

Roy nodded. “I see. Are you waiting until you see Jenkins-Nguyen?”

“How did you know that?” she snapped.

He stuck a thumb over his shoulder, pointing to the calendar on her fridge. “It says ‘Alison’ this Wednesday…with a specific time during the _day_. It wasn’t hard to figure out.”

“Fuck,” she muttered.

“Don’t swear around my baby!”

“Fuh! Fuh!” Lian attempted.

Whoops. Too late.

“…I take it back! You’re not Lian’s Mom anymore! You’re a bad influence on my baby!”

Jay nearly busted a gut as Roy indignantly took Lian from her, battling Lian’s ferocity to stay in her Mom’s arms.

Mom. Jay liked the sound of that.

.....

Jay thrummed in nervous energy. She sat with Roy and Lian in the run-down lobby of the Gotham Equality Center. Fiddling with a hole in the beat-up couch, she had no idea what to expect. For the past week, she combed through as much information she could find on the internet and in bookstores, but most of them gave either too specific or too vague advice about gender therapy, with some of them being positive while others being negative. All Jay really hoped for was that Ieyonna’s information was right.

When Jay gingerly sat on the edge of her seat in Alison’s office, Alison shook Jay’s limp hand and said, “Hello, Jay! My name is Alison Jenkins-Nguyen. I’ll tell you a little bit about myself. My Bachelor’s is in psychology, and my Master’s is in clinical mental health. I have my license to give gender dysphoria diagnoses, and my specialty is identity and mental health in regard to LGBTQ+ people. Let’s see, what else? Oh, I have a lovely wife and an amazing step-daughter.

“So, since these are _your_ counseling sessions, is there a specific way you want these sessions to go?”

Jay gave her a blank stare. Wasn’t she here so _Alison_ could figure out if she’s transgender or not?

Alison’s smile remained on her cheery face. “It’s okay if you don’t. I always ask just in case.”

“So, uh, how do these sessions usually go? And how long will I be with you?”

She shrugged. “For counseling sessions, it depends on the person. And for the second question, I can gauge a time frame after the fourth or so meeting. By then, we’ll have solidified what kind of counseling we’re doing.”

“What ‘kind of counseling’ do you mean?” Jay asked.

“Well, from my years working here, I’ve found about three ‘main routes’ my clients take. For example, we can go straight into the gender dysphoria assessment. It’s the fastest way to get diagnosed with gender dysphoria. You can get your diagnosis within eight weeks, but it leaves no room to talk about other things that may be important to talk about, such as relationship issues or how to deal with workplace discrimination, just to give some examples.

“We can also do a half-and-half thing where we spend half the hour like a regular counseling session, if you need it, and spend the other half hour doing the gender dysphoria assessment. I personally like this option because we can discuss important topics while still making progress on the assessment. Think of it as killing two birds with one stone.

“Another option we could do is counseling without any gender dysphoria assessment. Once we’ve made some progress in counseling, we can discuss where you want to go from there. Some of my more doubtful clients choose this option because it allows them to explore their gender identity without any pressure for deadlines and stuff like that.”

Jay soaked in the information and nodded her understanding. “Now that you put it that way, I think I like the last option.” Exploring her gender identity felt like the best route to go. Who knew? She might not even be transgender, like that person Ieyonna mentioned who did drag.

“Okay, we can definitely do that.” Alison pulled out several packets of paper and handed them to Jay in two neat piles. “This is general paperwork. And these are mental health history questionnaires, common stuff nearly every psychiatrist asks their clients. It’ll ask stuff like ‘Have you ever had an eating disorder? If so, when?’ You can complete these at home.”

At Jay’s glower, Alison added with the smallest chuckle, “I know it feels ridiculous, and you’re obligated to not answer questions if you don’t want to, but I urge you to fill it out as best as possible. It’ll help me tailor your counseling sessions for you.”

“…how secure are _these_?” Jay waggled the entire stack of papers in her hand.

“The first thing any good psychiatrist learns is to never give up their clients’ information, and to this day I’ve never given up anything, even when there were court orders. But I admit, I will have to give up information if they threaten to revoke my license over it, but that hasn’t happened yet nor do I think it will ever happen. It’s pretty hefty to revoke a psychiatrist’s license just for information. And I always bring these documents home. I have a more secure private office at my house, so you don’t have to worry about people breaking into this Equality Center and stealing your documents.”

Realistically, Jay knew if the Batfamily found out she was going here, they wouldn’t have much trouble accessing her documents. But she could at least _try_ to reassure herself.

The rest of the session was pitifully boring, but Jay knew it was mostly due to all the paperwork she was doing. This paperwork had to be done in front of Alison, so the other stack Jay was waving around earlier was still sitting on the desk.

“I’m sorry this first session is really boring, but I promise we can start next week because of all this paperwork you’re doing.”

Signing and dating another signature block with her new alias ‘Jason Catherine’, Jay said, “That’s relieving to hear. We can finally start finding out what’s wrong with me.”

After a short silence, Alison softly affirmed, “Nothing is _wrong_ with you, Jay. You just need some time to figure yourself out.”

Jay messed up her next signature. As she put a line through the mess and initialed the mark, she refused to look at Alison and remained silent.

.....

April opened the door to her condo and dumped her book bags onto the floor, kicking her pumps off. She really wanted to wind down before she had to study for her Children’s Literature exam next week. Her GPA was still good, but as an undergrad junior, she knew fighting for A’s and B’s were going to be hard. If her GPA went under 3.25, she’d lose her scholarship for Early Childhood Education at Gotham U.

Swiping her vape from her purse, she opened the balcony door and stepped out. As she leaned on the ledge, April exhaled a thick line of vapor through her nose. She balanced her vape carefully on the ledge, using her manicured nail to play with it.

The next thing she knew, she was falling.

.....

Jay leisurely peered over the balcony ledge and saw the moment April Hart splat on the ground. The vape teetered on the ledge, and Jay grabbed it with her gloved hand before it fell. She went inside the condo to exit the way she came. She placed the vape onto the hallway table. It had a couple framed photos on it, but when she caught sight of one, Jay immediately stopped and grabbed it.

It was a candid picture. Carl, around two or three years old, smiled brightly at April as she held him in her arms. Blonde hair cascading around her shoulders, April had a gentle yet undeniably loving smile as she looked at Carl. She looked like the epitome of the ideal, caring nanny.

If only they saw her true colors.

Red creeping into her vision, Jay slammed the frame back onto the table, the glass cracking across Carl’s face. She took a minute to calm herself down, concentrating on how she didn’t want to go on a blind, Pit madness rampage. Again.

When the dull roar faded away, she took steadying breaths. That was extremely close, she wasn’t back at square one with her anger and control issues.

April’s broken, bloody corpse flashed across her mind, and Jay willed the flurry of emotions away. No anger. No pride. She only did what needed to be done. She didn’t succumb to the whims of the Lazarus Pit.

Pulling the hoodie over her head, Jay quietly exited the condo.

She didn’t look back.

.....

Stepping into the apartment, Tim said, “Thanks for letting me come over, Jason.” He beelined for the kitchen island and dropped his suitcase onto the countertop, loosening his tie. Tim did a double take at Lian in her high chair cheerily throwing food around her tray, but he shrugged and moved on, pulling out his laptop and a flash drive from his suitcase. Roy was taking a nap on the living room couch, so he wouldn’t bother Tim for a while.

As Tim handed Jay the flash drive, he said, “Bane’s in New York now. You’re still recovering from your injuries, but I want you to do support for me when I take the Batplane up there. Plug this in your laptop or your helmet, and you’ll be connected to my network. ”

“… _your_ network? Thought you were part of Oracle’s network, or at least Batman’s.”

Tim gave her an incredulous look. “I haven’t been part of their networks since I became Red Robin.”

Before Jay could ask how extricated Tim was from Bruce, he continued, “I’ll send you the files I have on him, but we have one window of opportunity before he completely disappears. Four days from now.”

“We just need the one,” Jay asserted.

Tim nodded. “Then let’s get to planning.”

.....

“Is that what I think it is?”

“Oh yeah,” Tim nodded, smirking as Reagan’s jaw dropped.

He handed the two binders and two sports bras over to Reagan. The teen made a face at the sports bras, but he tucked them underneath his armpit and then held out the binders to inspect them better.

“Wow, uh, thanks? But what-how, um, why-“

Shaking his head, Tim said, “No need to thank me. I did extensive research and learned it’s something you need, but _please_ ,” Tim held out the information card that came with the package, “follow these safe binding instructions. You bind for a long time and do _everything under the sun_. I don’t want to see you get injured anymore. You’re doing a lot here taking care of these younger kids.”

In awe, Reagan took the information card. With watery eyes, he whispered, “Thanks. You know, you’re not bad, Red Shitstain.”

“And here I thought you’d at least drop the nickname,” Tim sighed with the smallest smile on his face.

Reagan gave a sharp bark of laughter. “And miss out on making fun of a _weeabo_?”

“…”

“Okay, but for real, though…can I go to the next anime convention with you? I’ve always wanted to go to one. ‘Sides, I don’t think it’d be too hard to sneak me in. I could probably hide under your cape-“

Tim burst out laughing. “You’re a weeabo too?”

“No! I’m not-no! Just, no! I’m not a _weeabo_!”

He slung an arm around Reagan’s shoulders and ruffled the teen’s hair. “Sure, you aren’t.”

Tim thought about it more. Gotham’s annual anime convention was coming up in a couple months…

.....

The phone wedged between her ear and shoulder, Jay rinsed one of the dishes and put it on the drying rack. Through the phone’s speaker, she heard children laughing and screaming among Tim’s cries of, “Stop! Sequoia, go in the corner! Don’t touch that, Corinne! Sam, be nice to Renosh!”

“How do you do this, Ja-Hood?” Tim asked, almost breathless.

“Well, Timbo, hate to break it to you, but you’re just not good at taking care of kids.”

Tim groaned in annoyance. “Tell me something I don’t know-hey! Get your hands off my belt! It’ll shock you if you try to take it off, Mohammed!”

Shaking her head in amusement, Jay said, “Sooo, what I’m hearing is that you have _everything_ under control and that the kids are fine-“

“Actually, I was calling you for something else-Theresa! Say ‘sorry’ to Carl right now! That was _mean_!”

Jay heard a faint, “Sowwy, Cawl,” through the phone.

Huh. Maybe Tim wasn’t as bad with kids as she thought. Well, he was always a quick learner.

“You were saying, Timmers?” she continued.

“Oh, right. Reagan left.”

Jay nearly dropped a bowl. “What?!” With her hand still wet, she pressed the phone closer to her ear.

“Huh? No, Julio, I’m not going to let you play with my bostaff. It’s not a toy.”

Still holding the bowl in her other hand, it shattered under her tight grip. “Tim! Focus!”

“Right, right. When I checked last night, he was here. But Ian told me he left sometime earlier this evening. He didn’t know where Reagan was going, and he couldn’t go after him, not with all the children to watch.”

Jay pinched the bridge of her nose with her bleeding hand. “And you can’t go find him when we’re going after _Bane_ tonight.”

“Exactly. After I finish up here, I’m going to swoop by and grab Batgirl, then we’re-“

“Wed Wobin! Wed Wobin! I want up!” Theresa cried. Jay heard some slight shuffling and the little girl’s excitement increased. Tim must have picked her up.

Jay’s foot started tapping the floor impatiently. “ _Tim_ ,” she warned.

Once the shuffling stopped, Tim said, “Look, I think Reagan can take care of himself until I get back. You know it won’t take _too_ long. I can look for him after we put Bane-“

“No.” Jay started walking to the armory. “I’ll go find him. I can multi-task, Tim. I’ll do support for you while I’m out looking for Reagan.” Lian woke up with a fever this morning, so asking Roy to comb through Gotham's streets for Reagan was out of the option. She knew he was extremely stressed when he came back from Leslie's clinic, and he quickly passed out in his room after Lian fell asleep.

“Are you sure? You’re still recovering.”

Putting the phone on speaker so she could throw on her suit, Jay said, “I’m sure. If you know anything about that kid, then you know he’s being a _firecracker_ right now.”

Reagan could either be doing something completely harmless or something completely reckless. There was really no in between for the firecracker.

“You’ve got a point there.”

.....

Tim was already gone by the time Jay reached the warehouse. The moment she stepped foot through the doors, Ian spotted her and immediately wheeled himself over. Some of the children tried to play with her, but Jay gently brushed them off. She didn’t have enough time to play with them tonight, and she was also on a timer. Her pain meds worked well for about two hours and then wore off. It’d suck to be out in Gotham while in pain. Again.

“Have you found Reagan yet?” Ian asked.

Jay shook her head. “I just got here. I was hoping to find some clues before going out to look for him.”

Ian sullenly nodded, wheeling himself back around. “Well, I’ll grab the youngsters and send them off to bed. Let me know if you need anything.”

“There’s a curfew here?” Jay asked as she walked beside Ian.

“It was my idea, and I’m the only one who can get these young’uns to bed, anyways,” Ian chuckled.

A voice crackled into Jay’s helmet feed.

“ _Red Hood, we just touched down,_ ” Stephanie said.

Tim elaborated, “ _We’ll be at the docks in fifteen minutes._ ”

As Jay helped Ian wrangle the kids into the bedrooms, she said, “Acknowledged. Keep me updated.”

“ _Affirmative_.”

“ _Yessiree_!”

She felt a tug on her skirt, and when she looked down, Julio was giving her a pouty expression.

“Why ain’t ya with Reagan getting eye yarn?”

Kneeling down so they were eye level, she asked, “What do you mean, Julio?”

“He said he was findin’ ya for somethin’ ‘bout eye yarn.”

“Eye yarn?”

Julio shrugged. “Hell if I know. I ain’t wanna find out what _eye yarn_ is.” With that, Julio ran after Ian and hopped into his lap as the veteran wheeled past.

Julio’s, “CHAAAAAAARGE, HORSIE!” receeded into the distance, along with Ian’s light admonishments.

Eye yarn? Jay thought about it more, and then it hit her.

Ieyonna! Reagan must be with her!

Relief flowed through Jay. She trusted Ieyonna to keep Reagan safe, but she knew she had to check up on them to make sure they were alright.

.....

It took about twenty minutes for Jay to locate Ieyonna to a motel that usually operated as a meeting place for prostitutes and their clients. Before she went inside, Jay decided to check up on Tim and Steph.

“Red Robin, Batgirl, status,” Jay called out on their channel.

After several seconds of silence, Steph said, “ _Bane’s goons are getting bored. It’s all going to plan, but **I’m** getting hella bored._”

“ _I’m **right** here, Batgirl! I’ve literally been talking to you for the past ten minutes!_”

“ _Oh, shut up, Red. You’re **spoiling** my mood with your voice_,” Steph retorted, snorting.

Through the comm, Jay heard Tim facepalm himself. “ _I’m so glad you’re **not** Spoiler anymore_.”

Shaking her head in what might be disappointment, Jay said, “You two, _behave_. Hood, out.”

She walked through the motel’s hallways before she found the right room. When she opened the door, Ieyonna turned from her chair seductively. The act dropped when Ieyonna registered that Red Hood had walked into her room.

“Hood!” Ieyonna ran up to Jay, hugged her, and pulled back. “What ya doin’ here?” She immediately started fussing over her. “I heard you got badly injured! You shouldn’t be out!”

Holding back the smirk on her face, Jay took Ieyonna’s hands and held them firmly in between the two of them.

“I’m _fine_ , Ieyonna, really. But I’m not here for that. Is Reagan with you?”

“What? Why’d he be with me?”

“He left the warehouse a few hours ago. One of the kids said he was going to see you.”

Ieyonna shook her head. “Haven’t seen him since a couple nights ago.”

Jay put her hands on her hips and sighed. “You have any idea where he might be?”

The black woman nibbled on a fingernail before perking up. “He might be at my apartment! I invited him inside for a cup of hot chocolate that night, so he knows which apartment I live in!”

“Sounds like a plan. Thanks, Ieyonna.”

As Jay moved away from her, Ieyonna delivered a _hard_ smack to Jay’s arm. She felt it through her jacket and armor. That was one _mean_ smack.

“What ya thankin’ me for?! I’m comin’ along too!” Ieyonna snapped as she grabbed her purse.

“Alright, alright. Cheebus Christ.”

The motel was a block down from Ieyonna’s apartment, so it didn’t take long to walk there. Along the way, they passed by Red Robin.

“Hey, I read that BuzzFeed article about Red Robin! First superhero to own stocks! What a time to be alive!” Ieyonna commented cheerily.

“Tell me about it,” Jay huffed. She’s been alive _twice_.

“And who knew Red Robin was such a weeabo?”

Jay rolled her eyes. “Sadly, he is. He’s gone to a Miku Hatsune concert. And no, I’m not telling you how I know.”

Ieyonna shut her mouth and led Jay up to her apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhhh! I'm so happy to finally have Jay as Lian's mom! And FINALLY Jay came out to someone who's close to her!  
> Did y'all notice how Jay's referring to herself with she/her pronouns but also doubting her transgender identity? Was I guilty of doing the same thing? Sadly, yes.  
> The hardest section to write was the gender therapist session, only because it was the first session. I really tried to remember how my first gender therapy session went, but I was really messed up when I first came to my therapist, so I just wrote down what I knew for sure I learned in the first couple sessions. I tried my best for that section, but I know it's not great. Don't come @ me lolol  
> Oooooooooh, what do y'all think about Carl's nanny? Did she deserve that? If not, what should Jay have done differently? Do you think Jay was justified in killing her?  
> S/o to my baby cousin, who gave me inspiration for how Reagan made fun of Tim. Tbh, I make fun of her almost exactly like how Reagan made fun of Tim, but I also watch anime sometimes too soooooo LOLOL  
> S/o to my sister for giving me the inspiration for the Wed Wobin part XD we were talking one time, and she said "Wed Wobin" instead of "Red Robin". At that moment, I just KNEW I had to put that somewhere in this fic!  
> And yay, Steph's finally here!!!  
> As always, leave a kudos or a comment!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jay and Ieyonna find Reagan, and it's not a good situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I would've put this out sooner, but I was on family vacation. Sorry for the wait! I hope you guys enjoy it!!

When they approached Ieyonna’s apartment, Jay heard a ruckus behind the door.

“-any idea what you’re talkin’ about. Li’l girl-“

“I _dare_ you to call me that again, buttchin!”

It sounded like Clarence and Reagan were having an altercation. In bated breath, Jay glanced between the apartment door and Ieyonna digging through her purse hurriedly for her keys.

“Look here, missy-“

“There’s nothing else to look at! I saw you with all those other girls! Fucking cheater! She ain’t deserve your bitch ass!”

Well, Clarence was more of a _pimp_ than a cheating boyfriend, but Jay didn’t expect Reagan to know much about pimping, if at all.

“ _Alright_ , come here, bitch!” Clarence roared. Ieyonna struggled to insert her key into the lock.

Through the door, Jay heard glass breaking against the walls and things being knocked around.

“Ah! Let me _go_!” Reagan screamed. At the sound of Reagan’s shrill voice, Ieyonna dropped her keys.

Jay couldn’t wait any longer. Pushing Ieyonna aside, she kicked down the door and burst into the apartment, ignoring the shooting pain in her leg now. Clarence and Reagan stopped struggling with each other and stared at Jay. Because Clarence had a gash across his cheek and his shirt was drenched in water, she quickly deduced Reagan threw a vase of flowers at him. Clarence had a tight hand around Reagan’s wrist and the other in his curly hair.

Red leaked through the corner of her vision, a rushing sound filling her ears.

“LET HIM GO!” Jay bellowed, throwing herself at Clarence.

But she allowed herself to deck him in the face. _Hard_. Clarence immediately let go of Reagan and tried to fist fight her. It was _futile_. She had travelled around the world, much like Bruce, and became an expert in multiple martial arts styles. This pimp had _nothing_ on her.

There was barely enough restraint in her attack to keep damage minimal. A mantra repeated itself in her mind.

don’treactwithangerdon’treactwithangerdon’treactwithangerdon’treactwithangerdon’treactwithangerdon’treactwithanger

With this mantra, Jay easily swatted away Clarence’s strikes and delivered a swift kick that sent him spiraling across the room, landing on the floor in pain. She took a step forward and then stopped herself. If she took another step, she _knew_ the red would overtake her vision.

“Clarence!” Ieyonna cried, going over to help him up. Clarence gave Jay a murderous glare as Ieyonna helped him up. Breathing heavily, Jay laboriously calmed down her anger. She _had_ to be careful with what she did next, and her anger was _anything_ but careful.

“What kind of _friends_ do you have, babe?” Clarence asked Ieyonna, his attention still on Jay.

“I’m sorry, hon! This is all just a _misunderstandin’_.” Ieyonna glanced helplessly between Clarence, Jay, and Reagan. “Please, we don’t need to fight.”

Reagan pointed accusingly at Clarence. “What we _need_ is to get you away from your shitty boyfriend! I’ve been following him around, and he’s been with a buncha other girls! He ain’t fooling no one with his fake ass _bullshit_!”

“Don’t talk to my boyfriend like that!”

“I’ll _make_ her shut up!” Clarence snarled, making a move towards Reagan, but Ieyonna pushed against him.

“Don’t hurt him! He’s only a boy!” she pleaded to Clarence. He stopped but gave a vicious glare towards Reagan. The kid glowered in full force.

After several seconds of warring and tense silence, Clarence said, “Then tell ‘em to leave, babe.”

Ieyonna turned to Jay and Reagan. “There’s _nothin’_ goin’ on here, understand? He and I are happy, okay? So can-“

“But someone needs to tell it to you straight!” Reagan cut in. “You need to _dump_ his bitch ass! He’s-”

Jay placed a firm hand on Reagan’s shoulder, halting his next words. From her experience working with trafficking and pimped victims, she knew it was better to be straightforward.

She gently addressed Ieyonna. “Look, I know this is a lot to take in right now, but he’s doing something _worse_ than cheating on you…you and sixteen other men and women are being _pimped_ by your ‘boyfriend.’”

Clarence stalked towards Jay, but she quickly pushed Clarence back a few feet. The man stayed rooted to the spot, probably because he knew Red Hood had the physical upper hand.

“You’re a liar, Red Hood,” Clarence spat. “I ain’t ever done anythin’ like that!”

Jay glanced at Ieyonna and saw a woman in immense turmoil.

.....

Reagan exclaimed, “I only saw him with three other girls, but ‘ _sixteen men and women’_?! Buttchin’s a man-whore!”

Hood pinned Reagan to her chest and said, “Reagan! Calm down! He’s not a cheater. He’s a _pimp_. He was _never_ her boyfriend in the first place.”

Ieyonna stared at Hood in disbelief. Clarence was _her_ boyfriend, the person she trusted with _everything._

_It took several months, but the attraction and sexual tension between them grew to where they couldn’t take it anymore. After a tearful confession and rounds of sex, Clarence wrapped his arm around Ieyonna’s waist, holding her close. They were now having pillow talk, opening up to each other about their hopes and dreams, as well as their fears and realities._

_After Ieyonna told him her life story, Clarence disclosed his childhood with her._

_“My Momma beat me every other week for bein’ a failure. I…believe her, even when I try not to. I failed at bein’ **aborted**. You can’t get lower than that. And I ain’t even met my dad. Don’t plan on it. I think he’s long dead by now, anyways. Momma told me he was in a gang. Never told me what happened to my dad, but I’m smart enough to know it ain’t pretty. To this day, I ain’t ever joined a gang. Didn’t wanna die in one of them gang wars always goin’ on. Lost too many friends in them gangs for that shit. When I started high school, I was real tight with my homies. I was the only guy left when I graduated.”_

_“If she hated you so much, why’d she keep you?” Ieyonna asked. “My family threw me out the moment they didn’t like me anymore.”_

_“She didn’t completely hate me. But I think she knew if she gave me away, I’d still live a shitty life on the streets. Maybe even join a gang. Nearly every day she’d tell me the gangs were bad. Hated them more than the Devil himself. She didn’t wanna contribute to that, I guess._

_“I think she was just like me. Lost too many people to the gang life. She never had friends. And she told me a couple times how I have an aunt and an uncle. When I asked if I could meet ‘em, she said my uncle was killed from bein’ a henchman. Gotham’s crazies, and even **Batman** himself, ain’t ever careful ‘bout where they throw their bombs and shit. They didn’t even have enough of his body for a burial. At least all the money he made went to his kid. It wasn’t much, but it was somethin’. For my aunt, her husband had a gang hit on him for not payin’ their protection money. She shot the gangster who shot him. She killed herself a li’l while after.”_

_“I’m so sorry-“_

_“Stop it. I ain’t need your pity. Anyways, I don’t look at the past much. I’m gonna move up, make big money, get a nice home, nice car. You know, live the dream.”_

_“Yeah, I know. But it’s what it is – a **dream**.”_

_Her dream of being a Civil Engineer, having a house in a quiet neighborhood, surrounded by loving family, was **gone** the moment her parents kicked her out with nothing but the clothes on her back._

_Clarence shifted closer, kissing her hair. “Dreams can never die, sweetheart. I can give it all to you too. Stay with me tonight.”_

_Ieyonna tightened her hand around his._

Clarence tightened his hand around hers and told her, “Don’t believe ‘em, sweetheart.”

Still struggling to hold Reagan back in her arms, Hood said, “There’s nothing to _believe_. I already have evidence. Including you, he’s been seeing nine women, six men, and two girls under the age of eighteen, taking all their money for himself,”

Nine women? Six men? And two underage girls?

Was her relationship a lie? Her _dream_ a lie?

She didn’t know what she’d do if her dream crumbled before her eyes again.

“He’s been taking her money?! What a _douchebag_! Lemme get at him!”

“Reagan! No!” Hood ordered.

The ferocious kid struggled harder. “Fuck off, Bucket Head! That piece of shit can go _die_ in a hole!”

Clarence turned Ieyonna’s face to meet his. “He’s lyin’, babe. He ain’t got any evidence against me. Don’t believe him. It’s us against the world, remember?”

_Last month, Ieyonna entered her apartment and immediately handed Clarence the money she made, like she did every night._

_“We should watch a musical tonight! I haven’t gone to the theater since high school, hon.”_

_He stopped counting the money, turning to her. “But sweetheart, that’s a waste of money. You know, this is why you can’t ever pay your rent. You always spend your time and money on useless stuff like this, when you could be out there workin’, savin’ up to get your dream.”_

_She deflated. “You’re right.” She always gave him her money because he managed it better than she did. She also let him delete her social media and monitor her internet usage because he told her she was always wasting her time on her phone. He wasn’t wrong._

_“And even if we did watch a movie,” he continued, “I’m too tired. I wanna crash back in my bed, be back at my apartment before I go to work tomorrow. You want me to lose my job?”_

_She felt herself wilt even further, ashamed at tempting Clarence with something as silly as a movie. “No, I don’t.”_

_Leaning closer and kissing her head, Clarence caressed her cheek._

_“Don’t be like that, babe.” He pocketed the cash. “We’ll save up enough money and get that house you want, right?”_

_She put her hand atop the hand on her cheek and nodded. “Yes, yes, we will.”_

_“Remember? It’s us against the world.”_

_“And the world can’t stop us,” she finished._

_Pulling her closer, Clarence praised, “You’re a good boy.”_

_A disgusted feeling overtook Ieyonna. Clarence told her multiple times she didn’t pass well for a woman, so she didn’t expect him to call her the right pronouns all the time. Still. It always made her feel…inadequate._

_“Girl,” he corrected himself. “ **My** girl,” he crooned._

_A warm, happy feeling settled in Ieyonna’s body, replacing the sour mood from earlier._

_“Oh! Nearly forgot. Got you this. Your favorite!” He led her to the living room where the flower vase she got a week ago now had fresh chrysanthemums in them. “Sorry I couldn’t give ‘em to you in hand. I wanted them to stay alive, so I put them in with that li’l water-food packet that comes with it.”_

_“It’s lovely, Clarence. Thank you. I love you.” She leaned forward to kiss him, and he gave her a quick peck. As he slung an arm around her shoulders and moved her toward the kitchen, Clarence asked her a question._

_“So, I’ve been thinkin’, and I know I wanna get married someday. What do you think? About marriage?”_

_Her dream life flashed before her eyes. Loving husband. Picket-fence house. Happy children. Peaceful retirement._

_Ieyonna let the question sink in. Clarence already did everything a husband would do. They’ve been dating for a year now, but she couldn’t imagine not living the rest of her life with him. She knew she was **ugly** , not even a **real** woman. No one else could ever love her like Clarence did._

_Maybe it was time to take their relationship more seriously._

_She smiled and told him so._

She frowned and told him, “Don’t call the Red Hood ‘he’. She’s transgender.”

“ _That’s_ what you’re focusin’ on? Really, babe?”

Honestly? She didn’t know what to focus on.

He roughly shoved her hand away. “You don’t believe me, do you?”

She didn’t know _what_ to believe.

“Please, listen to me,” Hood started again. “He doesn’t love you. Do you ever wonder why he calls you ‘babe’ and ‘sweetheart’? He calls _all_ the other men, women, and girls that. He barely remembers their names. How can he? He’s pimping _seventeen_ people. Why should he remember _your_ name?”

Ieyonna’s world swirled around her.

She carefully turned to him. “…what’s my name?”

“…”

She pleaded with him, tears blurring her vision. “You _have_ to know. Please, Clarence. For me?”

“Jeremiah…” he mumbled to himself. Ieyonna cringed at her dead name.

“Jasmine?” he guessed.

Tonight, her dreams shattered.

Again.

.....

Jay let Reagan rush forward to catch Ieyonna as she slumped to the ground, tears flowing freely from her face. She didn’t even make a single sound.

In the meantime, Jay socked Clarence in the face, and he fell to the floor unconscious. She kicked him several times for good measure, letting herself blow off some residual steam.

While she zip-tied the pimp, Reagan used a pillow to sweep away random shards of glass from the couch. He then made Ieyonna sit on the couch, still damp and littered in wilted chrysanthemums.

Through her helmet, Jay alerted the police. Might as well call them now. Because this area was part of the ghettos, she knew it would take the GCPD a long time to respond to the anonymous call. After ending the call, Jay sat next to Ieyonna and gently pulled her into a hug. Ieyonna didn’t respond.

About ten minutes later, Red Robin’s and Batgirl’s channel suddenly crackled to life.

“ _Red Hood! Bane’s yacht just took off, no warning! Batgirl’s_ -“

“ _I’m on the yacht, but I’m being **shot** at! EEEEE!_” Several gunshots came off through the channel.

“Batgirl!” Jay called out.

“ _Steph! Answer me!_ ” Tim desperately cried.

Seconds later, she shouted over the gunfire, “ _I’m fine! But you gotta hurry! I’m pinned!_ ”

“ _Okay!_ _I’m calling the Batplane! ETA one minute! Stay alive until then!”_

_“I’m **really** trying here! Oh, **shit**! It’s Bane! Batgirl, out!”_

_“No, don’t engage! Ugh, Steph…Jason, when I’m ready, I’ll need you to take over the plane!”_

“Red, I’m a little busy right now-“ she warned, looking at Ieyonna. The shocked prostitute was staring vacantly in front of her, ignoring any questions from Jay and Reagan.

“ _Then get **not** busy! RR, out!_” The line went dead.

Jay couldn’t just _leave_ Ieyonna here until the police showed up. Hell, she couldn’t trust them to _not_ arrest Ieyonna for prostitution. New Jersey prostitution laws were stupid.

An idea popped into Jay’s head. She quickly dialed a number.

.....

Reagan struggled to breathe as he clumsily followed _Red Bucket_. Bucket Head was using her _grappling hook_ to swing her and Ieyonna across buildings…while he was left to follow them on _foot_. At least Red Robin gave him a binder that didn’t _kill_ him whenever he ran in it. In fact, this binder was a far more comfortable to run and jump in, so he was glad about that.

Hopping onto a railing, he slid down the entire flight of stairs. When his feet touched the ground, he looked around and recognized the street in front of him. After Reagan ran a few more blocks, he had a vague idea of where they were headed.

As he clambered over a fence, he wheezed out, “Bucket! We heading to the Narrows?”

Her robotic voice carried easily through the night. “Yes. Now _run_.”

“You’re a _bitch_!” he called out, climbing an apartment’s outside stairwell.

“Takes one to know one!”

“Cocksucker,” he muttered under his breath.

“I heard that!”

No, she _fucking_ didn’t. When he got to the fifth floor, he jumped up and planted his foot on the railing, hurling himself off the stairwell.

“Reagan!” she cried, skidding to a halt.

When his feet landed on the adjacent building, he landed in a roll and jogged towards her.

Hood asked, “Where’d you learn that?”

He shrugged, hands on his knees and letting himself catch his breath. “Why you judging? All you Bats think the best way to get around is running across rooftops all night long.”

Several moments later, Hood adjusted her hold on Ieyonna and asked, “You’re not wrong. Think you can keep up?”

“Oh, you’re on, grandma!”

.....

Holding most of Ieyonna’s weight, Jay incessantly pounded on the apartment door. Her body ached and throbbed, the painkillers having worn off a long time ago.

Red Robin’s channel opened again.

“ _Hood!”_ Tim’s voice crackled through the communicator _. “Ready to take over?_ ”

“No, I’m fucking not!” She banged on the door harder.

Tim sighed. “ _I’ll buy you **three** minutes, max._” The channel went silent again.

Someone _finally_ pulled the door wide open.

“It’s open! Stop! It can’t defend itself!” Harper exclaimed. She was dressed in a sweatshirt, shorts, and her Bluebird mask.

Jay lugged Ieyonna into the apartment and dumped her on the living room couch. She didn’t even move from the position Jay dumped her in. Must be all the _shock_ and _heartbreak_. Believe her, Jay _knew_ the pain Ieyonna was in.

Reagan piped up, “Are you Bluebird?!”

“Shh! Hate to be a party pooper, but don’t be too loud. You’ll wake up Cullen…and Harper!” she added quickly.

“Who’re they?” Reagan asked.

“Cullen is, uhm, Harper’s brother. And Harper is…my girlfriend! Uh, well, it’s not public or anything. Promise to keep it a secret?”

Jay nearly facepalmed herself. Why did she think this was a good idea, again? Oh wait, Tim needed her to control the Batplane, and she couldn’t do that well with her helmet computer _while_ taking care of Ieyonna and Reagan. So calling Bluebird for help late in the night was _apparently_ the go-to plan.

She needed better go-to plans for the future.

Reagan eagerly nodded. “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. I can’t _believe_ I’m meeting you, and we’ve already got _secrets_ between each other. Holy _shit_. You’re, like, my _favorite_ superhero.”

Harper chuckled. “Thanks, Reagan.”

He immediately got defensive. “How’d you know my name?”

“ _I’m_ _Bluebird_ ,” Harper growled.

Was…was that the _queer_ spoof of ‘ _I’m Batman’_?

Shaking her head, Jay said, “Bluebird, focus. Your computer?”

Harper pointed a thumb over her shoulder. “Second door on the right. Need any help?”

“ _I’m_ _Red Hood_ ,” she answered huskily, imitating Harper.

Behind her, Jay heard Reagan say, “No offense, but you Bats sound _so_ stupid. Who’s afraid of,” he coughed to clear his throat quickly, “‘ _I’m Reagaaaaaaaan_ ’? See?! No one. It’s become a meme, and people ain’t afraid of _memes_.”

Rolling her eyes, Jay limped to the room and unclasped her helmet. Taking out Tim’s USB from its socket within her helmet, she plugged it into Harper’s computer. While it took several minutes for her helmet to fully access Tim’s network, Harper’s computer only took _seconds_. Wow. The sleek computer must hold some _ridiculous_ processing power only Harper’s electrical and computer skills could pull off, especially with how streamlined the design was. Even Barbara’s computers took up an entire _floor_ at the Clock Tower.

With the Batplane’s feed in front of her, Jay quickly surveyed the scene. The yacht was dead in the water, so Tim must have jammed the yacht’s system. The plane was hovering close, firing plastique pellets on the henchmen and dodging their gunfire. There were eight of them left. Through windows in the yacht’s helm, Jay saw Steph fighting Bane. She could tell they were moving too fast and too close to each other for Tim to help with the plane. There was heavy damage on the yacht’s starboard side, clearly from the Batplane’s weaponry, so she assumed Bane and Steph fought outside briefly before Tim showed up with the plane.

Alright. She knew what to do.

“Red Robin, I’m ready! I’ll cover you!”

“ _Finally!_ ”

.....

Tim immediately gave Jason control and quickly jettisoned himself from the plane, using his winged cape to soar towards the ship’s helm. Behind him, he heard Jason take down any nearby henchmen aiming at him. When he got close enough, Tim pulled his cape close to his body and thrust his feet in front of him. He burst through one of the helm windows, surprising Bane and nailing him right in the face. At that moment, Steph put her leg behind Bane’s legs to topple him over.

The moment Bane’s back hit the floor, Tim backflipped to put distance between him and Bane. He extended his bostaff as Bane did a kip-up and grabbed Steph. Bane _threw_ Steph at him, and he barely had enough time to roll out of the way, wincing when he heard her form crumple against the wall.

While Tim assaulted Bane with a flurry of moves, Steph groaned as she pulled herself onto her feet and joined his side. They fought together like their Robin and Spoiler days.

“BTW, wanted to tell you I’m happy you stopped injecting Venom,” he congratulated Bane, flipping over him to attack from behind.

Bane chuckled, simultaneously blocking Tim’s swing and Steph’s punch. “Because it’s easier to fight me?”

“Oh, hell no! We fight _metahumans_ and _aliens_ on a regular basis,” Steph chirped in, hopping onto his shoulders and distracting him. “But drug addiction’s hard to get over. We’re glad you’re trying to quit it again!”

“Not to mention the serious long-term health effects. You look healthier,” Tim added.

This time, when Bane threw Steph off him, she flipped around to land on her feet.

“ _Hey, RR! Put me on speaker,_ ” Jason ordered.

Sliding between Bane’s legs, Tim pressed a button on his comm. He whacked the back of Bane’s knee. Rolling onto his feet, Tim lunged forward, but Bane blocked the staff jab and then stole it from Tim. Bane chuckled at him as the bigger man cast the staff off to the side. Damn, he’ll have to get past Bane to get it back. He gritted his teeth and tightened his fists.

Everyone continued fighting as Jason said, “ _Arsenal’s been through rehab a couple times. Now, he’s been clean for ten months now. It’s been hard, but it’s **progress**.”_

As Bane caught Tim’s kick and hefted the vigilante over his shoulder, the smallest smirk grew on Bane’s face. Tim supposed it was Bane’s way of saying, ‘Thank you.”

“Don’t be disappointed when I use Venom again,” Bane warned, throwing Tim at Steph. After a brief moment of disorientation and feeling the rushing air, she awkwardly caught him in a bridal carry, and Tim tightened his hold around her neck. The momentum of him being thrown into Steph made her slide back a couple feet.

Well, at least they weren’t in a broken, bloody pile on the floor.

Setting him down, Steph replied, “Well, it wouldn’t be called the ‘ _rocky road to recovery_ ’ without a reason.”

Tim shrugged. “She’s got a point.” Kneeling down, he let Steph springboard off of his back and onto Bane, ferociously attacking his face while choking his neck with her legs.

“ _I second that. Anyways, I have a henchman to take care of. Toodles._ ” As he dodged a nasty left hook, Tim tapped his communicator. At that moment, the helm’s side door burst open. One of the henchmen flew across the room, and he landed in a crumpled pile that made Tim and Steph cringe.

“Yikes, that’s gotta-oof-hurt,” he spat out, taking a knee to the gut.

“With you on that, Red Blunder,” she commented, backflipping out of range for Bane’s sweeping kick.

He easily brushed Steph’s insult aside with, “Still better than Robin calling you, ‘ _Fatgirl_.’”

Before Steph had a chance to respond, Jason said, “ _RR, BG, I’m in position! Get ready!_ ” Through the open side door, Tim saw the Batplane lower itself closer to the ship’s helm.

“ _Now!_ ”

Tim and Steph ducked away from Bane as a barrage of plastique explosives engulfed him. A line shot out from the Batplane, connecting to Bane’s chest and electrocuting him until he passed out.

After picking up his bostaff, Tim supported himself on it.

Breathing heavily and nursing her ribs, Steph said, “Call it in, boys. We’re done here.”

“ _I’m not a b-nevermind_.”

“What’s that, Hood?” Tim asked. Jason sounded normal earlier, but now he was irritated. What changed his mood?

“ _Nothing,”_ Jaosn growled, releasing a line from the Batplane. _“Get on. Already alerted the authorities. I trust you two can get yourselves home_.”

Jogging to the line, Steph told Tim, “I’ll let you fly, Red. There’s a cot in there with my name on it.”

.....

After Jay exited Harper’s computer lab, she went to the living room couch and shook Reagan’s shoulder.

“Hey. Wake up, Reagan.”

Rubbing his eyes, Reagan grumbled, “Mmm? Don’t wanna go to school, Dad.” His eyes suddenly shot open, and Jay took a step back as Reagan popped off the couch. “Don’t do that! You scared me! Could’ve punched you or something!” Reagan crossed his arms and huffed, “Anyways, why’re you not wearing your stupid bucket?”

She twirled the helmet around her hand. “You mean my _helmet_? I’m about to put it on. If you were scared of my _normal_ voice, I’m glad I didn’t wake you up with my _helmet_ voice.”

Reagan immediately scowled, but Jay gave a huff of laughter as she ruffled his hair.

“Sorry to burst your little bubble, but what do we do about her?” Harper asked, gesturing to Ieyonna _still_ lying in the same position and staring at the ceiling.

Jay ran a hand through her hair, scratching the back of her head. “Uh, I guess I’ll have to take her to the warehouse. Reagan, you think the kids will treat her well?”

He shrugged. “Hard to tell. They love Ian, but they treat me and Red Robin like shit. Unless it’s emergencies, then they’ll suddenly listen to us.”

Harper chimed in. “How about you let Ieyonna stay here? For tonight? She’s not well enough to be moved now. Tomorrow, I can move her to Leslie’s clinic.”

Jay thought about it. Running with Ieyonna around her shoulders strained her body. Sure, she could keep doing it – she wasn’t a quitter – but she was exhausted. Besides, she was already limping from kicking down Ieyonna’s apartment door earlier.

She nodded. “Ieyonna can stay with you, but I’m going to send someone tomorrow to help you move her.”

“Fine by me. Just let me know in advance who’s coming.” As Harper went to the hallway, presumably to grab a pillow and blanket for Ieyonna, Reagan excitably started chattering.

“Ieyonna’s staying here? With Bluebird? Can I stay too?! I can help take care of-“

“No. I’m taking you back to the warehouse. Ian needs you.”

Reagan half-heartedly kicked his foot back and forth. “You’re no fun, asshelmet.”

Jay raised an eyebrow, a smirk playing on her lips. “But I thought you wanted a rematch on our little race earlier?”

“Hell yeah, I do! Fucking cheater!” he blew up on her. “I ain’t from Gotham, so I get a head start!” Reagan immediately took off, throwing Harper’s apartment door open. “And no grappling hooks this time!” he called out over his shoulder.

“Uhh, Jason, you should probably go after him?”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” She put her helmet back on.

In the end, Jay got to the warehouse before Reagan did.

.....

“You know, you’re really good,” Red Hood told Reagan. Firecracker kept surprising her the more she learned about him.

“Not good enough,” he scoffed.

Hood crossed her arms. “I’ve been doing this since I was _twelve_. Of course, you’re not going to beat me.”

“Whatever, fuckface. You coming in or what?” he asked her, his hand wrapped around the door handle.

Hood shook her head and started turning around. “Can’t. I know if I see my kids, I’ll want to stay with them.”

“What? Are you their _Mom_ now? Need to tuck them in at night?” he snorted.

She stopped turning around. “I…I think I am. These kids don’t have any family to return to. I guess I’m the closest they’ll get to a person who actually _cares_ about them.”

Fuck. He was _not_ expecting such an honest answer from the Red Hood.

Awkwardly rubbing his neck, Reagan admitted, “That was supposed to be a joke, but yeah, I think you’re the mom these kids need…and Ian’s the grandpa they need.” He couldn’t _not_ leave Ian out. The dude was basically a _legend_ on wheels.

Hood studied him for a moment longer. “What about you? Who do _you_ need?”

_Munching on the snickerdoodle cookie, Dad said, “You know, I’d die of hunger if you never brought me your fantastic baking.” He held the cookie in his left hand while sticking his right hand into the car hood._

_“Dad, don’t get grease on your cookie!” Reagan crossed her arms and half-heartedly kicked him in the shin._

_“Hey! Reggie, I’m working here!”_

_The ten year old smirked. “Don’t disrespect my **fine** work because you’re **fat**.”_

_“The only thing **fine** in your life is Daaaaaax!” Dad sing-songed. Reagan had a crush on one of her classmates, but she wasn’t about to admit it to her Dad. He’d make her die from embarrassment, especially if he tried to set Dax up with her._

_“Okay, now you ain’t deserve your cookie!” She tried to swipe at the cookie in his hand, but he easily raised his arm out of Reggie’s reach. Dad then stuffed the cookie in his mouth before she could jump up and grab it._

_She stomped over to the workbench and sat down on the stool. “Don’t blame me when you taste car grease in your cookie.” She had perfect timing because at that moment, Dad spat out his cookie with a sour look on his face._

_“Ugh, that tastes like shit! Mind tossing me that water?”_

_Reagan picked up the water bottle on the workbench and handed it to him. “See? Told you. And remember the swear jar,” she reminded him. Using the classic swear jar method, Mom was trying to get Dad to stop cursing before Reagan picked up his habit. It was a bit too late for that, but at least she only swore around her close friends and not at home like Dad did._

_After chugging half of the bottle, Dad complained, “I ain’t wanna lose another fiver to the jar, Reggie. Mind letting this one slide?”_

_“Hmm,” she tapped her finger on her chin, “only if you let me eat dessert first for dinner.”_

_“Deal. Huh, I’m surprised you ain’t thrown a temper tantrum over this.”_

_“I ain’t a kid anymore!”_

_Chuckling, he said, “No matter what age you are, you’ll always be Daddy’s little girl.”_

_A strange feeling overcame Reagan. At a loss for words, she said, “Okay.”_

Reagan tightened his fist around the door handle. He slammed the door behind him, the metal reverberating as much as the memories swirling in his head.

.....

Hooking her arm around the Batcomputer’s chair, Jay told Tim, “You know, I could’ve _sent_ you my report. You’re lucky I know Bruce’s still at bed rest and Damian’s benched.”

She wouldn’t have shown up at all if she knew Bruce could move around. It was a bonus that Damian was restricted from Batcave access. It was nice that Dick and Cass were still out on patrol together, so she didn’t have to talk to them.

“I’m fully aware,” Tim replied without a glance in her direction, diligently typing up his report. Then why was she here? She only came because Tim insisted it was ‘absolutely imperative’.

With impeccable timing, a familiar voice echoed throughout the cave. “Master Tim, Master Jason, would you like a cup of tea?”

“Yes, please,” Tim immediately responded. His hands blurred across the keyboard.

Jay politely declined. “I’m fine. Thank you, Alfred.”

While Alfred prepared Tim’s tea, Jay contemplated whether or not she should properly greet Alfred. She hadn’t seen him in _years_ , and she admitted she missed his witty remarks and gentle compassion.

In the end, she decided to move forward with business. It wasn’t like she was actually a part of the family, so engaging with Alfred would just make things awkward.

Jay handed Tim a flash drive. “Here’s my report. It has all the case information in it too.” She then handed him back the flash drive that connected her to his network. “And here’s your network drive. See you around, Timbo. Keep me updated on the children.”

Tim hummed his assent, and Jay started making her way out of the cave.

“Leaving so soon?” Alfred asked.

Stopping in her tracks, she didn’t dare to look back. “I have to go. My business is done here.”

“I must remind you that you’re always welcome here, Master Jason.”

Jay left the Batcave without another word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While writing Ieyonna's section, I listened to "I See Dead People" by Antoine Tate. I really like the song, and it gave me inspiration for Clarence's character. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xd3AWJlyWTg  
> I've always felt that there should be more Gotham people who can parkour. If a bunch of people dressing up as bats do it, then you probably can too. I also think it'd be practical for homeless kids to learn parkour just to get around the city fast. I headcanon street rats not only know their way around Gotham, but they also can parkour.  
> When I started to know Bane's character more, I found it so interesting that he tries to quit Venom multiple times. Like I knew Roy canonically was a druggie, but it was great to see other DC characters have similar struggles. As for the conversation between Bane, Steph, and Tim, I modeled it off of a fight between Superboy and Icicle Jr. in Young Justice S3. I absolutely DIED when I saw that fight. I feel like more hero/villain fights should be more like this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39-2CIzWVWY  
> S/o to my baby cousin who had a crush on this guy named Dax. When she got a new crush like a year later, I started calling that guy "New Dax." My uncle makes fun of my baby cousin about Dax/New Dax, and I had Reagan's father do the same lolol


	17. Life Update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I basically wrote this because I realized I haven't written ANY Jaylass since I last updated. I don't even have a chapter outline for chapter 17. I felt so guilty and realized that I don't have any time to write anymore. Hence, this life update chapter. Honestly, you could stop reading this chapter now that you know I'm basically on hiatus, but you can read on if you want to know the specifics.

Hey y'all. If you didn't read the chapter summary: I'm taking a small break from writing. I wish there was another way, but unfortunately this is how it's gonna be for a while. The conversation with my dietitian went something like this: (it's not exact, but it's close enough)

"You know, I was supposed to be doing half-days," I complained to my dietitian at my weekly appointment. It was the first time I'd seen her _privately_ in a while, even though I technically saw her yesterday when she led group discussion about the harmful effects of the keto diet.

"I discussed it with your team," she was referring to my team consisting of a physician, dietitian, and psychiatric therapist, "and we think you need to spend full-days here if you want to make a full recovery."

Making a sour face, I nodded. I couldn't deny it. I was skipping meals/snacks and accidentally purging because I _suck_ at upholding purge precautions and staying on track with my eating schedule/meal plan. My sleep schedule was absolutely horrendous, which affected my eating schedule and meal plan. In all honesty, the reason why they wanted me to stay at the center for any part of the day was because it would force me to fix my sleeping schedule. It did. I now wake up at 7:30am everyday. I used to wake up at 3pm. It's definitely easier to stay on meal plan when you're actually awake for most of the day.

"So, uh," I awkwardly start, "how do I fit in my summer classes while going here? I have an exam coming up."

"During your breaks, you can squeeze in some study time."

Yeah, right. My break times were like 30 minutes at the most. I don't even have wi-fi here. At least I can use my phone sometimes, but I don't wanna waste all my data. Having 2 GB sucks ass.

She carried on cheerily. "Think about it this way. You're a full-time student, right? Now, you'll be a full-time patient. You need to focus on your recovery. Here, we have sectioned out meal and snack times and enforce purge precautions. You weren't getting that at home, so you'll get it here."

"Huh, you got me there." My family doesn't keep me on track or enforce precautions, and I've mostly been recovering on my own. It hasn't really been working, but it was a brave effort.

As much as I didn't want to spend entire days at an ED center, I knew there was no way out of this. Well, technically, she couldn't _force_ me to show up. But I knew if I didn't get intensive treatment, it'd end up hurting me in the end. My eating disorder always hurt me in the end.

.....

So basically I'm going to an eating disorder center nearly everyday now from like 9am-6pm. My hours used to be full-time student and part-time fanfic writer, but now I'm a full-time ED patient and part-time student.

The exam I mentioned? Yeah, that happened today. So I've finally gotten some free time, but that was after I drove home from my university to take it, which took me 1 hour and 30 min, and I got home around 7:30pm. Even the day I took _off_ from going to the ED center, I _still_ got home around the same time. But this'll be my only day off in a long while, so I might as well use this time to warn y'all about how I'm not writing anymore. At least, until I move up to half-days. I really want to finish this fic because tbh I want the conclusion just as much as y'all do.

I don't know when I'll move up to half-days. It's really up to my treatment team to decide that. I'm hoping for two more weeks, but I know it'll be when I'm ready for half-days. I shouldn't rush recovery. I tried that once, and now I'm at an ED center all day :P

Note: I make this sound so bad, but I only think negatively of it because of how long I'm spending at the center now. Other than that, I actually like being around the other ED patients. I'll make an ED joke and everyone else will actually _get_ it and laugh along, unlike my family or friends who give me horrified looks/completely ignore I said anything at all. And I'm glad I don't have to think too hard about meal time or purge precautions now because the center does that for me. I don't have to recover alone anymore, and I'm really glad for that. I became socially awkward after my ED took over, so I'm also glad that I'm interacting with ED patients who know what it's like to talk to people again after starting recovery. They don't judge me for having an ED, or worse, ignore I have an ED. It's really refreshing to see someone acknowledge and support my ED recovery but also not make it a big deal. Everyone at the center is either in ED recovery or understands EDs.

.....

Thank you for reading this (rather lengthy and possibly TMI) update. I hope it wasn't too much for anyone, but I felt like writing about what I think about the ED center so far. Writing is probably the best medium I communicate my ideas through, so that's why I slid in that little convo with my dietitian. I know my friends and family don't really want to hear about eating disorders and stuff of that nature, so I guess I'll just tell y'all instead. I felt like y'all deserve to know what's going on in my life, especially after sticking with me through this fic ;)

I'm sorry I won't be able to update in a while. It's really hurting me not to write and update this fic, but at the same time my grades and my eating schedule are kinda taking a big fat L now, so I gotta put my priorities first. I hope you understand.

Until my next update, cheerio! :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will post this same 'life update' chapter to my Catlad/Catboy/Stray/whatever-it's-called-nowadays fic once I finish writing that chapter and publish it. I'm like maybe 75% done, so I might as well finish it (when I have the time) and then tell whoever's reading that one what's up with my life.
> 
> Btw, I will most likely delete this chapter when I start updating again. Unless y'all want it to stay up. I could go both ways, tbh

**Author's Note:**

> I reject canon and substitute my own.  
> But honestly, I am trying to be as canon-accurate as possible, but I also want to make a good story. Let me know if anything is inaccurate, and please leave me a comment so I can improve. Here goes to my first fanfic!


End file.
